Love, Distance and In Between

By Goutham Satheesh

Haven't we all ever hoped to fall in love? Maybe in school, maybe in college or for the unlucky ones after that, But love always finds a way for us. It's amazing how we never plan to be stuck in someone's love and affection as we've let off all hopes in that department, someone swooshes in to save the day. Our very own Superman/Superwoman.

But when I say love, don't be misunderstood by the face value of the word that has been romanticised for far too long be it movies, series, books or even songs. Love isn't like that, it doesn't come to us in a gift-wrapped box, it doesn't crawl upon us like forest vines. Be the love a mere crush, a one-sided fling, a friendship, or even a soulmate level of relationship. Every kind of love is beautiful, not because it's perfect but because it's as real as they come. Yeah, the love and romance we see in movies do make us feel all good and happy, making butterflies sprout wings in our bellies. But real love doesn't have such sort of festivities, sure there may be some magical moments in it that you can cherish as long as you want to.

Real love doesn't come with magical gestures everyday, it doesn't show you that you're meant for them in this world. No, it doesn't make you feel special everyday either. For the young souls who haven't tasted real love and for the aged souls around for a time who already knows this.

Love is much more complicated, it's like a habit to grow fond of. A person that just exists even if they don't know you exist. It makes you feel so alive, like a will to live and gives you a purpose to survive life itself. The way we fondle over them may feel weird to them, trust me I've been there and done that. Even though that is how we are made to feel, even though we can feel all our energy being drained out thinking about them, the moment they give us a call or text. It just brightens up our day like none so ever. The sorrow, the anxiety all subsides in a second.

As a guy who has had a fair share of crushes ranging Selena Gomez at the age of 10, and after that being single till 19 crossing over some one side flings. I know how hard it is to find the right lid to your pot. At a point you even feel like something is wrong with you but then you find someone in your desperation, who turns out to be nice at first and then toxic as they come. No, this isn't about my first crush, fling or girlfriend. This is about the woman who still does her best even though I'm a tough person to be with, the only one that mattered and the only one I honestly ever cared about.

In my own quest to find love, I was worried of being distant with them. The lack of communication being in two states and the worrisome of whether or not they like you let alone love you drives you crazy. Not getting the same "I love you" and "kisses" just makes it much harder too. A sliver of tear always ends up on the eyes, making you pathetic and appearing desperate too.

At this moment I think to myself, Are my actions enough for her? Are my words reaching her? Am I just wasting my affection over someone who doesn't respect my efforts or time?

And soon, the idiot gives me a text. It might be a small one word reply, or even an emoji of some sort. But coming from a girl who has 50+ chats unopened in her phone, she sends her reply to the guy who has none. She remembers you throughout the day, maybe not all the time but she definitely does. And that one text no matter how many hours it took to get a reply still makes your day. For me that is Love, the kind of love I'm willing to risk my whole life on. A person who's the silver lining in your wreck of a life, and for me it comes in a 5ft, bitch ass attitude filled person. Because I know that no matter how far she goes, or how tough life gets. She isn't the one to back down, but would rather raise hell.

I don't know about anyone else but that sounds like a Superwoman to me. It's her against the world and she still makes time for me, that is luck. As I'm a person who believes in god, I see flashes of it in the people I meet. Even if she disapproves of me saying this, I can always be hopeful to get out of bed everyday, if it means I can see her smiling face again and again.

I don't know if she'll always be there, and in a way that is what makes loving her different from everything else. Not knowing makes me put a lot more effort into life but right now, at this moment this isn't the inner child in me speaking but the guy who's been through heartbreaks of his own, that it doesn't get better than this. This is already more than enough.

And just so you know, not everyone deserves to be treated this way. Not everyone deserves to be given a person's whole life but if you're as crazy as I am and believe that your love is as such. Then as a SRK fan I have only one thing to say, "Teri aankhon ki namkeen mastiyan, Teri hasin ki beparwah gustakhiyan, Teri zulfon ki lehrati Angdaiyan, Nahi bhoolunga mein, Jab tak hai jaan, Jab tak hai jaan"

By Goutham Satheesh