It's Complicated

By Inderjot Singh Chadha

5 May 2014, ye mere college ka aakhri din tha mere yaani Anamika Rana ke .College me placements ke liye aayi companies me se jisme mera selection hua tha uska main office Mumbai me tha aur mujhe 11th July ko Mumbai ke office me report karna tha. May me ghar aane ke baad bohot dino tak college ki yaadein dil behlane Aati rahi…doston ki yaadon ke saath hi ek yaad aur bhi kisi ki aayi aur vo thi Abhi ki yaad. Abhi aur mere rishte ko na to Dosti me aur na hi pyaar me se kisi me characterize kiya jaa sakta tha. Pta nhi is jaalim duniya ne koi aur category kyu tayaar nhi ki kabhi is feeling ke liye. Abhineet Singh Rathore ,is bhaari bharkam naam ke peeche ka jo larka tha vo bilkul bhi is naam ko justify nhi karta tha. Aapko bhi lag rha hoga ki koi hatta-katta rajpoot hoga but nhi vo janab to apni hi alag kisi class ke the.

College ke us aakhri din mujhe college mera boyfriend lene aya tha. Ashutosh naam tha uska, Pune me Indian Air Force me tha vo. Uska aur mera rishte college time se bhi pehle ka hi tha but iss long distance ki maar ke tale mera ye rishte bhi kamzor parne lag gya tha, but kisi tarah guzara chal rha tha. chlo anyways us din jab vo college lene aya mujhe to main abhi ke saath hi khadhi thi aur isi vajah se mujhe Abhi ko Ashu se introduce karwana pada. I knew ki ye panga hi create karne lagi hun main but still maine chance liya aur kaha.”Ashu , meet Abhineet my…….” Well baat to yahi dikkat vali ho gayi thi ki main is ‘My ’ ke aage ka rishte hi nhi jata payi Ashu ke saamne. Chlo vaise bhi Ashu Abhi se milne me least interested sa hi lag rha tha to mujhe laga ki koi panga nhi hi hua. Phir main apne hostel ke andar chli gyi apna samaan aur kuch yaadein batorne.

15 minute baad jab main vaapis aayi to maine dekha ki jahan main apni zindagi ke do pyare larkon ko chorh kr gyi thi vahan sirf Ashu hi tha. Maine jab poocha ki Abhi kahan chla gaya to vo bola ki usko kuch kaam tha isi liye vo apne hostel chala gaya. Mujhe daal me kuch kala to laga isi liye maine Abhi ko call kiya. Ek phir do phir teen aise karte karte 29 missed calls ke baad maine haar maan li aur khudko rok liye Abhi ke number ko Teesvin baar dial karne se. Meri is harkat ne Ashu ko gussa dila diya tha ki ape boyfriend ko chor ke main kaise kisi anjaan ke liye itna concerned ho rhi hu . bas this was the limit maana ki mera aur ashu ka rishte thodi tensed chal raha tha but still iska ye matlab to nhi banta ki vo mere doston especially Abhi ke baare mein kuch bhi bole.

Ashu ne bhi aakhri bol hi diya ki koi fayda nhi hoga usko call karne ka as jab main hostel me gayi thi to Ashu ne Abhi ko kaha ki “Mujhe ummeed hai ki tum aaj ke baad kabhi bhi Anamika se dubara baat karne ki koshish nahi karoge as pehle hi tumhe lekar hum dono mein bohot Jhagde ho chuke hain”. Bas muhe to itna gussa aaya ki koi itna bhi insecure kaise ho sakta hai. “Main tumhari Gf hu Ashu, for God’s sake thoda to trust kiya karo mujhpr” par nhi vo to ek hi ratt lagaye baitha tha ki mujhe Abhi se dubara koi baat nhi karni as use accha nhi laga Abhi. Behes kuch jaroorat se jyada hi barh gayi aur maine gusse me aakr vo kaam kiya jo mujhe lagta hai ki bohot pehle hi mujhe kar dena chahiye tha aur vo tha Breakup……

Bas phir kya tha main apne toote dil ke saath apne ghar pahunch gyi. Ghar aate saar mummy ne mujhe khilana pilana shuru kar diya aur saath hi hostel mess walon ko taane bhi maare ki meri phool si bacchi ko kya khana dene mein koi dikkat thi jo vo kamjori se itni murjha si gayi hai. Chalo isi bahane mujhe atleast accha khana to khaane ko mil raha hai to maine bhi object nhi kiya. Plus mere object karne se vaise bada mummy ne ruk jana tha.. unko dekh kr to lag raha tha ki jaise unhone to chaar saal ka saara khane ka quota aaj hi nipta dena hai. Chlo aise hi mere din beetne lage but phir bhi ek kaam adhoora sa rehta tha but himmat hi nhi ho paa rahi thi mujhme. Main roz apna smartphone uthati , Abhi ka number bhi type karti bas call ke us green se pyare se button par click na kar paati. Lekin meri is duvidha ka bhi ek hal nikal aaya aur vo tha humara Final Sem ka result.

Mujhe result ne vo time yaad kara diya college ka jahan har sem ka result Abhi ka main hi check kiya karti thi aur phir vo din yaad aa hi gaya jab 3rd sem me Abhi se meri thodi larai ho gayi aur usne apna result khud hi check kiya. Bechari abhi…uski to Back lagi thi us sem me… bas phir kya tha usne to thaan hi liya ki chahe jo bhi hoga mere result ko hamesha Anamika hi check karegi.

Bas phir kya tha in purani memories se himaat lekar maine pehle apne result ki jagah par Abhi ka result khola. Darte darte maine type kiya tha uska roll no. ki kahin mera charm khatam to nhi ho gaya but thanks to God vo naubat nhi aayi. Maine aona phone uthaya aur Abhi ke number par ek message type kiya ”Congoz… 77.3 % aaye hain janaab ke…. Naaraaz ho kya mujhse jo baat bhi nhi karte ab to”. Phir is message ko kayi baar parhne ke baad maine naaraaz wala part hata diya aur phir ye message send kar diya “Congoz… 77.3 % aaye hai janaab ke… aur kaise ho bhool hi gaye mujhe lagta hai”. Phir aa gaya vo time jahan mujhe uske message ka wait karna tha aur yahan ye batane ka main apna farz maanti hu ki bhale hi larkon ko hum girl bohot wait karvati hain but still kabhi agar humko koi wait karvata hai tab pata chalta hai ki kitna ajeeb lagta hai wait karna. Chlo nonetheless 10 minute baad uska reply aa hi gaya, itni excited thi main ki finally reply to aya aur kya dekha ki reply aya tha “Thnx”. Mujhe gussa to aya ki had hi hai sirf thanx aur kuch bhi nahi bola Abhi ne but phir mujhe realize ho hi gaya ki naaraaz hai sachme vo ohot to isii liye maine use reply kiya ki “Naaraaz lagte ho mujhse”. Is baar Abhi ne intazzar nhi karvaya aur likh diya ”Bohot naaraaz hun”. Ab mujhe saha nhi gaya aur maine bheja”Call karun tumhe?”. Well maine kaunsa uske reply ka wait karna tha aur isi liye maine ek minute ke baad usko call ki. Call uthayi usne aur maine kaha:

“Hello…..”

“Hello, kaun?”.

“Yaar anamika bol rhai hun, ab to matlab awaaz bhi nhi pehchani jati.”

Phir maine thoda sa nakli gussa dikhate huye ek bohot gusse wala “Huh” kaha.

“Ýr aisa nhi hai, just number naya tha to thodi shock sa laga”, usne safaai di.

Mujhe bohot pasand tha uska aise safaai dena vo bhi bina kisi galti ke , kyunki vo mujhe naaraaz nhi karna chahta tha.

“Papa ka hai postpaid mumber so baat zara araam se ho jayegi is liye is se kiya,,, is number ko save na karna”, maine kaha.

“Main to karunga hi, uncle ko tumhare pune wale bf ke baare me bhi to batana hai”, usne bola.

Maine man me socha ki kya timing hai uski baat karne ki”Yr kya bataun mera Breakup ho gaya hai Ashu se”.

“Yr breakup to pehle bhi 4 baari hua tha college ke chaar saalon me”, usne mujhe cherte hue kaha.

“Nhi yr is baar to ekdam final wala hai”

“Pehle bhi do baar aisa hi kaha tha tumne aur phir patchup bhi ho gaya tha agle hi din”,Abhi ki awaz me thodi sa apnapan aur thodi mazak jhalak raha tha.

“Yr ek to main pareshan hu upar se tere Mazak nhi khatam ho rhe”.

Phir usne mujhse vo sawaal pooch liye jo main avoid karna chahti thi “Kya hua tha aisa jo itna tagra decision le lia tumne?”

Main kuch boli nhi to vo samajh gaya aur saath bola “Agar nhi batana to mat batao main force nhi karunga”

“Abhi to nhi lekin main jaroor batungi tumhe vo reason, ye sab chodho aur batao kahan hui placement?”

“Abhi to kahi bhi nahi… kuch dino baad tak ki ummed hai ki final call aa hi jayegi, tum batao tumhara kya bana?”, usne kaha.

“Oh yes, bataya hi nahi tumhe …Mumbai me lagi hai job,11th july ko hai reporting.”

” Accha kya aisa possible hai ki tumhari bhi job Mumbai me hi lag jaye”, ek katori mein thode shehed me umeed gholte hue maine kaha.

“Haan, bilkul chances to hai ki Mumbai me hi mil jaye job”,usne kaha.

“Phir to kaash Mumbai me hi milke tumhe job phir tum mujhe milne aya karna”,maine kaha.

“College ki yaad aati hai?”, maine poocha.

Bas ab aur details dekr kya bore karun aapko… bas phir is call me humne college ki 4 saalon ki life ko kayi baar dubara jee liya.

Mujhe to ab doubt hi hone lag gaya tha ki itne din maine khudko kaise roka Abhi se baatein krne se. chlo kya fark parta ae ab to atleast baatein krti hi hun roz, par abhi bhi uske sawaal ka jawaaab dene ki himaat nhi kar payi ki kyu breakup hua tha mera.

Ek din shaam ke waqt Abhi ka achanak mere number par call aaya. Main room me nhi thi but jab vapis aayi to kya dekhti hu 20 missed calls. Well saari Abhi ki to nhi thi, 2 mobile company walon ki thi, 2 mere ghar me kaam krne wali aunty ke, haan 8 calls Abhi ki thi but unfortunately 10 calls Ashu ke bhi the. Well maine apne dil ki suni aur Abhi ko call back kiya, but Abhi kahin Bheedh mein tha to uski awaaz nhi aa rhi thi to baat ho nhi payi. Phir kaam wali aunty se baat krne ke baad mera phone phir ring krne laga. Maine Accept Call ki taraf kiya select aur boli “Kya yr kahan rehta ho aajkal”.

“I’m sorry”, saamne ki us awaaz ne mujhe chaunka diya. Is se pehle main kuch samajh pati vo aage bolne lag gaya.

“Yr mujhe pata hai meri jaan mujhse khafa ae but yr tumhe to pata hi hai ki main aisa hi hu , mujhe hamesha hi dar lagta rehta hai ki kahin tumhe mujhse koi cheen kar na le jaye. Please yr maaf kar do mujhe”

“Maaf to nhi kar sakti main as main naaraaz hi nhi thi is baar…”

“Oh thank God main aise hi itna soch rha tha”

Ab to seriously main maar dungi isko, pehle to mujhe baat poori nhi karne di aur ab assume bhi kar raha ki main maaf kar dungi isko.

“Oh hello pehle poori baat khatam karne do mujhe. Main tumse isliye naaraaz nhi hun is baar as I don’t even care now for you. Itna insecure jo hai vo kya hi pyaar karega mujhe. So mujhe dubara call mat karna sab khatam ho chuka hai. It’s all over and u better leave it that way” , itna kehkar main call cut karne hi lagi thi ki vo bola

“Yaar mujhe pata hai tum gussa ho mujhse chalo ek baat to maan lo ek last baar hi aa jao milne mujhe Pune me, tumhari job Mumbai me hi hai tabhi aa jana milne. Please ek last baar”

“Main sochungi is baare me so hopes mat jagana koi ab. Bye”, is baar bina kuj aur sune cut kar diya maine call ko.

Main just react karne hi wali thi ki Abhi ka call aaya aur vo bola

“Ek bad news, kaise bataun yr tumhe?” thodi serious si awaaz thi Abhi ki.

Ghabrati hui si awaaz mein maine kaha” Batao yr”

“Aaj placement wali company se call aaya tha…” ye bolkr vo chup ho gaya.

Mera dil kisi train ke engine ki tarah full speed me chalne lag gaya aur ruansi si awaaz mein maine kaha “Kya kaha unhone” ro hi padi thi main just jab vo bola

“O shit!! Yr tum to rone lag gyi, sorry sorry main to maze ke liye footage kha raha tha. Koi dikkat nhi hai tension na lo. Yr placement ho gyi hai meri , vo bhi Mumbai me hi. Tumhari poora sir khana hai mujhe ab to .”

“Tu aa zara Mumbai aa maine maar-maar ke tera chehra na bigada to mera naam bhi Anamika nhi” ,man me phoot te laddoo ko dabate hue maine nakli se gusse me kaha ye.

“Han-han Hitler Anamika g jo marzi saza dena mujhe. 18th shaam ko karna hai report to 17th shaam tak aa jaunga, vahan pehle hotel me ek week aur phir mujhe training ke baar apna quarter bhi mil jayega”

“Theek hai theek hai”, abhi bhi vo nakli gussa”Accha chal maaf kar rhi tujhe kyunki tujhe ye batana tha ki mere ek uncle ka flat hai Mumbai me hi jo agle ek saal tak khaali hi rehne wala hai to main apni ek friend ke saath 26th ko vahan shift karungi. Plus haan main tumhe lene aaungi Station pr 17th ko”.

“Han bilkul aana hi parega tumhe to Tour Guide g”, usne cherhte hue kaha.

“Accha ek aur baat yaha July ke Baarishein shuru ho jati hain to usi hisaab se apne kapre lekar aana, Chlo mujhe shopping karne jana hai baad me karti hu baat tumse, bbye and take care.”

Iske baar agle kuj dino me jab bhi Abhi ka koi bhi call aaya to main shopping me hi buzy mili usko. Andar se accha to bohot lag raha tha usko satana , kyu , iska mujhe bhi nhi pata.

Chlo vo 17 ko Shaam wali ‘Magadh Express’ se Mumbai central Station me aa hi gaya. Maine door se hi dekh liya tha usko train se nikalte hue, dekhti kaise na uski favourite Lemon coloured shirt ko to main 110 km door se bhi pehchaan jaun, maine hi to di thi usko vo hehehe.

Bas jaise hi train bilkul khaali ho gayi aur uski aankhein mujhe dhoondne lag gyi mai uske saamne aa gayi. Maine apni favourite blue jeans aur ek white Superman t-shirt daali hui thi.Use dekhte hi main samajh gayi ki uske man bhi vahi sawaal chal raha hai jo mere man me chal raha hai ki Haath milaun ya Gale laga lun seedhe hi. Kitna ajeeb hai na ye sab ki kis tarah ek handshake bohot kam aur ek hug bohot jyada lagne lag jata hai kayi baar.

Chlo maine apne man se saare khayal nikale aur usko gale se laga liya, uski pakad me mujhe bohot accha lag raha tha but kya karein ghar bhi to jana hi tha so humne ek doosre ko chorh diya. Abhi ka saaman hotel mein rakhwane ke baad main usko Band Stand le gayi jahan Har umar ke larke larkiyan apne beech ke pyar ya dosti ki doori ke hisab se hi paas ya door baithe hue the. Aajtk jab bhi hum kahin bahar gaye the hamesha hi koi na koi time boundation to thi hi as girls hostel wale girls ko ek fixed time ke liye hi bahar jane dete the but aaj na koi time limit aur na hi koi rokne wala .

Bohot der tak baatein karte rhe hum dono aur na jaane kab isi sab me raat ke 9 baj gaye. Humne ek pass ke hi restraint me dinner kiya aur use uske hotel me drop karne ke baad main apne hotel chali gayi.

Us din ke baad humari thodi kam hi baat ho payi as nyi job mein set hone ki koshish me tha vo aur main bhi thodi kam hi time free nikal paa rhai thi. But still roz lunch break ke time humne ek call ka to rule sa hi bana liya tha. Bas us call me main use yaad dilate thi ki 26th ko use meri shifting me help karwani hai aur isi liye half day lena hai aur vo bolta tha ki yaad hai use acche se aur agar boss ne nhi diya half day to vo bhaag kr bhi aa jayegi but ayega jarur. Yar ye pyari pyari baatein to mujhe chain ki saans bhi nhi lene deti hain, kaise samjhati hu dil ko ki ‘Dosti kharab nhi karni hai pyar me parke’ but roz hi asar kuch kam hota hua dikh raha tha.

26th July, 2014 is tareekh ne sabkuch badal ke rakh diya hum dono ki life me. Subah se hi bohot baarish ho rahi thi aur jabtk Abhi half day lekar mere office pahuncha tabtak sadkon par 1 foot tk pani bhar gaya tha. humne jaldi jaldi saaman liya mera aur uncle ke ghar ke liye nikal diye. Bhale hi uncle ka ghar 15 minute ki doori par tha lekin paani bhar jane ki vajah se hume jyada nhi bas 5 ghante hi extra lag gaye, no big deal na….

3rd floor par tha uncle ka flat, jisme saman rakhne ke baad jakr kahin chain ki saans lene lage the ki meri dost ka phone aaya ki vo office me hi fasi hui hai jyada paani bhar jane ki vajah se. isi beech mere ghar se mujhe calls par calls aa rhi thi ki shifting kar li aur kya meri dost Ritu aayi thi mere saath aur bhi basic se kaafi jyada sawaal. Maine na jane kyun kisi ko ye nhi bataya ki Abhi tha saath me . raat 12 bajne par bhi jab Ritu nhi aayi to hume patra chal gaya ki ab to vo nhi aayegi. Bhookh bohot lagi hui thi isi lliye humne maggi banayi aur main aur Abhi khane baith gaye.

Ghar par maine jhooth bol diya ki Ritu aa gyi thi aur vo chinta na karein. Tabhi phone par Ashu ki call flash hote hue dekhi maine. Kayi baar cut karne ke baad bhi jab vo hata nahin to maine usi call attend ki aur doosre room me chahli gayi. Vo bharka hua tha ki main call kyu nhi le rhi thi as Mumbai ki baarish ki vajah se use bohot fikar ho rahi thi meri. Maine bohot rudely baat ki us se as koi jarurat nhi hai chinta karne ki as mere saath Abhi hai. Bas phir aage ki conversation ek tarah se useless hi thi ki vo kyun aaya hai and all. Bas last me usne itna hi kaha.

“Us choohe jaise jo bol de ki nikal jaye jaldi se vahan se main aa raha hu apni Anamika ke pass” aur phone cut kar diya.

Abhi ne dekha ki meri aankhon mein aansoo the isliye kuch nhi poocha mujhse jabtak mere aansoo khud hi sookh nhi gaye. Uske baad poocha usne ki kyu ro rahi thi main.

“Abhi yar Ashu aa raha hai aur vo nhi chahta ki tum mere saath yahan ruko” aur phir vo chup ho gayi.

“To kya main rukun tumhare saath ya jaun?”

Main chup hi rahi to Abhi ne apni plate uthayi aur kitchen me rakhne chahla gaya. Phir vo darwaze ki taraf barhne laga, aur apna umbrella uthate hue meri taraf murha uski aankhon me mujhe aansuon ki ek jhalak dikhayi de gayi.

Mujhse aur nhi saha gaya aur main bhaag ke uske gale lag gayi. Jitni der tak main uske gale lagi rahi utni der ke liye duniya me do hi log the, duniya me na kuch galat tha aur na kuch sahi .

Theek utni der mera aur Abhi ka na to koi past tha aur na koi future. Theek utni der humara rishte aisa tha jaise barsaat ke baad patti par baithi do boondein ka hota hai jo girne se theek pehle ek ho jati hain.

Mere aur Abhi ke beech us raat jo bhi hua use main Dosti bolkr Aasaan nhi karna chahti aur pyaar bolkar mushkil nahi karna chahti. Tabhi to shayad kisi ne vo do shabd banaye hai “It’s Complicated”.

By Inderjot Singh Chadha