IS GROWING AS A LONER ACTUALLY WORTH IT ? ARE YOU A “FORCED INTROVERT” ?

By ADITYA SWAMI

Childhood has been an Utopian world, for all of us. Where we had eyes which could only see our valuable toys, lush green playgrounds or peculiar candies but some how we beautifully ignored every vice that was present in our surroundings then. When our quick and fine sense of smelling things would take us to our neighbour’s house without any “shame” when we admired the dish they were cooking, that lovely nose of ours could not sniff hidden motives of anybody. We were more instinctive than mechanical, more natural then bonded.

Then we grew up, saw this this world learned about its capitalistic nature where children were not that “productive” and we got preaching from our parents in early teens that if we do not swim in this deep water of life someday some shark will swallow us in the blink of an eye. Not denying this harsh reality, but did it ever occur to anyone’s mind how irritating that continuous pricking was! As if that “shark” was showing mercy by not killing us but constantly poking its sharp- edged nose on our tender soft bellies just to keep us aware what’s coming ahead. ( surely worse if we didn’t work as directed what they said).

In the urge to beat maybe their cousin’s child, unknowingly living their unfulfilled dreams through our eyes we were pushed in a competition that was not natural, which was in itself a construct invented by society. Here our subjectivity had no place and only some limited avenues or options were framed as “objective” or reasonable. An artist, dancer or a singer were all seen fighting to become engineers, doctors, bureaucrats in their early adulthood.

In this experiment of life we all got consumed to be the obedient ones and we ourselves surprisingly shamed the few deviant ones for listening to their heart!

With this tendency inside us of becoming affluent getting millions of dollars and gain every materialistic thing of this world, we also started to see our friends and even siblings as our competitors, a series of endless conflicts emerged at each exam, step in following years we grew up. Putting aside our natural gregarious instinct of staying close in our vicinity we moved to stay alone. A total loner.

As we are what we read and we what we proudly share on Whatsapp looks like this, “Don’t depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in darkness.” Like seriously? what about a human for human, or how we are better when we are united.

All these misinterpreted quotes lead to well accepted norm of staying aloof whenever possible, spending more time with ourselves, pretending to be busy “24x7”. In fact this is not just a behaviour anymore, we are rewarded for just being trapped in a room or what I call as a “self- made jail” as it symbolize our hardworking nature towards life irrespective of whether it yielded any fruit yet.

It is a common practise of punishing criminals in one such form of detention where people are confined to a room by themselves. Totally alone, that might suggest even the judiciary and the criminal justice rehabilitation know how disastrous it is to one’s mental health and life to be trapped like this, that’s why it is a “punishment” right? On the contrary it is celebrated to see our kids and new generation stuck at one place with computers and all sorts of technology in hands. No doubt concentration levels up when one spends time in a silent rom but are we caring enough to evaluate our new generation from time to time ?

With the idea of success being linked with staying “busy” we demarcate individuals who could not cope up with this fast- paced scenario of life owing to their fundamental nature, Psychology says any mental disease is enhanced if one secludes from society, go less in sunlight or talk less than usual. I believe no one is as busy as they portray, making extroverts a “forced introvert” by not welcoming their proposal to spend some time together is one of the root causes of why people feel so alone. Forget about taking initiative, people ignore their friends and family now in name of seeking that temporary success.

In fact what follows is a series of unbearable lectures by the “hard workers” to the “less hardworking “ ones to stay alone and concentrate, to stay in a room and to connect with oneself, I wonder what if someone was interested in becoming a group dancer for a world renowned competition would they still speak up like this ?

Irrespective of mindsets and personalities our new trends seem to create a barrier in society where success and money when equated create friends. Humanity still exists in second graders moral value books but the meaning has some what got sublimated into thin air.

What is the need of the our is – listening to each other actually, start by 5 minutes only if you are really busy, but this human connection will give a sense of great relief to the one who craves for it. Everybody is unique and so is their way of getting that much needed serotonin boost. So give an equal chance to people who try to connect with you more often, remember those college friends who are finding it hard to match up with the mainstream world. Ask about the well being of a stranger whom you might meet in a public transport next time!

If you are one of those who also feel that society has made you a “forced introvert” you better break those chains for good and keep searching for the right people who will definitely resonate with you like you deserve to be.

By ADITYA SWAMI