Her Lovliest Insanity

By Ariba Fatima

th of February, 00:14 AM

“I knew you before you knew yourself,

This is not the true world,

For you must know now,

I speak truth and only

Where I live is where you might find safety. Kindle the fire, quickly now

And jump into it valiantly,

Fear not, for I will be there always

Worry not about anything,

For people will forget

They are liars,

They speak of care and protection,

When they would surely kill,

For I know most,

Now I spill,

The truth I know,

1

I spoke in row,

Now you turn yourself to me,

Thou shall suffer no more,

I can set you free,

And when-”

“You! Listen not! It’s lying!”

I do not, for I do not need to do such a thing, and I warn you, do not interrupt me, mortal.

“He lies! Do not listen!”

She speaks much lies, as I warned of, and I might also say I expected more regard.

“Do you not hear me?!”

2

Bother us not, mortal, for I never hesitate to hurt when I must.

“I speak not to you, démon.”

I do not like the atmosphere here, let’s clear it a bit, shall we?

“You cannot, for I live by the rules

of God, and any hurdle he hears, he

demolishes.”

Well, I thought of that ahead of time, did not I? We speak in the girl’s dream, where your imaginary “God” cannot interfere. How do you like that? You must think I fear you.

“Fear me not, for you don’t need to,

3

but fear Him, for He is the greatest.”

Now, listen here, you little God- obsessed maniac. I think your task here is finished, so how about you leave us in peace? I will see to you shortly after. Out you go.

“Close your ears, you daft!”

She cried.

Of course, mortals, horrifyingly stubborn you all are. OUT!

“I told you, you-”

But her cries silent.

Sure, sweet lady. Now, we were speaking, or at least I was. Never we mind the mild interruptions. Remember what

4

I spoke. Your time limit is 11.02.22, you may think it is forceful, but I know mortals better. You may not like what may happen if you do not listen to me, so the quicker, the better. And kindly, kindle the fire from the next time, I prefer not to have to perform mortal tasks.

But Zahra did not remember anything the next morning. ________________________________________________________________________

10th of February, 10:53 AM

“Zahra.” Zahra opened her eyes to sunshine barging in her room. Her sister stood in the doorway, her face pale. Before she could even lie straight, her sister spoke.

5

“Breakfast.” Her voice was somewhat firmer than usual.

She nodded, unsure if she had the sense to respond this early in the morning.

Oh lord, tell me the universe which doesn’t have me waking up with a headache….

As she creeped out her bed slowly, she noticed ash in the fireplace although she didn’t recall kindling it.

“Did you light the fireplace?” she asked as her sister reached for the doorknob.

“No, why?” her sister responded.

“Just like that.”

But it was enough to catch Nora’s attention. She looked at it and then back at Zahra and then again at the fireplace.

“Did you not?” her voice then was so thin, like a whisper in the wind.

“No.” Zahra answered.

6

“You are sure?”

“Yes,”

Nora finally broke her staring contest with the fireplace and asked Zahra come to the dining table at once. Her one last look at the fireplace seemed to deliver a message, I want your soul.

___________

Pancakes, honey, and blue berries were laid. Was it her last meal or something, because she remembered having asparagus the day before, and the day before that and perhaps also the day before that…

_________________________________________

.

“Come on,” Nora said.

And then another shock came, keeping aside the pancakes. “I wanted to ask you something, Zahra.”

7

Of course, first a heartful meal and then a serious talk.

Zahra looked up at her sister, whose face was once again that ancient, pale colour.

She slowly laid her fork on the table and chewed the rest of the pancake in her mouth, careful to enjoy all the flavours before a shock crosses her path, but still, it was something she would have never expected.

“What?” she said finally.

“Okay so, please don’t be scared, this is going to be a huge shock, so, a few nights before, when we went to sleep, I heard you shouting sometime later. I thought it was someone else, so I ignored it but then again at around 2 perhaps, I hear more screaming so I decided to check up on you once but you weren’t there, so I thought you were in the bathroom and I went looking for you and yes, you were there lying in the bathtub with your hair on your face, and you kept speaking in some kind of language, I think and I

8

got scared but you wouldn’t listen to me and kept saying “11.02.22.” so I didn’t know what to do, and I remember locking the bathroom with you inside from outside when

you looked up at me and started smiling like a creep and I just went back to my bed and started praying and then I woke up the next morning to see you in bed and I don’t know what is happening but it has been happening for a few more days now, do you know anything about this?”

So many things she let out in a breath, like she had been holding it for an eternity. It was Zahra’s turn to speak, or, more specifically, shout.

“Happening for days and you tell me now?! When were you planning to tell this to me?! Or perhaps you wouldn’t have, like you always do.”

“I know! But…”

“But what?!” Zahra could feel all the anger inside her rising. What would have happened if she would have done

9

something to Nora? What has been happening to her? She did not remember anything, no matter how hard she tried.

“Because I thought I was the crazy one imaging things!” she thundered and stormed to her room.

Even better, don’t tell me the littlest shit and then shout at me!

___________

“Nora! Come out, you can’t just sweep everything beneath the rug, okay? Come out!” she shouted from the outside the door of the room Nora had locked herself in. She wasn’t really concerned at first, but isn’t 6 hours a little too much…whatever. She was already heavy with the news of those freak incidents at night. What has been happening to me? The question repeated in her mind.

T.S. (2 hours later)

10

“Nora, come out. I made dinner.” Zahra said as she stirred the broth. It wasn’t looking too good, but Zahra still praised herself. I mean, if you don’t see what’s spilled on the ground, and the burnt inside of the pot, and the waste of the ingredients on the table and floor, then I worked quite neatly.

T.S. (1 ½ hours)

“Nora…”

Zahra spoke quietly on the other side of the door as she slid against it. What was wrong with Nora? Zahra made dinner, laid out the broth, cleaned the ground, took out the garbage, cleaned the burnt pot and whatever else. Wasn’t this enough?

_______________

T.S. (during the night)

11

Nora did not budge on all of Zahra’s pleadings and according to Zahra’s third attitude change from the morning, she should also not care now then.

She slipped out of the house, and took a seat beneath the cloudy sky, on the warm and welcoming earth with its wild flowers and grasses, its mushy soil and shaded, black trees. She trapped those memories of the dark outline of the

trees, and screeching of the birds at a distance and the light breeze that went through her hair and ears. She watched the clouds threatening to rain, but soon clearing up, she watched the stars twinkle and wink at her, she watched the moon disappear and come back in the clouds, and at last, she felt all of them. The breeze whispered its secrets in her ears. The stars narrated their tales, and the moon recalled its memories to her. At last, just before it hit

12

midnight, she took a final look at the soothing aura of the night and felt the soil soften at her feet as she stood up.

_______________

11th of February, 09:16 AM

Enough was enough, how could Nora be so uncaring? The question ran across Zahra’s mind until a plan hit her head.

Late afternoon, Zahra climbed the tree that had grown from a teeny-meeny shoot to a tree that connected to Nora’s room. It had grown several of its branches inside Nora’s room through the window, and that was the only connector Zahra had for the time being. And two things she was good at were climbing trees and using resources. Although out of practise, Zahra somehow managed to climb the tree. Or at least get a head-start. She kept a watch in her pocket as she was curious as to how long it would take her to climb a tree now. As a child, her record was 3 minutes,

13

which she, considering now, very arrogantly showed off to everyone she knew. But, whatever, childhood was childhood, she is an adult now. Now, she has better things to do than show her skills off to her friends, not considering the fact that she has none.

11 minutes was quite the time but who cares. Just a branch more and she would be where she needed to be. From a few metres down from Nora’s window, she suddenly got a whiff of a very strong stench. Like copper and iron. Curious, she climbed the branches left as the stench got stronger every counting second. She gagged internally several times, until finally, she was where she wanted. Still praising herself internally, she reached out a hand and put it on the window sill. But she removed her hand as she still had to get rid of all the thorns and twigs in her head before jumping in. Zahra finally steadied herself and shoved her head inside the opening to see what Nora had been hiding all this time, or...what had hidden Nora. Zahra could not make a description of what she saw then. Filthy clothes scattered everywhere and the costly China vase broken by the nightstand. The lights flickered and the smell hit again. The scent she had

14

smelled was of blood, painted on the walls. Spatters and splashes everywhere. A number of blood-dipped hands stained the east wall. Lost in thought, she behindhand remembered Nora. Where was Nora?

“Nora!” Zahra cried. Where? Where? Where?

Zahra put her hand on the sill again and one hand on the summit of the window. Climbing in, she saw the bed dyed in red. As she scampered to the bed, she saw a note resting on the blanket. She seized it and read:

Did I not say the quicker, the better? I gave the date as well.

Who could have written this? What did this even…

What did Nora say at the dining table about the freak incident? 11.02.22 I spoke. And today is 11th.

“My dream…” Zahra said, just as she started to remember everything. The poem, the Demon, the frantic lady, and the

15

deadline, the date, and the fire. Everything unravelled just as if she had the dream today.

The Demon had left the note.

Zahra lifted the blanket to see what she feared the most of all. She would never be able to comprehend what she saw. Nora, still in her nightgown, liquidated in her bed. The bed smelt even worse. Her hair was full of knots, her lips bleeding. Zahra pulled down the blanket to see three stabs of dagger to her stomach, still bleeding. Her hands twisted at an uncomfortable angle and her legs skinned. Her eyes stayed open, and her skin remained the same, tensed to death. All of this, my fault.

She couldn’t be dead, she couldn’t be dead, she couldn’t be dead.

For then, Zahra felt as if she should die as well. She deserved to die. In the most terrifying ways and the most painful death. Why could I have not remembered this a few days ago?

“Why?! Why?” she cried as she dropped to the ground. What have I done? Maybe I deserved this.

16

She thought of everything wrong she had done ever since she birthed. She should have been in the place of Nora. Nora, who was never relaxed. Nora, who always cared. Sweet Nora, who always forgave.

Zahra dragged herself to the bed and she sat beside the lovely corpse of her even lovelier sister. She thought of all the times she wished Nora to die. Be happy you idiot, you always wanted this like you said. Be happy, you have it.

The smell did not matter not, neither did the sight. Or anything. Everything was waste, stupid, useless.

She did not matter either. Her life was full of the mistakes she had made. What wrongs she had done.

No matter how hard Zahra tried, she couldn’t stable herself. She tried to clean the mess, but she thought, would that change anything? Will Nora come back? and so, she laid there for another hour, until she felt hungry, but she thought, Nora didn’t eat as well, I should go prepare food for her until she remembered

17

what had happened, and so she laid there for another hour or two, crying. This or that, and she stayed there the entire night.

_______________

T.S. (2 days)

It was so lovely, sitting with her sister on the bed, eyes closed, listening to the birds chirping. It was peaceful. She stayed there all the time, and then at any given time, she would prepare dinner. She boiled the water and poured it in the bowls without potholders. But she felt nothing, so it didn’t matter. And then she took the scorching hot bowls to Nora’s room and put it on her table. She gulped the water. But she felt nothing, so it didn’t matter. Then she asked Nora if she liked dinner and took the bowl to the kitchen. It was always empty, but she didn’t care if the water had evaporated. They lived like this always, happily, if not sane. And every day, it was this one thought that made her happy:

18

I had cursed myself, and now if I have to, I would wait forever for death to claim me.

By Ariba Fatima

19