Hell Feels Like So

By Sunandana Choudhury

Oh the sheer longing to just be by your side 

The rough calloused hands, ever so soft that you always mean to hide.

Is it the softness that stings you, reminding that yet still a child lives underneath

Or is it the sharpness of your fingers that chides you into believing that they can only be bound by a poison wreath.

For if you give me a chance, I will take those hands in mine,

Engulf those demons that you pine pitifully to hide.

Why is it this effortless for me to want you so,

But the most effort you have given is in breaking down those  walls of wants in one striking blow.

I despise your mighty displays of affection,

Probably because it is the nearest I have felt to absolute perfection.

I loath your lively eyes that seem to paint,

A canvas on my repulsive self that was nothing but shame and taint.

Delving this deep into an emotional dearth that’s not mine,

Takes a toll on me. I will not lie.

But how tragic is it to admit to all.

That I have surrendered mind, body and soul to an Angel’s fall.

I say Hell feel’s like so,

When away you walk in the rain and I face the back of a person

I thought I was supposed to know.

By Sunandana Choudhury