Love Or Penance

By Malik Hampton

so, what will it be?

because I’ve been running on lust for so long i don’t even know how many miles i put in

how many soles I’ve split, or souls spent their last on love lotto tickets i sold, unbenounced to them there were no winning tickets printed

how many regrets have I penned.. but I was too inebriated for my soul to reignite for me to feel my decisions 

grounded..by my insolence

grounded..by my trauma and it’s vice grip on my self image

grounded, chained, to not allowing myself to feel love, because that’s what i’ve earned

why do i even deserve to be loved?!

what have i done…to deserve.. love..?

my reputation supersedes any chatgpt predictions based on my history with women who i said i loved, but i treated different 

based on that trajectory i only see pain in store, like my pain i stored, in those who only wanted to love me, to believe in me

frightened by the comfort i desired i conformed to my vices, and that’s what cost me any peace with the idea of love

as the pendulum of persuasion sways to project a psalm that maybe, someday, her love may be enough for me to rest

when I’m with her i almost forget I’m supposed to fighting the matrix, but there’s this darkness in me that keeps reminding, repeating, resisting 

no, no, NO!

if you ever admit to that woman that you love her, i will appear

you’ve kept me satisfied for years with more alcohol than a little bit

FED, when YOU allowed lust to possess you whenever it so desired 

laughs cmon man, be forreal

do you even hear yourself?

do you sound like someone who’s deserving of love?

NO!

so yes, i will bind you to this eternal dance of showing love, but never truly feeling it

so, what will it be?

love...or penance

By Malik Hampton