Illusion of Control

By Mariyam Qurayshi

I sit here in class daydreaming while someone in the background talks about the art of life saving.

My mind keeps wandering as I keep pondering what would it be like to find this genuinely interesting.

Lack of motivation, in this crucial situation

Is just one of the signs that Im in a difficult position.

Deluding myself thinking I’m gaining information but it’s just my imagination.

The fire of determination lost as an excuse for self compassion.

One dạy I’ll look back and see what this situation lacks.

but sitting here listening to something boring is what my younger self would find amusing, so I put up a fight with my heart to push through like a cart.

Then I feel it, the grim satisfaction that I am controlling my situation.

But in the end control is just an illusion.

By Mariyam Qurayshi