Lying Beneath The Surface

By Vibha Chethak

i feel the ocean as it runs across my back

my face down in the dirt

this must be a beautiful way to die, i thought 

submerged,

never to be found,

always deemed to be a mystery.

glimpses of life swim past

and i quickly realise that i shall no longer be alive to witness so called miracles

this fills me with a strange calm, the peace before the storm i hope

i hope, i hope, for my own sake that soon, i will feel something 

something that makes me regret not having a will to live.

is it bad that i enjoy the feeling of the water filling my lungs.

is it bad that i enjoy the feeling of taking each breath, knowing that it might be my

last.

is it bad that i know that my life underwater is the same as my life above it.

being swept by the currents,

drowning,

looking for reasons to survive.

it is all too familiar.

while never being found is my only fear in the outside world, in these dark waters,

it is a peculiar comfort.

perhaps i have never been afraid of being lost.

perhaps it has always been a fear of knowing that i am not needed.

and will never be.

i am suffocated by my thoughts

but as the murky depths of unconsciousness start to overcome me,

i think

that this must be a beautiful way to die.

Indeed.

By Vibha Chethak