Happens All The Time

By Chiara Mores

I’m sitting in a brown leather chair that’s too low to the ground, across from you 

My head is pounding between the the sounds of the blender and a dozen coffee machines 

The song is blaring out of the speakers 

The warmth of the ceramic against my skin calms this feeling in my heart 

I notice you’re laughing 

I can barely make out what you’re saying 

I’m not even trying to lip read 

“...and then, she threw up all of my dorm, and it was like…”

Dorm

He would have loved the dorms at my university. 

Maybe we would have sat in his dorm together, bellies hurting from something I said

On his bed

We would have been on his bed

But just laughing 

Maybe we would have been doing our secret handshake that we make up in elementary school  

Maybe we would have been eating the chocolate that he loved 

The mini chocolate eggs 

Or there’s a Chipotle near the dorms

Maybe we would have been eating Chipotle 

And I would feel my whole face get hot as I frankly looked for milk 

And he would fall off the bed laughing at me 

He would fill me in on what I’ve missed 

His other friends 

And I would lift the left side of my top lip up at him and scrunch up my face 

Jealous of how easily he makes friends 

Jealous of how easy he is to like 

And he would confirm all the juicy gossip to me 

But only through double blinks 

So he really never told me at all 

He would ask about what he’s missed 

And suddenly my food would become the most interesting thing in the world 

Requiring my full attention

And he would seamlessly change the conversation 

Without missing a beat

Without pushing me to talk

Our conversation would naturally simmer down 

And we would just look at each other 

Smiling 

Barely blinking 

And he would whisper 

“I love you”

And I would whisper it back 

And hide my face in my hands 

Hiding the smile that refuses to leave 

But that would never happen because you’re never coming back 

So I’m back in the cafe 

Sitting across from you

Exactly the same as five seconds ago 

But entirely different 

But I can’t tell you

You wouldn’t get it

You didn’t know him 

It’s been five years since he left

You would tell me to get over it

To move on 

So instead 

I sit across from you

Exactly the same 

But entirely different 

Pretending I didn’t just live a lifetime of memories 

Even though I was here the whole time  

 By Chiara Mores