I Yearn For You

By Tania Basak

I have never seen such a nuts like you.Yes, you know you are a little bit outlandish.I think I don't deserve you.You can't be happy with me so find a rich guy, marry him who'll fulfill all your dreams, all your expectations cause I am not capable of fulfill your desires.I don't want to waste your life.You know sometimes I think how could you decide to spend the rest of your life with me? Can you please tell me? I am not getting you. How could you fall in love with me? With a " Dawdler guy?" I am not earning a tad bit like you. Don't you see or you are trying to avoid it? What? I really want to know.

"What?"

"Why are you smiling at?" You asked

Your colleagues keep japing you continuously by telling that, "Oh! my goodness! Your boyfriend has not got a job yet? And you are still dating that weedy? I would say it would be better to leave him.You are earing a tad bit, you are settled in your life but what about that guy? You are just frittering your time away on that goon, nothing else."And Your friends keep telling "I think it's been more than two and a half years he is trying to get a job. If I am not wrong, he is a private tutor. Right? How much does he earn? Is he that impecunious that he can't afford an expensive gifts for you like our boyfriends do? If he can't fulfill these little wishes then what are you expecting from him in future? Stop wasting your time and money on that guy.Are you really blind?"

"Don't you think that you shouldn't date me?"

"Don't you feel embarrassed to call me your boyfriend?"Have i ever taken you to those malls? Have i ever taken you to the starbucks? Have I ever gifted you fast track watch? Have I ever taken you to those expensive restaurants? Tell me, when was the last time, we went to your favourite restaurant? Last year you brought an expensive shirt for me on my birthday. remember? Whenever we go on a date, you pay the bill most of the time.No, don't try to change the topic. What do I give on Valentine's day?Just look at those couples and look at you. You are sitting in a road side dhaba and having tea with me and you call it a "Perfect date?", You yelled.

"You are the jack of all trades."

"Would you mind if I slap you or call you kooky and will you please stop giving lectures?"

No just tell me, if you really want then I will do it with pleasure. May I?" I answered you sarcastically.

Remember that day when I lost my baba, you were the only person who consoled me cause I was out of sorts, crying my eyes out, completely battered then you just held my hand and said "Stop crying. Don't think that your are alone, this idiot will never leave you." When I was not getting any job, when my friends, my colleagues had started spifflicating by calling me a, 'Lame duck",I used to call them up for help, but they would not talk to me, had started keeping distance from me as I was jobless, my standard was not matching with them and they had already got a job. I had started losing my confidence consummately and thinking that, 'Why am I so ratty?', "Am I not trying?", "Am I not good enough?", when my own people had started turning into complete strangers, when I had become completely shipwrecked after my relationship with that guy was over. I was stuck at a point, completely buttoned-up, all alone, I couldn't even consolidate unerringly on something. I used to go for the interviews but unfortunately I was getting rejected back to back,only you were there, who had faith on me more than myself, who kept on saying continuously that, "Don't listen to others, just focus on yourself, let them bark, work hard and prove them wrong.You will have to notch up your goals, as simple as that." I still remember you used to come with me everyday and wait outside those offices for hours until I came and would ask me whether I had something in lunch or not, and I used to often forget to bring food but you would cook and fetch for me, also upbraid me for not taking care of myself like my baba used to do. When I was having a bloodcurdling pain in my whole body and tremendous headache due to fever. The temperature was so high that I couldn't even sleep properly. I felt so flimsy that I was unable to stand on my feet and kept throwing up throughout the night, you were the only one who went to the shop and brought medicine for me. I can still recall that day when I was having period cramps and it was so grim that I was wincing in pain, couldn't even go the bathroom, then you picked me up with your arms and took me to the bathroom. How can I forget those times when I was not having money to buy books but you had bought for me from your tuition fees and gifted me on my birthday. Those nights when I used to remain awake and panic but you had simmer me down by telling those lord krishna's stories, where he has told that difficulties will come,issues will come no matter who you are, but you'll keep fighting.Only you could feel me.You would ask me if I had given my best or not, you would never ask me wether I was selected or not, where these people didn't even ask me if I am okay or not?They were always ready to cast me down, I kept on lamenting day after day for not getting a job, only I know that how much I would displease you but without getting irritated you would listen to me diligently, because I knew, only you will understand me.Whenever I would call you up, whether it was 2 or 3 at midnights you were always there for me, always.

I had been going through a tough time, when you were with me. You were the only person, who thought that I am not a loon, who emboldened me rather than shoving me off on those circumstances. You aided me mentally. I told you over and over again to leave me, did you leave me? You said, "Listen to me,everything is going to be alright. Don't think that I'll start rapping out on you if you say all these. No, I'll never be tired of listening to, bad days don't last forever and don't think too much."

Remember?

You did not leave me on my bad days then how can you expect that I'll shove you off? Are you really thinking that I'll be listening to those people? And yes, I gifted an expensive shirt but did you take? No and what did you say? Rich guy? No, I don't want any rich guy. Understood? You know what is the difference between you and those people? They left me when i had nothing but you didn't push me away, you were with me. We'll fulfill our dreams together so don't worry. I am with you.You know, we have many people in our palmy days but they become imperceptible when we need them, everyone can promise,which is not a big deal now a days, but there are few who can actually keep their words and you are one of them.Believe me, it's impossible to get such kind of love and support these days, which I got from you. No matter how many times you call me crazy but this girl won't leave you.This girl will keep nettling you. Now stop talking and hug me idiot.” I said and kissed you.

By Tania Basak