How Do I Tell The Sea, I Was Drowning On Land?

By Mansi Sagar

When people start drowning in the sea they feel suffocating, water filling their lungs, and unbreathable air. People struggle to keep their airway above the water but the sea keep pulling it towards itself, then the people let the force of the sea pull them under. People try their best to get out of that but they lose themselves against the sea. 

But I am drowning on land, no one is there to save me, I have been thrown for drowning by my own people living on the same land. I struggle and struggle daily, tried my best but this land keeps pulling me inside itself. How do I save myself? 

I hope one day this land of mine will absorb all of my pain. It feels like I am drowning each and every day, suffocating so bad, crying for help but the land is absorbing all my screams no one is able to hear it. The people here are stabbing me my heart is in agony. I am damaged from inside so I should let the land keep inserting me into itself. There is a quote which my people say " just because you love the ocean doesn't mean you have to drown into it", but what if you have nobody else? What if you don't want to struggle each time for everything, isn't it too tiring? What about just living but not the "living" because I felt that I am living everyday with days in my life, and not life in my days. I felt alone, felt that time is eating me alive, that I’m lost. It's not dying I fear, but living in the death. I want to die? But I know I am dying, "dying to live". I hope death finds me alive not dead; but I am already dead. How many graves will I need, to bury everything that died inside of me? 

To breathe and yet feel dead is worse than to be dead and feel nothing, so should I keep myself drowning in the land, till I reach the last depth of it?

When the depth protected me, the shallowness submerged me. The land drowned me in, saved me. Saved me from my pain, from people around me.

Where am I?

Where do I belong?

What can I do when the land I live on, is pulling me down?

My dear land, the shallowness inside you didn't grab me, but the sorrows of this world did, your sand and stones didn't fill up my nostrils but the people's hurtful actions and words surely did. Drowning and dying without being heard. 

Oh sea, why am I suffocating in a world filled with air? 

But what if the sea truly doesn't care, it was birthed by the same womb that birthed the land I was drowning in. So how should I tell the sea, I was drowning on land? 

By Mansi Sagar