By Sneha Kumari
You know how they say, writing the last chapter is always the toughest. You tend to run out of ideas, and there is nothing new to add. But for me, writing the last chapter, that last paragraph, has always been easy. Perhaps, because even before I begin, I always know how I want to end it. I'm aware of the exact words that, according to me, fit the best. So, I never think a lot about it, and I never make notes; when it comes to the end, I just write. And I write my heart out. Trust me, when I'm at that last chapter or that last paragraph, there's no stopping my flow. Just like right now. As I write this last letter about the last chapter of yet another tragic story- our love story.
We weren't very different from the love stories of our generation. It was the same story; a boy and a girl meet, become friends, and eventually fall in love. But the catch in our love story, we were supposed to be apart. Live far away, but hold the love in our hearts for the day we meet. And remember how beautiful it used to be! Waiting for months to physically see each other, to be able to touch, hold and kiss. We would long for those days, make plans for them, count the days, and every time we met, have the same butterflies reappear from the first time we met. Each kiss after that longing felt like the first-ever, even after years of being together. Each touch gave that spark of new love, and we cherished it. People would often ask us how we were keeping our love alive through the miles. And all we would say- "We just love each other so much that we can't think about anything else." We were trying our best to keep the love alive, make each other happy without being affected by the distance. We weren't just crazy in love; we were determined in love. Determined to make it our happily ever after, despite everything. Or at least I was.
Much like my favourite books, where the ending sort of hits out of the blue, our story ended the exact same way. Well, if I'm being honest, it wasn't entirely out of the blue. Like any good story, there was a nice build-up to the climax. Our tragic fate was a work in progress for six months. We had our ups and downs throughout, but the beginning of the last six months was the beginning of the end of our story, our last chapter.
And how did it begin? Again, pretty similar to how it is these days. You started acting aloof, did the things you knew bother me the most, said everything I hoped you wouldn't, and gradually became a far distant person. I know love is supposed to be unconditional, that I'm supposed to love you despite what you say or how you treat me. But is it really, though? I vividly remember when things started to hurt me slowly but surely, and trust me, I did let it go. I continued to love you like I always did. But you know what happened after that. The once in a blue moon mistakes became a daily occurrence. Even before I could understand and get to the terms of letting things go, you would have done something new that would make letting things go harder every single time. And you knew I don't let relationships slip from my hand, didn't you? You had witnessed it yourself, how much I tried to fix things and make it alright. Maybe that was the reason.
Maybe every time I forgave you, you thought it was okay. Okay to love me at your convenience, to treat me how you pleased, and to make the same mistakes over and over again. Because I would let it go, I would forgive, and I continued to love. And I would make myself understand- this is what love is, unconditional. But you see, those who say it is unconditional have probably not been to my side of the story. Where loving someone unconditionally can one day not just make you witness but make you play a role in the most dramatic ending that you have ever heard. I did.
All my life, I have always been a fan of tragedy. "Tragedy is the truth of life. Because you don't get as many happily-ever-afters as fiction." I say it often to defend my love for tragedy. Little did I know that one day, I would live the tragedy myself.
They say the last chapter of a good tragedy will make you cry. It will be dramatic. It might involve bloodshed. You feel for the protagonist. You are filled with rage for the villain. You might even throw away the book in disbelief and curse the writer. And it might leave you scarred for a while before you muster the courage again to pick up another tragedy in your hands. Well, isn't it exactly what I felt. Like a good climax to a tragedy, there was the moment staring in our faces of our failure. There were tears in my eyes. It was dramatic; I still find it hard to believe. There was bloodshed that I had to clean when I gained consciousness, days after. I had never felt so helpless for myself and so much hatred for you. I have thrown away my belief in love and the idea of us. The only difference, I would probably never muster the courage to fall in love.
Because you know, I always know what to write in my last chapter, and in the tales of my love stories, for my last chapter- I choose you.
By Sneha Kumari