I Still Relish You

By Tania Basak

"Likhe jo khat tujhe wo teri yaad mein

Hazaron rang ke nazaare ban gaye

Likhe jo khat tujhe wo teri yaad mein

Hazaron rang ke nazaare ban gaye

Savera jab hua to phool ban gaye

Jo raat aayi to sitaare ban gaye

Likhe jo khat tujhe."

Remember this song? Yes, this is your favourite.It reminds me of you.

No, i don't have any regrets. Those days are still special to me cause I cherish you

No, i don't have any regrets. Those days are still special to me cause I cherish you.

You are someone who gave me unswore memories, who taught me the exact meaning of love, who taught me that loving someone with all your heart doesn't mean that the person will be with you forever, never. Those were the best days of my life when you were mine. You know, Its been a one year, yes it's been 365 days since you left me.Sounds really weird, isn't so? For me, it's hard to believe but the fact is you are not with me but it doesn't mean that I stopped loving you.No i can't detest you because there was a time when you mattered to me the most, when my world used to revolve around you.

Those enticing memories and ample silly fights had started rekindling when I saw you the last night. Some funny incidents started flashing up in front of my eyes when I heard you haggling with a shopkeeper and trust me I couldn't stop laughing seeing that scenario. I used to tease by calling you "Bargain hunter". Remember madam?

You dressed up yourself with a black kurti blue jeans. If I am not wrong, it was the same dress you endued in our first date.You wore that nose pin, a black bindi and your favourite earings.I just couldn't take my eyes off because you were looking snatched in that black outfit but you did not put lipstick on your lip. I would ask you, "Why don't you use lipstick like other girls? And you told me, "No, i don't like lipstick."

"Why are you asking me?"

"Am I not looking good?"

And I was like, "Good?, No, you are looking like a droll."

Remember?

Tell me, do you still read book before going to bed? Do you still pray before going to sleep? Do you still wake up late in the morning? Do you still order your food online because you are so sluggish that can't even cook your own food. Do you still forget to take your medicines? I still remember that I used to remind you. I wanted to talk to you, i wanted to ask you but I was brittle, i was scared because I did not know how would you react after seeing me but somehow i gathered courage and was about to call your name when i saw a guy came up to you with a bunch of sunflowers, a big teddy bear and your favourite strawberry cake but you were so enraged that as soon as you saw him you started rapping out and slapped him as he was late and everyone looked at you but that guy bent on his knees and started to say sorry. You were about to leave that place when he held your hand and pulled you close.He took out a photo collage from his bag and said that he had been making this for two days so that he could gift you.You started crying after seeing that gift and embraced him tightly.He snogged your forehead and said, "Are you happy miss? Oh god! It's difficult to handle you." And you both started snickering and It just took me back to those days when you would wait for me. I still remember our first date. Oh my god! You had been waiting for one hour . You became so cut up that you were not picking up my calls, not replying my messages but somehow i handled that situation and all your anger, sulkiness vanished within seconds when I gave you your favourite strawberry cake and those memories started to flash up in front of me.

I really don't know why did I stand there? Why couldn't i feel anything? I went numb and was standing there like a clod and kept looking at your smiling face.I don't know why? I should have cried seeing you with someone else, i should have felt jealous but I was obtuse, i was quiet. You were looking exultant with him, your eyes were sparkling with joy.I took out the wallet from my pocket which you had given me on our first valentines day. There is a pic of us where we looked unmeekly cute. It was our first selfe. You kept telling me to delete that because you were looking like a cute panda, your eyes looked puffy, your hair was messy.You kept hassling with me because you thought that it was not that good but for me it was slender.No, i didn't wrasse any of our pictures, i didn't tear any gifts, i didn't incinerate that diary where I used to jot down about us every night and guess what, i still scribble and I will keep doing that. And you still wear heels? Remember that incident where you had fallen and your ankle got sprained. You were clamoring like a 10 years old child and then I picked you up with my arms cause you couldn't walk. Call me noodle but I won't stop loving you. Yes, you are happy with someone else but that does it mean that I'll stop loving you? No but does that guy upbraid you for not taking care of yourself? Does he love you the way I used to do? Does he know which perfume you like the most? Does he hug you the way I used to clasp you when you would cry? Does his hugs give you that warmth? Does he know that you prefer lays over kurkure? Does he know you like kitkat, not diary milk? Does he know that you like pizza, not burger? Does he caress your forehead when you drift off? Does he lighten up your mood the way I used to do? Does he know about your likes and dislikes? Does he tell stories of lord krishna when you feel down in the dumps? I am sure he does, he loves you more than me.

I never mused that you would say those alluring words "I love you" to someone else which you once told me. I am sorry, i won't nettle you by telling all these shits but you know what is the funny and eccentric part about memories? Sometimes they make us cry like hell, invade us wifflingly and sometimes these make us peppy. No matter how many times those beautiful memories dash me off, no matter how many times those memories haunt me like a nightmare, no matter how many times those memories splash my eyes you and your memories always fetch a smile on my face and i'll keep cherishing our memories because I relish you.

By Tania Basak