Messed n Unblessed

By Leena Afsha Ishrot

I thought I was unblessed

Cause never found myself so messed

Lying on my bed

I have coffin and a shroud

This pricking pain

Remember to query again

Do I have normal bosom?

Tumor! I became numb n dumb

I’m chubby

But not saggy

Nor do I have lumps

Cause it’s worse than period cramps

I pray for partially paralyzed

Just not to have tearful eyes

For the first time

I bleed at the age of nine

Some drops of crimson fluid 

I have seen while I pee

Mum used to explain in glee

This is the sign of being a girl

But in these days I whirl around on my bed

Then instead of bleeding every lunar month

I bleed by skipping two lunar months

By thirteen I am stubborn to be a boy

Who not only wants play with toy

Unfortunately to be a girl, I ain’t happy

All I wanna change to be a boy

All I hear is “Why you are so silly?

Why aren’t you happy to be gifted as a lady?”

By sixteen I had hormonal disbalance

In reply, Mama used to curse in silence

I thought I was unblessed

Cause never found myself so messed

I used to feel some pain in my pelvic

I am aware that it’s genetic

But gynecologist exclaimed it’s natural

I have experienced too much hairy

Along with B6 deficiency

I was cursed for infertility

As I have suffered from ovarian cyst

At times I felt to quit upon myself

It’s not easy to keep going always

I want nothing except to walk for days

Can you do me a favor by maintaining distance?

Can you get some cocaine?

I know I know ...

You will make excuses to stand-by me

But I don’t wanna drag you down to hellish

I choose you and only you

I never searched for better even in your absence too

(I thought I was unblessed

Cause never found myself so messed) x2

By Leena Afsha Ishrot