How Long Does Longing Last?

By Riddhi Trivedi

How long does the longing last? - Riddhi Trivedi

It’s too risky a bargain I thought to myself

It’s too risky a bargain to lose a friend in search of love

And so I thought whatever his answer maybe I shall say “ no”.

I had to remind myself,

That I had started the conversation and not he

So It was his right to say ‘no’, not mine

I had the right to say the truth

And the truth was that I liked him,

I liked him but couldn’t tell a soul

I didn’t engage with him much because then I would lose focus and control

And I couldn’t see myself give another piece of me when I know how hard it is to retain it

Despite of all the effort

I couldn’t hold it in

The truth was finally out after 5 years of imprisonment

Of course it was met with surprise and a lot of thought

Time was ticking and I was waiting for an answer

This anticipation was more numbing than years of wait

Soon, I got the most warm answer

It reminded me why I liked him in the first place

But It was equally confusing

I couldn’t tell if the boat was sinking or swimming

But I knew I wanted to be on it

Love I knew was about staying,

And not about sinking or swimming

Love I knew was a worthy experience far away from life and death

I practised that

I went with the flow so to speak

I didn’t hold back,

I chose to give and gave

These days

Every now and then I get on the same sink or swim boat

And every time I choose to be on it

But now with questions

How long does the longing last?

Will I ever get to a place where I choose not to be on the boat?

By Riddhi Trivedi