Martyr

Gayatri Ramakant Halde

I have stored stones in my room. For someday if I make a corset of my own.

Jaded with stones I have kept for years now.

Words like corset and fairies, I consume them like poison consumes a life.

Vessels in your body and beats of your heart, all too glued to my pages.

This is for us June. This is for us.

Rose-petals and honey-comb, I sing a song for you. Do you hear it? It is the melody I wrote for you. It is filled with our memories, cliché? It is.

To be by your side right now, I can not help but recall your name for 7th time a day.

June, June, June, where have you gone? The sunlight from my kitchen window makes me think of your honey-coloured eyes. How you blushed- oh, I guess you never did. After all we were those friends humming the same melody but never loud enough to let each other hear, weren’t we?

Do you remember how I made a ring for you? I thought you would wear it. I made it with Jasmine leaves, silly? It is.

But I could find nothing more pleasant. I even called your name and told birds about you, I have picked up your thoughts and now I’m spilling it all while I sit beside you.

But, you can never say a word. My dearest June.

It is windless, but love, I can still hear the bells ringing. I can still smell the incense stick burning. Reminding me of how cruel you were to not even call my name for the last time.

June.

Oh, June.

I have loved you enough but you never did. That is why I made you a ring, with smells of Hemlock. You trusted me enough, but I was overwhelmed with anger. You heard me saying I have out all the sweetness in the Jasmine ring.

How foolish, June!

How foolish!

You tasted my words June. You should not have believed me.

As you sat there for a while, perhaps recalling your lover and smiled as you trembled-

Your pupils dilated as if you sunk in my love. Your body- your body started aching and my love, oh my love!

Are you leaving me? Leaving me in this cruel cruel world alone?

June, my June. Do not leave me for my heart beats for you- but yours no longer does.

June, June, June…

As I sat by your grave recalling our sweet memories, how I held your hand when you died. And how they never found out that you were killed by my love, when all that love was meant to be yours only.

But- but I miss you June. I miss you more than that one winter afternoon. I miss you June, more than I ever did.

I should’ve said I love you in every possible way.

I should’ve given you roses- those white laced hand gloves and a black rosy hat…

You would’ve looked gorgeous in glass sandals. A white gown you would’ve wore on your wedding day. When I’ll be smiling at you from a corner from afar.

June,

June,

My June.

Where have you gone? I crossed seas for you with my hands in the air. I called those birds, while strumming the vessels of mine, I played a song for you.

Your eyes- I painted a picture of you to give you. But June, you are gone now.

I miss you…

Now that rain has started my tears have merged with it. I can no longer linger over our past. To ease my heart I made myself a gift, the same Jasmine ring, love.

And I wonder how it tastes-

Gayatri Ramakant Halde