Hurting Flame

By Jeeva Jijo

Stay away from me please,

You know I only hurt you.

If you stay near, beloved,

You’ll be burned.

I shine alone to-

Give you the light but-

Again, stay away. 

I will only hurt you.

With every touch, I was-

Sucking the life out of you, my-

Love and living out of you. I-

Am aware, though I never was, 

My concern is only causing you,

More pain, you’ve been inhaling-

All the heat and smoke, I-

Was deceived by the thought, I-

Was giving you light and warmth.

I am hurting, by the thought of-

You hurting cause of me, my-

Love is only giving you more pain.

The flame, I, thought was shining, but-

Oh, beloved! I was only burning, I-

Never gave you any warmth or light.

Stay away from me please,

You know I only hurt you, when-

It takes me more courage than Earth, to-

Say these out loud, love, I’m-

Begging you to go away, I-

Falter and waver in the wind, as-

I lie to myself again this time, only if I-

Knew what I could possibly do.

I’m afraid, of everything, you-

Your pain, light and myself.

I’m afraid, you might collapse in,

No time, I have already filled your-

Heart with smoke and your

Skin is melting, I am afraid-

You might change, in no time, I-

Wish I could go eliminated, I-

Pray it will be okay, even if I-

Can’t see you every day, I-

Just want you to be away, away.

The same words I repeat, it’s-

Echoing within my body.

The same words I repeat, with-

The same voice I have left aside, you-

Nod at everything, you bow down with-

A bright wide smile on your face, like-

You haven’t been poisoned, like-

You haven’t been bruised, and I-

Wincingly close my eyes, as I-

See you come nearer, closer, closer.

You spread out your debilitating arms, and-

Hold me close in a tight embrace, I-

Falter and shed tears, your adamant love,

Hurt me more and then, you held my-

Desiccated flame tighter, I reneged.

I never kept you safe, my eyelids-

Pressed together and I awaited us,

To fade away, to burn away as ashes.

Ashes in thin air and nothing more, I-

Was drenched in my tears, I then saw, my-

Flame dampening, softening and-

Disappearing. 

Disappearing.

Disappearing.

You only let go of me, then-

With bright beaming eyes, still-

And then, I knew, I-

Was wrong all along, you-

Were the true flame of my fire, I-

Cowered beneath myself, then-

Until I found you, I never told you,

Anything else and I am more grateful,

You never listened to me, you never have.

I should’ve given you the reins, long before.

I am a flame, of bright lavender, you-

Are keeping me warm, you aren’t

Exhaling smoke into my eyes, I desire-

You never think so; you are hurting me.

Even if I wither away, even-

If I’m inhaling dust smoke all day, 

I shall never,

Leave.

Can never.

By Jeeva Jijo