Just a Few More Words

By Sahana Yengkokpam

Just a few more words

Would’ve pushed me to the edge

Just a few more words

Would’ve turned my being into nothing

Just a few more words

Would’ve made it all meaningless

Just a few more words

Spilling from your mouth would’ve slashed me a bit more

The pain I bear isn’t physical, but much worse

I see my being shatter in front of me

Looking at the monster you’ve become

Do you choose to ignore the hopelessness in my eyes

Or have you not emptied them enough

The apologies spill out my mouth like a jar of rotten cookies that get filled daily

New and sweet ones at the top everytime

While the gunk gets buried deep

My happiness turns into sorrow everytime I see you

My memories of living become unpleasant

The beautiful places linked to you get swallowed by the stench of your memories

And make me hate them

Even my bullies haven’t bullied me like you

I regret every word I say to you,

Every action I try to do.

A small spark lights up the fire

And I burn in the flames you keep adding oil too

The words I speak while I breathe, sound like the blabbering of a child to you

Maybe when I’m gone you’d finally understand what I’ve been trying to tell you

Each birthday I pass takes me a step closer to death

They don’t feel like days to celebrate anymore

The part of me that wanted to live has gone somewhere and died too

I welcome death with open arms as you keep saying I’ll die alone

There’s nothing to live for and nothing to atone for anymore

After a deep breath and some time off

You come back with your smiling face and words of wisdom you like to spill

Like you’ve become an angel and not the devil I wanted to kill

Your sugar coated I love you’s make me want to barf

And the words “I’m doing this for you” drown me in a wave of anger and despair

My emotions get suppressed before another volcano might errupt

A few words of consolation makes you think I’d love you back after you have mentally and

physically degrade me through and through

I wonder if it’s me who has changed or you that did

Maybe your words are right

Maybe I’m wrong

Maybe I’m worthless

And I’d die alone

Maybe your words of poison are just what I need

Why don’t you speak more while suffocating your own kin please

By Sahana Yengkokpam