I am trying

By Vrischika Kotak

perhaps it is time i forgive myself for being here, whatever that is supposed to mean. perhaps, it is time i open the blinds and let the light in and feel the warmth of the sun dissolving underneath my skin without feeling like i don’t deserve to live, time i eat more than just an apple for lunch without feeling guilty for doing so.

for once, i want to put daisies in my hair and wear glittery pink eyeshadow and a sundress without looking for parts of me i think i would look better off without like when i look in the mirror and draw circles with a red marker pen around parts of my body i wish i could cut off – like my little belly pouch, the stretch marks around my thighs and the freckles covering my arms. i didn’t know that trying to be good would hurt this much and i didn’t know growing up meant unloving the very skin that i was born in. i am trying to let myself just be, to exist and breathe without feeling like i’m too much of a liability.

By Vrischika Kotak