Glimpse Of Your Past Self.

By Neeharika

• after joji.

Cause sometimes I look in her eyes and that's where I find a glimpse of us / 7 times a day I look in the mirror / only twice do I have the guts to meet my eyes / because when I do, all I see is a shell of the person I used to be / I trace back to a version of me that I can hardly relate to anymore / but I'm thinking of the way it was / I reminisce about the life I had and I can't help but question if any aspect of it was ever real / the only evidence I have of it is in my subconscious mind / Is this a part of your story, one that I had never lived? / because to my ears it's just something out of a tale / it's like a majestic show I was never invited to but they told me I was the star performer / said I'm fine and said I moved on / I wake up and repeat these words, "I'm fine" like a morning prayer / the truth is, I'm merely existing / perfect don't mean that it's working / everyone around me thinks I've got it all figured out but they couldn't be more wrong / I've become detached and indifferent to everything that would once take away my breath / and I don't know what's worse - me lying through my teeth or having to digest the fact that

no one cares enough to know I'm lying in the first place / I can' blame them though, for sometimes even I start to believe my own lies / why then, if she's so perfect do I still wish that it was you? / I could trade all of my tomorrows in a flash if it meant I could have one yesterday / I'd print that moment and paste it on the sky - as sort of a memento / but the stars in my sky died ages ago and I'm afraid they will take away my only reminder with them as they slowly evolve into black dwarfs and become invisible / maybe you'll start slipping slowly and find me again / it's reckless to wish that I could go back to what I once called hell but this is unlike the heaven I envisioned / I don't want to be a walking corpse / I want to be alive / I want to hear my bones crack and taste the salt of my tears / I want to feel something even if it's only pain / I want to be anyone but what I have become.

• MJ.

By Neeharika