Maa: A Desperate Plea of An Unloved Child.

By Anandi Agarwal

1

I am sorry, Maa

For not becoming the dutiful son you always wanted,

the protector you needed.

All I am is a teenage rebel. (A liability).

I promise I will be good this time around

(Obedient and pleasing)

Please look after me, maa.

Take care of me.

Take me back to our home (house)

Love me, love me, love me.

I have been starved my whole life.

2

The whole ride back,

You and dad argue over whose fault it is:

For this monster I have become

Always hungry and full of desire.

Like a forgotten water bottle,

I lay in the back seat.

Rotting away as you both fight.

Your loud voices and thinly veiled jabs,

oh so familiar,

I close my eyes and let out a sigh of relief

I am finally home.

The voices in my head are no longer mine.

3

We reach and

I peer out of the window.

I look up at the tall, intimidating building (jail)

I want to go home

This is not home.

I wanted to scream and shout and yell

Throw a tantrum, roll on the ground

Refuse to step outside.

Do anything to get out.

But in desi households,

You can only disappoint once.

4

As I take my bags inside,

I notice a little girl wailing

Extending her arms towards her mother

pleading, “hold me, maa”

Comfort me.

Care for me.

Love me, love me, love me.

What am I

if not that same little girl

begging her mother to love her?

My mother is my religion

And I pray at her altar daily. (I am an atheist)

//

At night, you step inside my room and

you tuck me in.

Stroke my hair with such tenderness

everything broken inside me, heals.

You kiss my head goodnight.

“I love you”

You say with such kind eyes.

I wake up cold and alone.

I call you.

There’s hint of surprise in your voice

as you answer the phone.

I know you are wondering

how I am awake this early in the morning

At least five taunts already at the tip of your tongue,

“I had a nightmare, maa”

By Anandi Agarwal