Lovergirl

By Aanya Nigam

I want you to know…

You aren’t my first, 

I have been here before…

Hurt and alone.

I have stayed up for nights, 

And listened to the moon talk of her miseries, 

Breathlessly aching to forget

Parts of me that still feel broken. 

(and maybe they always will)

I want you to know…

There are places 

That hold a part of me 

I can never get back. 

Like words written in permanent ink

On wasted post-it notes,

They inevitably stain the white cloth

Of my so-desired perfect existence,

Leaving everlasting traces of only 

What once was. 

I want you to know…

I feel too much. 

Movies make me cry and 

Red velvet cupcakes make me the happiest, 

Not more than you, of course! 

I’d spend a lifetime

trading the salt in the ocean 

with stars that shine for you.

Because the salt makes your wounds hurt, 

and there are too many wounds to heal. 

I’d buy you flowers, 

The ones that bring dimples to your face 

Knowing I cannot give them to you, 

Because that’s how I love you...

In secret,

Between the shadow and the soul.

I’d stay in your embrace forever.

If I could 

And simply be, everything that you need. 

Lastly, I want you to know…

That my love for you

Is unfathomable

And unexplainable 

For a stranger,

Because I don’t know 

How to write a poem

That’s not about you

And somehow, 

out of all the things

That I long to be 

I’d always long to be yours, the most.  

So, be my tour guide

show me around your favorite town and 

Buy me ice-cream,

Tell me about that black leather jacket of yours 

that you wore to every single outing, 

Tell me about the band you were obsessed with 

as a teenage boy, 

Tell me everything about the things you love

and the things you hate.

And I’ll show you

how it feels to dance with a poet

who burns for you…

By Aanya Nigam