Let Others Enjoy Their Moments of Glory

By Vaidyanathan Ravichandran

I just want to narrate an experience I have been through many times…and I am sure each of you here would have experienced it too…

I would have forwarded or posted in one of my WhatsApp groups a joke or a message that I thought was good and I would be waiting to see a few “thumbs up” or “hi-5s”. It’s not that it was an original, creative post from me but still I would be eager for appreciation. Then, within a minute of my post and before anyone could respond to it, someone else posts another message that drowns my message. I feel I was robbed off my moment of glory, trivial though it may be!

How many of you have experienced this?

Let’s now do a 360 degree turn and think… Do you all agree that we have also been guilty of this quite often, though not intentionally?

Dear friends, my intent today is to plead with and urge you all to let others enjoy their moments of glory.

Why do we crave for excessive attention? It is because of that ego in us that says, "Look at me. I'm special. My story is more interesting than yours."

It's that voice inside us that wants to believe "my accomplishments are slightly more important than yours."

The ego in us wants us to be seen, heard and considered special, often at the expense of someone else.

It's because of this that you interrupt someone else's story or impatiently wait for your turn to speak so that you can bring the conversation and attention back to yourself. When you do this, you minimize the joy that person has in sharing. You create distance between yourself and others. In the bargain, everyone loses.

The next time someone tells you a story or shares an accomplishment with you, notice your tendency to say something about yourself in response and resist it.

Rather than jumping right in and saying, "Once I did the same thing" or "This is nothing…I had an even more weird experience…” just say, "That's wonderful," or "Please tell me more," and leave it at that. The person you are speaking to will have so much more fun and, because you are so much more "present," since you are listening so carefully, he won't feel in competition with you. The result will be that he will feel more relaxed around you, making him more confident as well as more interesting. You too will feel more relaxed because you won't be on the edge of your seat, waiting for your turn.

Apart from the ego problem, there is one more problem we need to guard against…our tendency to interrupt others or finish their sentences. I have noticed this in many busy people.

Only recently did I realize how often I did this. I also realized how destructive this habit was, not only to the respect and love I received from others but also for the tremendous amount of energy it takes to try to be in two heads at once!

Think about it for a moment. When you hurry someone along, interrupt someone, or finish his sentence, you have to keep track not only of your own thoughts but of those of the person you are interrupting as well. This tendency leads both parties to speed up their speech and their thinking. This, in turn, makes both people nervous, irritable, and annoyed. It's downright exhausting.

Remind yourself (before a conversation begins) to be patient. Tell yourself to allow the other person to finish speaking before you take your turn. You'll notice, right away, how much the interactions with the people in your life will improve as a direct result of this simple act. The people you communicate with will feel much more relaxed around you when they feel heard and listened to.

South India is famous for a very distinct classical music style called Carnatic music.

One of the highlights of a Carnatic music concert is the ‘percussion solo’- thani avarthanam - where the main vocal singer’s rendition is interspersed with exclusive time for the accompanying percussionists such as mridangam, kanjira, morsing, and ghatam players who showcase their skills to the audience with an exchange of various complex rhythmic patterns, culminating in a grand finale where the main artist resumes where he left off.

This is a wonderful manifestation of the concept of giving others their moments of glory. Again, in the sport of cricket, it is quite common for inspirational captains to allow their best performers of the day to do the honors of leading the team back from the field into the dressing room…a manifestation of giving others their moments of glory.

In the world of football, this mindset was immortalized by the legendary English player Michael Carrick. What mattered more for him was not the elation of scoring a goal but the quieter satisfaction of having played a pass exactly as he meant it and for it to eventually lead to a meaningful moment – a goal strike by his team-mate!

His famous words on passing and setting up a goal: it’s not gung-ho…it’s not glamorous, but it’s incredible in the grand scheme of a team game.

It probably sums up the bottom-line of my piece!

To wrap up, there is something magical that happens to the human spirit, a sense of calm that comes over you, when you stop needing all the attention directed toward yourself and instead let others have the glory.

I know it's a difficult habit to break, but let’s learn to share the joy of someone else's glory.

By Vaidyanathan Ravichandran