I Lost My Battle With The Devil

By Priyanka Pillai

TW: It contains topic of sexual assault 

They say demons are the creatures of the dark 

But I met many during the broad daylight 

They didn’t have yellow eyes and contorted faces with green liquid spewing out

They were normal looking, very human, so human that they looked like masks donned by demons

Childhood

A period when kids should only know happiness and safety

There were kids who involuntarily dealt in fear and danger

The only hurt they should ever feel should be of skinned knees or bruised elbow

But there were kids who dealt with demons who skinned them alive and bruised their innocence 

But behind the sunshine that shed its light on little kids, there were little ones who lived in fear, enveloped by dark clouds at all times, holding a secret too ashamed to say it out loud. 

I was one of them

I didn’t meet a demon; I met a devil 

And he visited me every day. 

The Milkman 

Let me tell you how simple that demon looked 

Yet it exuded terror and reeked of abomination

He was the collector of souls

He would deliver milk and stole fragments of my soul till I was hollow

His hair was black and greasy like his spirit, sported a thin mustache adding to his nefariousness

His skin glistened, casting an eerie glow upon his wicked demeanor

He exuded an unsettling smell of milk which lingered even after he left. 

He always wore a white striped shirt, with his sleeves folded just below his elbows.

He knew his claws needed no disturbance when he would snatch away my childhood

The clock struck six

He is ready for his tricks 

Knock Knock! Came the devil

The foreboding was infernal

Hell, no one is home 

As if he knows 

I take the milk bowl 

With trembling hands I open the door 

His sinister stubborn glare fixed upon me

Creating discomfort and ready to feast upon my meat

He takes the empty bowl, fills it up with milk 

When he gives me back the bowl, the way he squeezes my little hands, it gives me a creepy chill 

He raises his claws and grabs my little coming of age chest

With shock that set in, I couldn't protest 

He squeezed them so hard, tears welled in my eyes

The pain was so unbearable and the shock so profound, I found myself unable to cry 

The moment that lasted for few seconds, lasted for a lifetime 

But he never cared because this was his pass time 

He came every day, knocking on the door and corrupted my innocence 

He would fool my parents, under false pretense 

I never could utter a word to my parents

Firstly I didn’t know what was happening, just knew it was malevolence 

Secondly, I didn't know how, I didn't know what to call this thing

Just something that happened everyday and i endured it all with a sting

Even today, I have to behave like it is okay to suffer through this 

And I fell into a never-ending abyss

Because of my fear, the devil walked away scot-free, and lo and behold, won the evil

And this is how, I lost my battle with the devil

By Priyanka Pillai