Loving You In Every Universe

By Bhavya Bhambhani

I walked through the hallways that were lit up more than usual, creasing my fingers on the windows the lights of diyas pierced through. The soft sound of my anklets faded with the sound of celebrations in the whole mahal. Women and girls were all around the mahal, placing diyas and flowers on the walls and trees, singing the songs of their time, reciting the poems of love. I saw a young woman putting gulmohar on her lover's long hair.

But Kashi knew I was coming to her room. She always does. "It's your scent," she says. I reached Kashi's room, finding her sitting in front of her big mirror that only made her look more enchanted than she already did. I found it impossible to take my eyes off her. She has never looked more mesmerizing than this. She felt like the reflection of the full moon on the calmest river. She felt like the glimpse of the sun after the eclipse. Kashi was the sound of the bells after every prayer. She was no less than a wish that came true.

I walked towards her like she was a siren, I knew that I would be defeated. Kashi turned with her back towards me. I traced my cold fingers on her back, writing my name on it. I tied the thread of her blouse and placed a kiss on her back. There was a silence between us, but we didn't have to say anything. our eyes spoke, and so did our lips when it touched one another. The whole mahal was lit up, decorated, and danced in the celebration of the marriages of my lover, Kashi. 

"aa gayi hai rut, piya ke milan ki," the women started to sing the song that reached Kashi's room. I smiled at her and placed the heavy embroidered dupatta on her head. "Aren't you worried, Tara? They want me to marry your brother in three days. My doli is right here, I am leaving today, right now. And I will be at your mahal, in front of you but not yours." 

"Our names are written on the stars, meant to be together. You are made for me, Kashi." With that, I put kajal behind her ear and kissed her. I turned her towards the mirror, "No wonder the moon did not come out today," I said to her. 

"Can you promise you will be with me? if not this life, then after this?" 

"I already have you in all of them, in this one and the next"

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I watched Kashi leaving to reach my homeland, the palace, where she was supposed to marry my brother in three days. there was a heaviness set in my heart. as much as I wanted Kashi ; as much as I wanted her to be mine, religiously, lawfully and spiritually, I was at the end betraying my brother. Prince Tanuj, the next king of the kingdom and the second child of my parents. I was not very fond of him, and I am sure it was mutual, I still felt the guilt of betraying him. However, my love for Kashi was non-negotiable. 

my feet have never felt so heavy. Is there any way to walk away with a heart so soft yet heavy? Whatever I do or choose, betrayal is inescapable. but the question was, will i betray my brother, whom I share my blood with, or will i betray my kashi, who has half of my heart. I walked to the guest room. My mother insisted on staying here another day and I accompanied her while the rest of our family members had left. 

as I walked to my kaksh (room), I noticed a warm glow over the tranquil pond. Two women found solace in each other's company. It was Kashi's mother with mine. Kashi's mother, Rani Somali, sat with her back leaning on my mother. They sat on the grassy bank, and my mother was gently placing flowers on Rani Somali's hair.

The rippling water mirrored the colors of the sky, painting a breathtaking canvas of pinks and oranges. A gentle breeze whispered through the air, causing the leaves to rustle softly overhead.

My mother traced circles in the soft earth with her fingertips. They stole shy glances at each other. Their eyes met, and in that moment, a silent understanding passed between them, as if they could communicate without saying a word.

They sat in comfortable silence, absorbing the serene ambiance. The soft murmur of the water lapping against the shore created a soothing rhythm, matching the beating of their hearts. Soon they intertwine their fingers.

Without exchanging any words, they leaned closer. Their hearts beat in harmony, and a sense of belonging enveloped them. "There is a solace in you, Seher. Something so calm that only great saints find after they let go of the illusory world. " 

I had questions, I had doubts and I wanted to ask my mother if she even loved my father or was she too forced into this unfair pointless cycle of society that only demands sacrifices from mothers and daughters. I walked up to them, "Ma?" I called her. 

they looked up, shocked and unprepared, putting their masks back to pretend their names were not carved in each of their hearts.

"I thought you were resting in your room. Rani Somali and I were just talking about the wedding rituals and preparation -" My mother tried to convince me. 

"Are you two in love with each other?"

They paused, "Ofcourse, we've been friends before you and Kashi were even born. Even before we got married" She continued 

"There's a wave of affection in your eyes ma, something I have never seen for Baba. There's something more to this. You are..you are just like me. there's nothing wrong with me -"

"Tara!" That was a command to stop speaking. "You can't say everything that comes to your mind. I'm the wife of your father. The responsibility to be their backbone so he could rule the whole kingdom is on me. the responsibility to be the daughter of my father is on me."

"That is sacrifice," I said under my breath but audible enough for them to hear. 

"That is acceptance," my mother said.

"Accepting that there's a life we all have, a life given to us to be our true self, and that can't be spent with the one your heart beats for?" I said as I felt my mother's anger rose. Like I've caught her lies, or I've caught her running from the truth. Like I've caught her manipulating her own self, trying to cut the trap that she has trapped herself in,calling it acceptance. I understand that it is often harsh to live a life you've dreamt of for years when you have found the comfort of living inside the room of adjustments. It makes you angry and sad knowing that you could've changed it all and you never had to live through this. 

Rani Somali held my mother's hands, grabbing it tighter. as if she was trying to gain that strength to unleash her truth. "Yes. I love Seher. I love her in ways I should've loved my husband whom I'm married to for years. Love, perhaps, might be too small, too simple, to describe the feeling she has left on me.There's solace in her like the sea, like sitting near the fireplace on a cold night.

I'd wait for her to be mine, even if it means the wait is as long as a lifetime and our union is possible only in the afterlife. Because there, I pray, is no limit for love. I pray that when we're beyond these earthly boundaries, there's a love that doesn't question us when we find relief in each other. We break free from these limitations, made by men for men. We are released by the chains of existing only for them and on their beliefs. I pray that our love is allowed to exist there because Seher, for me, is a love that will last eternity."  

Rani Somali didn't hold back from speaking. I wasn't in the position of telling either of them what their words impacted on me. I just wanted my mother to know I'm proud of her. 

"I'm sorry I have failed to be a mother you can trust," my mother spoke. 

I ran and hugged her, I needed that. 

I broke down in tears, and so did she.

"The history is repeating itself, ma. I'd have to wait a lifetime, too, " I began to speak. 

My mother wiped my tears and asked me what I meant. I spoke my truth. I didn't want to be another Rani Somali or Rani Seher. They both comprehended my feelings more than I have for myself. 

"I will never allow you to be another Seher. You are a part of me, and you need to change the lines for me, for Kashi, for Somali, and most importantly, for yourself. You are meant to change history and challenge the ones who pretend to be the preachers of love in a mask while being the biggest enemies of it. Take Kashi and elope with her to the land where your love is worshipped, not questioned." 

I looked at my mother. She lightened a ray of hope in me. 

"I, as your daughter, will finish the story of love my mother could not."

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(Arrival of Tara at her Castle where the wedding ceremonies are about to begin in a day) 

After reaching the mahal, I went straight to find Kashi. She was outside practicing archery on our garden. I walked through the porch and saw her with my brother Tanuj. I walked to her, slid my hand gently on her waist, and stood behind her. She didn't flinch, she recognized my touch, and I could feel her confidence and smile. 

I placed my chin on her shoulder, traced my other hand below her elbow, and slightly lifted her arm. 

" It's time you know the right position of your arrow, Kashi."

"Even though I'm not excellent at it, I got what I want." 

she turned towards me. 

Tanuj was too busy practicing to notice any of this. Soon, he was called to handle some work. 

"I think you're not well with swords either, Kashi. Here, take this and practice with me."

I handed her a sword, and we began to play with it. Our gaze were locked into each other's, and none of us dared to break it. We moved our swords swiftly as it was in sync. 

I lied, I've never seen anyone as good with swords as Kashi, I teased her just to see her feel challenged, and she handled it gracefully. 

Our swords danced, each movement echoing a symphony of passion and precision. Her eyes spoke a language only I could understand, a silent dialogue of desperation to touch each other.

With every clash and parry, our hearts beat in synchrony, a dance of love and skill intertwined in the blade. Each strike carried a whisper of longing, an unspoken confession of love. 

Our swords striked, and now it was a powerplay. She forced my sword down with hers without breaking eye contact with me, and I, an absolute fool in love, loved this defeat. She swung her sword and placed it on my neck, pushing me on the wall behind. 

We tried to catch our breath. 

"I missed you," she said. 

There was nothing more I could say, so I kissed her for every hour I spent without her, and every minute I spent thinking about her. I kissed her for being the cause of my yearning. I kissed her for the sense of longing she left me with. I kissed her for my foolishness to think that I had it in me to live without her. she kissed me with the same passion. Perhaps she felt foolish to think she could let me go, too. 

"Nothing can stop me from loving you ever. I refuse to wait for the afterlife to be with you. I want you in this life. Kashi, will you marry me?"

"I will marry you in every universe. Here and in the afterlife." 

By Bhavya Bhambhani