Love & Sin

By Suryanjali Jha

Those three magical words are said with a fourth word, but I will consider them to be three.

I am involving myself in my delusional thoughts with butterflies again.

Having echoes in my surroundings that were warning me to step back,

Holding his hand, I blindly cross the red line.

Upon crossing, I was distancing myself from my family.

My instincts are not with me; I got trapped there for trusting him.

He sold me, for some thousands of rupees,

Carrying a baby of the unknown, I was screwed.

One of my uncles came into the red light to satisfy his needs. Seeing me, he stepped back.

He was ashamed and did nothing.

He told my parents, and they performed rituals for my death.

Trusting someone blindly can make your life hell.

After a while, I gave birth to a boy,

I was suffering daily and became one of the best at sex work. 

I wonder why we have been named as prostitutes and not as employees or sales women, where customers are customers.

The patriarchal society looks at women as an object for sex, whether it’s us or a married woman.

After 25 years or so, he brought a 16 year-old girl into his life by making false love with her.

I would have killed my son, but I was not like my parents.

After three years, she too joined the work.

And the cycle continued.

(The ending could be happy, but reality and fiction are distinct.)

By Suryanjali Jha