Forlorn

By Pooranie B

you are only dead when you are forgotten

You might wish you want to disappear,

But all you really want, is to be found.

…….

It wasn’t a sunny day.

Not by a lot.

The winds blew harsh, and not even the tall, stone walls of the Manor could hide the dark clouds looming in the sky, waiting, screaming to let the rain down, washing away all that the world needed to hide. All the pain, all the sadness, all the hurt.

But it stood. It stood scarily still, as if the world was on pause, and once someone hits the button, the sky would shatter into pieces. The pieces would fall, stabbing through each one’s heart, ripping their soul out. The pain would overflow and spill, like a dam once broken.

The streets would run with blood, red, dark, corrupted. Screams would do nothing but echo through the wind, lost, forgotten. Desperate wishes would ring silent, and the monster created by this war will thrive. And from the chaos, he would rise; like a phoenix out of ashes, an angel with no wings, he–

“–ira? Akira?” 

The ravenette snaps his head to look at the woman who’d called his name. “Yes, mother?” he answers, voice nothing more than a hoarse whisper. “Were you listening to the conversation?” his mother asks, amused by the situation.

“Of course.” Akira replies with a tight smile, his once dazed eyes now focused on her. Laughter bellows from a boy sitting next to him. “Lies, mother. Just look at him, plotting conspiracy theories again.” his brother spoke, a cheeky smile lingering on his face.

“Shut it.” Akira whispered to his brother, kicking him under the table for good measure. “This isn’t the first time he’s zoned out at dinner, is it, love?” his father spoke, eyes smiling as he jested. His mother nudged his father softly.

Kaito’s eyes twinkled with mischief.

“We were talking about how dad’s gonna give me the company.” Kaito supplied, to which Akira replied with an ‘Oh.’ His father burst out in laughter as he heard his son’s confused reply. “I told you he wasn’t listening!” Kaito said, grinning.

“Kai! Stop teasing your brother, oh lord.” their mother said, although the smile on her face betrayed her actions. “What was it this time, son? Did the Azrael's rule the world? Or did the volcano in Japan blast? Or did the sky fall down?” his father asked, chuckling.

“Neither.” Akira replied, scoffing at his family. He was absolutely not going to admit that he was thinking about the sky falling down. “Quiet down, Caelan.” his mother reprimanded his father. “The boy has a creative mind; do not jest him for that.” she said, making the old man sulk.

A slight breeze blew past them.

“I said nothing!” his father denied, making the sons giggle. “We were talking about your first day at school, child. None of this hogwash these two are spewing.” his mother said, rolling her eyes at his father. “What? Miriam!” his father hissed at his mother, who was ignoring him.

“Ah, first day.” Akira muttered under his breath, making Kaito grin even wider. “Aki.” he whispered to the ravenette. Akira turns to look at his brother. “You forgot, didn’t you?” Kaito asked, making Akira kick his brother again. “Oww.” Kaito hissed in pain, making their parents stop their squabble. 

“Akira Azrael! Stop harassing your brother.” his mother said, making Kaito snort in laughter, but after seeing Akira’s glare, he tried to cover it off as an exclamation of pain. Akira opens his mouth to protest against the injustice, but promptly shuts it when he sees the clock behind his mother. Eight in the morning, about ten minutes before the bus stops in front of their manor.

Caelan follows his son’s line of sight, eyes bulging out of his sockets in shock. “You’re going to miss the bus, son. Run along!” And that was enough of an invitation for Akira to start running up the stairs in a hurry.

He exchanged his slippers for running shoes, shoving his charger and a few pens into his bag before barreling down the stairs at record speed. Record speed being– 7 minutes. “Bye mother! Bye father!” he shouted, as he passed the dining hall.

“All the best!” That was his father.

“Have a good first day!” That was his mother.

“I hope you trip and fall!” And in case you haven’t guessed, that was his brother.

…….

‘Have a good first day’, my foot.

Akira slammed into the bus right before it left, heaving hard as he scanned his bus card. He plopped into a seat on the bus, not in the back, not in the front, but somewhere in between. Akira couldn’t understand the concept of celebrating the ‘first day’ back in school.

Nothing would have changed– the bells would still ring, lunch would still be served, sports would still be played, and studies would still go on, just with a few new chapters. Everything would be the same.

Even his place on the bus was the same, the ravenette noted, sighing. As the bus began moving, he started rummaging through his bag to find his headphones– the only way to shoo away boredom during a forty five-minute journey to school.

As he found the headphones lying in the complete bottom of his bag (god knows how it got there in the first place), a stray pen he’d shoved inside his bag in a hurry dropped onto the floor of the bus, rolling away from him. 

“Damn it.” 

The ravenette sighed at his own misfortune, hanging his headphones around his neck and zipping up his backpack. Shoving the backpack onto the seat next to him, he tried to reach for his pen. Although Akira thought his arms were quite long for a seventeen-year-old, he couldn’t reach the pen.

As the bus lurched backward, the pen rolled under a seat two rows away. A seat, occupied by a girl. Akira once again cursed himself for being so clumsy, before reaching for the seat once again, failing.

“Um, excuse me.” Akira whispered to the girl, although it seemed as if the girl didn’t hear him at all. “Hello? I’m sorry, but I dropped my pen and–” he cut himself off when he noticed she wasn’t listening to him. Was she ignoring him? Akira scoffed; rude, he thought.

“Hey.” the boy hissed, this time a little louder. “Excuse me–” And just as he was about to raise his voice even louder, the girl turned toward the window, tucking her light brown hair behind her ears.

And that was when Akira noticed that she was wearing ear pods.

Heat rushed up his face as Akira turned red in embarrassment. ‘Genius.’ he thought. ‘You thought she was ignoring you. Ego much?’ Akira scoffed at himself in his head. The boy contemplated just reaching out to her once again, but embarrassed by his previous actions, he turned away.

Akira shoved his headphones onto his ears, playing a song on his phone at high-volume. ‘It’s just a pen.’ he thought. He decided that he’ll get it back when the girl gets down. This wasn’t a school bus, it was a public one, she’ll get down at her stop.

Akira sighed, leaning back into his seat and shutting his eyes.

Unlike what Akira thought, the girl didn’t get down at all. He opened his eyes a few times to see if she got down, but she still sat there, eyes focused on the scenery and hair falling onto her face. Akira frowned, shifting his own sight to the landscape outside. 

He didn’t mean to fall asleep.

But the seat was too comfortable, the song just too beautiful, the world just too silent, as Akira let the wind lull him to sleep, slowly, softly. The spring breeze blew through his hair, patting him into a deep sleep, one which none would wish to wake up from.

The next time Akira opened his eyes, the girl was gone.

The bus stopped at his school with a jerk, waking him up not so gently. His school was the bus’ last stop, being far away from human civilization, just as the teachers here preferred. Akira pulled his headphones off, eyes immediately averting to where the girl was sitting.

She was gone, leaving no trace of her presence. 

It looked empty, the seat, he thought, without her hair that carried the wind, and eyes that swallowed the outside world. Shaking his head at his thoughts, he stood up, scouring the floor for his precious pen, the one that caused this mess.

He found it easily, fallen right below the ridge of the window. He bent down to pick up the pen, standing up with the help of the seat. Akira frowned; the seat was cold. The seat where the girl sat was devoid of warmth, and Akira concluded that her stop came far early.

Akira rolled his eyes at his own thoughts. ‘You can become a detective at this rate.’ he jested himself, chuckling. Maybe he might consider it, becoming a detective, should his father’s company (which he was to take over), ever ran itself into the ground.

For now, he better get to Business Administration class fast.

Before he scores detention on the first day.

We don’t want a repeat of last year, after all.

…….

The second time Akira met the girl was about three days into the semester, given that he'd missed the bus continually for the past two days, opting for his bike. He had run onto the bus with barely a few seconds left, god forbid he misses the bus again.

Akira, with a brain that still hadn’t started functioning (he’d woken up late that day), forgot to scan his bus card, earning him a few shouts from the conductor. His unkempt hair, with his messy appearance and forgetful actions, had elicited a few laughs from the passengers.

Utterly embarrassed, the boy walked over to an empty seat, and since all the world’s luck belonged to him (it did not), the bus suddenly came to a halt, throwing him backward harshly, like someone had socked him in the face.

The halt had Akira reeling back fast, as he almost slammed into a seat. What seat, you ask? The same seat his pen had rolled under, the same seat which was empty the last time, the same seat which was occupied by the same girl, pretty brown hair now in a ponytail.

Only difference– she was looking at him.

Oh, she was looking at him.

She was looking at him? 

Realization slammed into him, hard. Almost as hard as the bus did, Akira noted. His cheeks flushed pink as he met her bold green eyes, almost as enticing as the forest outside. The girl seemed confused as she stared back, shaking her head and turning away.

Akira noticed too late that he had been standing there for too long, and turned away, occupying a seat two rows behind– his seat, if the small carving in the metal saying ‘Akii’ had anything to say about it. (don’t blame him, he was in 5th grade and carving names was all the trend).

The ravenette sat down, shoving his bag onto the seat, just as he had a few days ago. He pulled out his headphones, shoving it onto his ears. Everything was the same– except, there was no pen rolling around, there was no embarrassment, and most importantly, Akira, who shut his eyes last time, now couldn’t take it off the girl.

‘She’ll love you, if you love her…’ And if the whole scene couldn’t be more cliche, Akira’s headphones were now playing background music, as if it was a romance drama and he was the second male lead. Why the second male lead, you ask? Because the second male lead never gets the girl, of course, and from there, the girl seemed impossible to reach.

‘Damn it.’ Akira cursed in his head, for the umpteenth time since the morning, slamming the skip button so he could listen to some noise music, rather than letting the ballad feed to his delusions. Funny thing, Akira noted, was that the girl never once turned away from the window. Even when the bus lurched, even when people got on, she never turned. Never.

Soon enough, they had reached Akira’s school.

And the girl hadn’t gotten down.

Akira frowned, eyes slightly red, the boy having deprived them of closing for a while. He had been staring at the brunette since then–‘Like a creep’, his mind pitched in– to see where she would get off. He wasn’t being weird, no. He was just curious. At least, that’s what he told himself. 

As the other students got down from the bus, Akira watched as the girl stood up too, swinging her bag over her shoulders and getting off. And all his dreams of becoming a detective vanished, seeing as his deductions, (which he thought were awesome back then), were completely off point.

Akira stood up in a flash, running behind the girl. ‘If not anything, I shall learn her name today.’ he decided. The girl had made him curious, more than he had ever been. And if she calls him a creep and runs away, he wouldn’t take it to heart. Not when he knew he deserved it. 

As Akira bounced down the last stair of the bus, he noticed that the girl was almost inside the gate. ‘She’s fast.’ he noted, watching as her brown hair threatened to fall out of her ponytail as she walked, or to say, almost ran. Akira tried to follow, but with all the people and the vehicles that crowded the gate, he lost sight of her.

She was gone, for the second time.

Lost in the wind.

Like a dream meant to be forgotten.

…….

The winds blew harsh that day.

The ambiguous warmth Akira barely got used to, was gone, the winter chill starting to set in. It wasn’t snowing yet; the weather wasn’t that far gone. The late rising of the sun and the numbing coldness had given way to thick coats and scarfs, his own being wrapped around his neck. Green, just like her eyes.

Akira had seen her on the bus every day, always in the same seat, always in the same position. Although he hadn’t gotten the opportunity to look her in the eye again, he’d been staring. He watched as a sudden wind rammed into the bus, sending a shiver down everyone’s body.

Everyone’s, except hers.

The brunette stared out of the window, eerily still, not flinching a little as the wind hit her, eyes slightly closing and the tips of her mouth curving in a soft smile, enjoying and relishing in the feeling the wind brought. The peaceful expression was gone the next second, face stoic and eyes cold.

Akira smiled at the girl.

The brakes of the bus, worn as they were, screeched in use, as the doors slammed open, snapping Akira out of his trance. A man, with a thick brown overcoat got on the bus, scanning his bus card. He had a funny-looking beard– one that was graying at the roots and haphazardly dyed brown at the ends. 

The tall man walked over near the seats, surveying the area for any empty ones. His eyes zeroed in on one seat he found good, walking over to it. It was all good, Akira thought, until he noticed that the seat the man was walking toward was her seat. 

As the man approached, Akira held a hand out, signaling the man to stop. The man gave him a confused look, to which Akira cleared his throat. “Excuse me, this seat is already occupied.” he spoke, congratulating himself in his head as he got the words out properly. “Sorry?” he asked, looking confused.

Akira was getting annoyed. 

Did the man not see the girl sitting there? Was he blind, by any chance? Akira almost scoffed, turning back to look at the seat, only to find it empty. “Huh?” Akira blurted as his eyes searched for the occupant, the one he’d been observing for the past few days. He then found her standing at the doors of the bus, waiting to get down.

Oh, now he felt dumb.

A sudden huff next to him made him remember the man he was blocking, from a perfectly empty seat. “N-never mind.” he muttered, moving back to take his own place. The man gave him a weird look, as if to say, ‘Are you mentally alright?’, before taking his place on the seat.

Akira heard the doors open once again, his eyes naturally snapping toward it just in time to see the girl getting down. As if she felt his stare, the brunette turned toward him, the forest green meeting stormy gray. There was that uncertainty and doubt in her eyes as she stared at him, before turning away and getting down.

She was gone.

And yet again, she had left him speechless. 

Akira sat in a stupor till he reached his school, the passenger in front of him needing to shove the boy to ask if he was alright. The boy ran to his classes, late as he was, he found a pretty good seat in the front of the class.

“Professor Troy is sick.” 

His friend, Nolan informed him. Apparently, their Business Administration teacher, Raden Troy, ate his bread with 6-month-old expired peanut butter, leading him to severe food poisoning and much needed bed-rest. If Akira burst out in laughter at the fact, no one would tell.

“Ms. Viri is taking the class for now, and we all know how she’s always late.” Kenzi, his other friend added, a smirk on his face. “You’re saved for now, Akii. At least you won’t miss any more classes because Troy made you stand out for being late.” Kenzi said, making Nolan wheeze his heart out in laughter.

“I’m trying to be on time.” Akira huffed, rolling his eyes. “That’s why father made me take the bus.” he muttered again, making Nolan smile. “It’s funny how you’re the one everyone expects to show up with a new sports car every day, and here you are; Taking the bus.” Kenzi says, smiling.

“No, Kenzi. That’s what everyone expects you to do. And you do that perfectly fine.” Nolan says, making Akira laugh. “That, I agree with.” he says. Akira looks at his watch, seeing as the clock hit 10.30, about half an hour after the class was supposed to start.

“She still isn’t here?” Akira lets out, surprised. “You know what they say, Akii.” Nolan started, earning him confused looks from the other two. “The only person who beats you in being late is Ms. Viri.” Laughter followed, from Nolan, Kenzi, and a few classmates who overheard their conversation.

“I’m not that bad, am I?” Akira whispers to Nolan, who nods seriously. “You are.” he whispers back. “So, anyway.” Kenzi interrupts, a wide smile on his face. “What were you chasing after yesterday, Akii?” he asks excitedly. 

“Yesterday?”

“Chasing after?”

The two responses varied in context, the former being Nolan’s and the latter being Akira’s. “Yeah, yesterday.” Kenzi confirmed, making Nolan and Akira look at him in confusion once again. “What? You don’t remember?” Kenzi asks, scoffing as Akira shook his head.

“You know, yesterday? You slammed into like- fifteen thousand people, pushed them out of the way and ran so fast, and then you bumped into Nol and then you just stopped? You were in a complete daze, Akii.” Kenzi spoke, his excitement dimming to slight concern.

“Stop exaggerating.” Nolan scoffed.

Akira furrowed his eyebrows, searching his memory for the said incident. He hadn’t remembered running for anything except– oh. Oh, that was it. Yesterday, it had been Akira’s twelfth attempt to chase her before she disappeared. The girl, who he was now completely enamored with, seemed to just vanish behind any nook, any corner his eyes didn’t follow.

“Oh.” Akira let out in realization. “Oh, indeed.” Nolan spoke, recalling the incident, and adding a few details on how he thought his shoulder was broken from how badly had Akira slammed into him, and that the ravenette should pay his hospital bills.

“If I didn’t know better, I thought it was a girl.” Kenzi said, chortling. Nolan jabbed him in the side with his elbow. “That’s something you would do, Kenzi. Poor Akii here, stays away from the other gender as if they were viruses.” Nolan lets out, the duo not noticing the bright blush on the said boy’s face.

Once they finished bickering over who was right, the two turned to Akira for his last judgment, as if this was court and he was the judge. And he was the judge indeed, with his cheeks pinker than they had ever been. Nolan gasped loudly as Kenzi blew up with an ‘I knew it!’.

“Seriously? Akii!” Nolan whined at being left out of the obvious fact that their oblivious-to-love friend finally had a crush. “I don’t l-like her!” Akira claimed, stuttering in embarrassment. “I just find her interesting.” he muttered. “That’s like- the start of every romance novel!” Kenzi exclaimed, grinning.

“Who is it?” Kenzi asked, the excitement that had once disappeared, shining in his eyes like small blue diamonds. “Well, a girl on the bus.” Akira admits, smiling a little. “Yeah, that was pretty obvious. You’re usually late for class, and the rest of the day, you’re with us, so obviously you met on the bus.” Nolan summarized.

Akira blinked in surprise.

Maybe Nolan should be a detective.

“What’s her name?” Nolan asks, slamming a palm on Kenzi’s mouth, who was probably going to ask something over-the-top. The smile on Akira’s face faded. “I- um…” The ravenette’s silence and hesitance told the two friends everything they needed to hear.

“You don’t even know her name?” Kenzi screeched, standing up, bringing all the attention in the room onto them. “Ken, shut up!” Nolan hissed, pulling his friend down. Kenzi plopped into his seat, seeing the sadness in Akira’s eyes.

Kenzi’s eyes softened. 

“Aw, Akii. Don’t be sad. You can always just ask her out!” Kenzi says, shocking Nolan. “Ken, this is the first time you said something useful in your whole life!” Nolan exclaimed in faux happiness. “Oh shut up, Nolan.” Kenzi snapped back. “But seriously, do it. Just approach her and ask for her name and if she would like to get a cup of coffee.” Nolan spoke, making Akira nod as he took notes in his head.

“It’ll be so easy!” 

Kenzi screeched at the top of his lungs, grabbing the attention of the whole class once again, this time with another pair of eyes. Ms. Viri stared at him over her thin glasses, a glare in her eyes. Kenzi gulped in fear.

“I sure hope that was about yesterday’s homework, Mr. Kenzi Han.”

“...There was homework?”

…….

Akira was crazy nervous.

Today was the day.

Today was the day he would go up to her, and start a conversation, just like he planned with his friends a few days ago. Although, to Akira, the whole scheme seemed so much easier in his head, or when he planned it out with his friends. Now, he was visibly shaking, and there were two people who approached him, asking if he was cold. 

It was a Saturday, the winds blowing colder than ever. Most people stayed at home, buried in their blankets and watching a movie, but here Akira was, freezing his life away on a bus to school, only because he had missed one class, and instead of detention, the teacher decided to give him an extra class.

God knows, he needed that class.

See, this was the disadvantage of having the same teacher for two years in a row; they know you and your behavior, and damn if they let you get away with it. Ms. May Juneth was one of them, and however cheerful or however contradictory her name was (Her name was May-June for god’s sake,) she was the strictest teacher Akira had met in his whole life.

So here he was, on a Saturday, a small pink rose and meticulously planned confession. He chose this day on purpose; There would be less people to witness his rejection. (The most probable outcome.) One thing he forgot to consider: She might not be there too. 

But for once, the universe was on his side.

Or not. It came down to how the said plan went.

She sat exactly where she always did, eyes outside, earphones in her ears. Her chestnut-tinted hair blew in the cold breeze, just like it always did. And when Akira walked by her, she did not glance at him once. It was just like any other day, but Akira was determined to change that.

The last two people, except him, the girl, and an middle-aged lady fast asleep in the back of the bus, got down at the next stop, and Akira was ready to put his plan into action. He stood up as if someone had shocked him, hid the rose in his hand behind his back, and approached her seat.

“Excuse me.” he called.

His voice was soft, as if he was scared to break her trance. ‘It’s now or never’ Akira thought, shaking his head. Akira reached his hand out, tapping the girl’s shoulder lightly. His black hair flew across his face, the wind slamming into him.

And her hair blew the same way, the long ends of it barely touching his torso. She was looking at him, eyes brimming with pure confusion. Akira tilted his head lightly, smiling. The girl removed her earphones, shoving them into her pockets in a hurry.

“Hi.” Akira breathed.

His heart was thrumming against his ribs, so fast, so hard, that he thought it might just beat out his chest. The girl stared at him in confusion. “M-me?” she stuttered out, voice clearly shocked. And boy, her voice might have been the most beautiful thing Akira had ever heard. 

“Yes, you.” Akira said, a light smile in his speech. The girl was rendered speechless. Her jaw dropped open, and then she shut it. And then, she opened it as if to say something, but then shut it again. Her eyebrows furrowed, and there was a guarded glint in her eyes.

“How are you doing this?” she asks.

“How am I doing what?” he asks back.

“This– talking to me.”

“How am I making conversation with you?” 

“Yeah, exactly!”

Akira decided that he had just made the biggest mistake in his life. He should’ve stuck to his boring bus ride, his over-listened-to music and he sure as hell shouldn't have listened to his annoying friends. (The next time he sees Kenzi, Akira will make sure to give him a very big, fat punch.)

“I’m sorry. I can go if you want.” Akira rambled, waving his hands around nervously. If his brother, Kaito was nearby, he would have asked Akira if he was trying to swat away mosquitos. “I’m really sorry for disturbing you.” he muttered, turning to walk away. 

“No!” shouted a voice, the same one Akira had heard once before, and decided it was his favorite sound in the world. The ravenette froze in his tracks, turning back to the girl. “Sorry. I was just surprised. You don’t have to go.” she spoke, red filling her cheeks.

Akira didn’t know what to say, so he settled with the best response he could come up with, which was, “Oh.” The girl stood nervously, fiddling with her fingers. “Um then, M-may I–” Akira gestured to the seat, asking her permission to sit there.

“Y-yeah, of course!” she let out, sitting down and moving to the corner so Akira could sit down. (And maybe, Akira would give Kenzi a hug, rather than a punch.) The ravenette settled down next to her, and the awkward silence continued again. Akira shuffled around, before turning to face her.

“Hey, it’s nice to meet you. My name’s Akira.” 

The boy spoke, voice shaking ever so lightly. The girl smiled softly. “Illiana Van.” she returned, making the boy smile. “So, have you got a last name?” she asks teasingly, to which Akira chuckles, replying “Not anything of notice.” The girl- Illiana laughs out loud.

“People who say that never mean it.” she says, looking at him in amusement. “How about you stick around to find out?” Akira says, grinning. Maybe it was her easy-going nature, or maybe it was the wind whispering in his ears, but Akira wasn’t nervous anymore.

“Sure, why not?” Illiana says, followed by a laugh. “So, what makes you take this bus, Akira I-don’t-know-your-last-name-yet?” she says, almost giggling. “Take your guess.” Akira says, gesturing to his school uniform, the same one she dons.

“On a Saturday?” Illiana asks. “Extra classes.” Akira says, shrugging. “And I was under the impression you were a straight-A student.” she says. “I never said I’m not.” Akira rebuts. The duo break out into a smile. The silence which follows, is a comfortable one.

“Before I forget.” Akira pauses, pulling out the rose, which he painstakingly hid behind himself all this time. Illiana looked shocked and tried to say something, but Akira interrupted her. “I couldn’t really find one to match your eyes, so pink will have to do.” he says, nervously scratching the back of his head. 

Akira could’ve sworn he saw tears in her eyes.

The ravenette racked his brain to find a way to mend this situation, although the luck that seemed to push him forward decided to leave him blank, the sudden stop leaving him crashing into the wall Illiana had seemed to build, and he sure as hell couldn’t think of anything. 

Illiana wasn’t even reaching out to accept the rose, Akira noted. It slammed into him like a rock, the fact that she probably hadn’t even noticed him before he walked up to her. Akira opened his mouth to apologize and let out a string of excuses about how he really didn’t mean to make it awkward and a whole lot more, but he was interrupted.

“I’m so sorry.” Illiana gushed, eyes furrowed in silent apology. “I’m actually… allergic to flowers, pollen.” she let out with a sigh. Oh. Akira blinked down at her like a fish out of water. Now why didn’t he consider that probability? 

“Oh shit! I’m so sorry!” Akira said, panic-stricken. He tried to hide the rose behind his back again. “No, don’t be! It’s not like you could have known.” Illiana says, trying to fix the situation. Akira stared into her eyes. “It was sweet of you, though.” she says again, a slight blush on her cheeks.

“R-right.” Akira stuttered.

He glanced at the rose in his hand, which was the same color on her cheeks. ‘Adorable.’ he thought, before snapping his eyes over to the view behind Illiana’s shoulder. The lush green trees seemed to be as vibrant as her eyes, and the small pink rose he’d brought seemed to do no one justice.

“Excuse me for a second.” Akira spoke, leaning toward Illiana. The girl leaned back in surprise, but Akira was gone as fast as he came. Only this time, the rose in his hand was missing. The ravenette had seized the chance to fling the rose as far as he could, outside the window.

Illiana was shocked. 

“You threw away the rose!” she accused, to which Akira smiled. “You would’ve had an allergic reaction.” he replied. The brunette was taken aback, but she quickly regained her composure. “You could’ve given it to someone else! Why would you throw it away like that?” she argued.

“And who would I give it to? My friends? They would rather I let them copy my homework than give them a rose.” Akira spoke, tone light. Illiana’s shocked face faded into a small smile. “Fine.” she accepted her defeat.

“And, maybe the rose would get buried and grow into a bush.” Akira said, making Illiana scoff. “Nonsense. You can’t grow roses like that.” Illiana argues. “Sure you can.” Akira said, grinning. “All you need is some water and sunlight, and it rains plenty here anyway.”

“Really?”

“Of course.”

Illiana stared at him wearily. “You’re just trying to gaslight me, aren’t you?” she asks. “Maybe.” Akira hums, earning him a shove on his shoulder. The next time Akira got shoved, it wasn’t because of Illiana, but the bus, which came to a screeching halt. 

It was only then he noticed that the bus had reached the school. It was a 45 minute long ride, and even if he had approached her half-way through, shouldn’t it still take quite a while? Akira was disappointed, a lot, and maybe it showed on his face.

Illiana got down from the bus with him.

“So, this is it.” she said, making Akira nod. “Yeah, it is.” he said, a frown on his face. Illiana smiled, hesitating before asking, “We’ll talk tomorrow?” she asks, to which Akira lets out a small smile. 

“Tomorrow is a Sunday.” Akira said, chuckling. “You know what I mean.” Illiana huffs, a small smile slipping through. “I do.” Akira spoke, making her grin. “See you later?” he asked, and “See you later.” she confirmed. Akira watched her walk into the school with a smile. 

His eyes then turned toward the way they came.

And maybe, if a rose bush suddenly grows there, no one would know.

Except him. (And the gardener.)

…….

Akira was late once again.

After weeks of getting ready on time, (he would, in no way, admit that it was due to a certain friend of his) his record was broken, and this time, it wasn’t his fault. It was just a harmless prank his brother had pulled, trying to set his alarm clock a few hours earlier than it was supposed to be.

Although what Kaito didn’t know, was that he’d changed the timing completely from Ante-Meridian to Post-Meridian, which simply means, when his alarm clock rings at 5.30 in the evening and disturbs their mom’s favorite TV series, he sure as hell wasn’t the one at fault.

Akira grins at the thought.

The sun shone brightly that day, a bit too brightly for what was supposed to be winter. The chill breeze blew past him as Akira walked into the courtyard of his school, the jacket he was supposed to be wearing, tied on his waist. 

He had gotten kicked out of class for being late again, and instead of spending it in the library like he always does, Akira decided to enjoy the sun. He settled down under a tree, making sure the sunlight didn't hit him right in the face, before shutting his eyes for a small nap.

He thought about the past few weeks– waking up on time, talking to Illiana every day, trying to gaslight her into thinking about the rosebush, and the laughs they shared. His lips cracked into a small smile as Akira flipped through his memories, recalling each sound, each sight, each detail he could remember.

He’d learnt a lot about the girl whose name he didn’t know once; Like the fact that Illiana despised Blueberries with passion. Apparently, she’d grown up around too many of them and now she was just downright sick of the fruit, and Akira made sure to never eat blueberries in the morning ever again.

She also loved drawing, her major was Architecture, which Akira had pretty much figured it out himself from the sheet holder she always carried around. The two also bonded over their shared love of mathematics, something no one in his family could relate to. 

And there were things he noticed– like how Illiana hated tying her hair up, and how she picked at her nails when she was nervous, and how she’d look him right in the eye when she truly meant something. He also loved hearing her breath hitch whenever he approached her.

Just like it did right now.

Akira’s eyes snapped open, the sunlight searing through his eyes harshly. As his eyes struggled to focus, he could barely make out the silhouette of a woman standing in front of him. Curse his luck. The first thing he registered was her light brown hair, tied up into a loose bun, before his eyes met hers.

Brilliant green eyes, somehow burningly beautiful as the sun's rays hit her eyes perfectly, twinkling like little emeralds. “Hi.” Akira whispered, voice not daring to break the silence that surrounded them. 

Illiana stood in front of him, uniform uncreased, eyes bright, and cheeks pink. Her eyes, although beautiful, were widened in shock, cheeks turning pinker by the second. “Wow.” Illiana breathed, staring into Akira’s eyes while the ravenette looked back in confusion. “What?” He asked, grinning slightly.

“Y-your eyes.” she whispered nervously. Akira’s eyes widened, hoping to god she didn’t know what he was thinking. “They’re so light.” Illiana continues, making Akira’s face tint red. Akira knew his eye color was rare– Pastel gray, lighter than it usually is in people. Although it wasn’t that special, people always compliment him on how beautiful his eyes were.

“Ah, yeah they are.” Akira admits, rubbing his eyes slightly. “Got it from my mum.” he mutters, embarrassed. ‘God, was it so embarrassing when other people did this?’ he wondered. The tips of his ears turned red, quite visibly, seeing as Illiana laughed softly, settling down on the grass beside him. 

“Late again?” she asks, a knowing smile on her face. “Yes, actually. I got kicked out.” Akira says, not surprised, and a little embarrassed about how easily she had guessed. Illiana laughed out loud, grinning widely. “But hey, at least I got to see you.” Akira said, voice sickeningly sweet. The words seemed to do its work, Illiana visibly cringing at the line.

“Seriously? Pick up lines?” Illiana asks dryly, making Akira chuckle. “My friend uses them too much.” he admitted. (Numbers aren’t enough to count the people Kenzi had used them on, and you would be surprised with the amount of people who fell for them.) Illiana’s eyes twinkle with mischief.

“On you?” she asks.

“Most of the time.” he replies.

Illiana looked shocked at the reply, choosing to shut her mouth promptly. “You didn’t expect that, did you?” Akira asks, laughing. “Not at all.” Illiana replies, tucking a strand of hair behind her ears. The two stare at each other's face before bursting into silent laughter, the wind their only witness.

“Say,” Illiana started, making Akira look at her in confusion. “This might sound weird.” she said again, making Akira motion for her to go on. She hesitates for a moment. “Can I- can I draw you?” she asks, leaving the boy speechless. “M-me?” Akira stutters out, pointing a finger at himself.

“No, the tree behind you. Of course it's you, idiot.” Illiana says, smiling, but Akira still sat shell-shocked. “Akira? Hello?” Illiana waves a hand in front of Akira’s face, snapping him out of his trance. “Cat got your tongue?” she remarks with a smirk, making Akira reply with a “No, you did.” Illiana turned away in embarrassment, but he could still see her blush.

Akira chuckled at the sight, mulling over Illiana’s request. 

“So, can I?” she asks impatiently, grabbing Akira’s hand and shaking it. The boy laughed in return, dark hair blowing in the slight breeze. “I don’t know, can you?” Akira asks back, eyes gleaming in mischief. “I can’t?” Illiana’s eyes saddened immediately, face downcast.

Sometimes, Akira felt bad for doing this– Lying to her in every corner of their conversation, pretending he didn’t like something, all to look at her reaction, which became more amusing as time passed by. But it was simply the kind of dynamic they had developed. Sweet Illiana, so innocent and gullible, and Akira, who took advantage of it in every way he could. 

“Of course, you can.” Akira replied with a smile, watching how her eyes lit up with joy. “You scared me!” Illiana scoffed out, puffing her cheeks out. “And you should stop falling for everything I say! Or is it that you’re falling for me?” Akira asks, making Illiana blush slightly. “Never.” she said, turning away and busying herself with other things.

The other things were in fact her bag, or to be specific, the sheet holder she carried around like it was the source of her life. “Seriously, Illiana. You’re too kind. One day, you’ll get scammed and it’ll be the end of your life.” Akira continued, not willing to let go of the topic. Illiana flinched, raising her head to look at him.

And Akira could’ve sworn something resembling sadness passed through her eyes, but it was gone as fast as it came. A smile spread across Illiana’s face. “Maybe.” she acknowledged, shrugging her shoulders. “But, guess what.” Akira asked, making her look at him in confusion. “What?” she indulged.

“Now, you have a knight in shining armor, who’ll save you from getting scammed!” Akira said, throwing his hands up like it was one of the best things he’d heard in his life. And maybe it was one of the best things Illiana had heard in her life, because she started laughing. Not that light chuckle Akira lets out; a full-blown laughter, enough to bring tears to her eyes.

Akira stared in confusion. He didn't really mean for what he said to funny, in fact, he was as serious as he was when he swore to his mother that he wasn't the one who broke her favorite coffee cup. (He was the one who broke it.) So watching the girl laugh hard enough to fall back onto the grass was a huge hit to his ego.

“Was it that funny?” Akira asked, a small pout on his face. “Yes.” Illiana spoke, catching her breath after her laughter. Akira’s face twisted in a scowl. Illiana’s laughter was slowly coming to a stop, but one glance at Akira’s face and the next second, she was sitting on her knees, paper on her lap and pencil in her hand.

“Let's start?” she asked, to which Akira raised an eyebrow. Illiana turned away, awkwardly coughing into her hand. “Sure.” Akira drawled out, sitting up straight and leaning on the tree behind him. “D-do I need to do something, or…?” “You're fine.” Illiana cut in, smiling.

“Okay.” 

A comfortable silence settled around them, broken only by the soft scratching of Illiana’s pencil on the paper, and the breeze that blew by once in a while, trying to invite the paper to fly with it. Akira didn't shy away from staring at Illiana’s face, which contorted with focus. She looked up once in a while, meeting his eyes and smiling before going back to her work.

Maybe a minute passed.

Maybe an hour.

Akira couldn't keep track of time, watching it slip faster and faster away from his hand. And when Illiana huffed in light anger forty-five minutes later, Akira wished it took longer. “What?” Akira spoke, voice hoarse from unuse. Illiana took a glance at his face just to huff again. 

“I can't get your eyes right.” she whined in annoyance. Akira was truly amused by the situation. “It's alright. Draw it as you wish.” he said, smiling. “No, I can't!” Illiana spoke again, grabbing her second pencil and sharpening it aggressively. “I'm looking at your face, and yet every time I draw your eyes, they just end up looking feminine. And I can't change it, it's like– it's like muscle memory.” 

Oh, that was the problem.

“Illiana, have you ever drawn someone else with gray eyes?” Akira asks. “I'm an artist, Akira. Of course I've drawn people with gray eyes before.” she deadpans. “But your eyes are different. The only other person who had such light eyes was Miriam Azrael, from when she acted in ‘Indifference’, and she said it was her natural eye color, and–” 

Illiana cut herself off, eyes widening in realization. The silence cut through the annoyance, chilling any anger the girl had left. “Y-you said you got your eyes from your mother.” Illiana stated. “I did, yes.” Akira admitted. The brunette gaped up at the boy. “Y-you're an Azrael.” she stuttered out. “I am.” Akira confirmed.

“You're Akira Azrael.” 

“Yes.”

“Second generation multimillionaire.” 

“Yes.”

“The heir to Azrael Enterprises.”

“Yeah.”

“The one who can even buy the White House if he wanted to?”

“Now, that's a bit of an exaggeration.” Akira winces. Illiana didn't bother replying to his answer, just staring at him with her jaw hanging open. “Nah, this can't be happening.” Illiana shook her head violently, grabbing her phone from her bag and hurriedly typing something in.

Once she got what she needed, she practically shoved the phone into his face. “Is this you?” she asked, moving the phone a little away from his face. Akira squinted at the phone screen. It was a picture of him at a press conference a few weeks back, where his father announced his heir. It was also the first time Akira was introduced to the public.

Akira was wearing a charcoal black suit, hair styled up and body adorned with silver jewelry (which just so happened to match his eyes, according to his mother) grinning widely at the paparazzi, who were flashing their cameras at him with no break. “That is me, yes.” Akira said, for the five hundred millionth time, as Illiana held her phone near his face to compare.

Akira sighed, reaching his hand out to push the phone away, but before he could, Illiana moved away on her own. “Maybe I should add a few finishing touches.” she spoke, shoving her phone away and looking at her own drawing. “Show me before you change it.” Akira whined, making Illiana giggle. “Sure.” she said, flipping the drawing over.

And there it was, the masterpiece.

If the beauty of the picture lay in the eyes of the cameraman, the charm of a drawing lay in the eyes of the artist. Akira thought the drawing was a masterpiece, on the aspect of the artist and not the model. Illiana’s drawing had done justice to everything, along with his eyes, which she claimed she couldn’t get right.

“It’s beautiful.” he breathed, shocking both Illiana and himself at how soft it sounded. “Lies.” Illiana replied, turning the picture away. “No, really. That’s beautiful, Illiana.” Akira spoke again. Although the picture had long been removed from his eyesight, Akira’s mind couldn’t help but linger on it. 

The way his hair blew in the wind, the way a smile framed his face, the way his eyes twinkled (somehow, he assumed it was mischief in his eyes)– It was beautiful. Illiana had drawn something so simple, so boring, and turned it into something absolutely mesmerizing.

“I-it’s like you gave the drawing life.” 

This time, it was Illiana’s turn to stare at Akira in shock. Maybe those words that he’d said so lightly were ones she wished to hear her whole life, because, the next second, her eyes were brimming with tears. And maybe she stared at him for a second too long, and maybe she turned away before the boy noticed her state.

“Thank you.” she replied after a long silence, giving Akira a soft smile. “I still need to retouch a few things.” Illiana said, grabbing the pencil and scribbling onto her paper hurriedly. If minutes passed this time, Akira wouldn’t know, because before he even registered what had happened, Illiana had flipped the drawing over for him to look at.

For a second, he was confused.

The portrait was the same, not a single thread awry. It was then he realized, it wasn’t a change in the person, but the background surrounding him. What was white space now held something; A rough sketch of a flashy sports car, seemingly red, occupying the space behind him. And yes, it did not match the vibe of the innocent-looking boy smiling widely.

Now, Akira Azrael looked like a rich, spoiled boy, happy at the newest car he’d gotten as a gift.

“Illiana!” Akira scowled, but before he could reach out to grab her paper, the girl was already a few meters away, bag packed and paper clutched tightly in her hand. Akira held the bell ring, which ultimately meant he was to get to his next class. He frowned.

“I’m keeping this!” Illiana shouted, slowly walking away. “Next time you see this drawing, I’ll be done with the car.” she said again, playfully. “I hope it looks good. See you later!” Akira shouted back with a smile, watching as her’s faded away. Illiana gave him a tight-lipped smile, turning away.

“Illiana!” Akira shouted.

The brunette turned back.

“See you later?” he repeated.

“Yeah, later.” she replied, walking away.

Akira sighed softly, recalling all that had happened today. Grinning at his memories, he stood up, dusting his pants and walking toward the school building. He had to get his books from his locker before going up to his class with Ms. May Juneth. And if Akira had seen it, he hadn’t noticed, and maybe if he did, he could’ve changed the future.

What was it, you ask?

‘It’ was the fact that Illiana hadn’t smiled.

…….

Akira woke up early.

Two days after Illiana decided to give him a heart attack, (and almost succeeded) the ravenette had startled himself awake. He probably had a nightmare, whose content he didn’t remember now, and it was bad enough to have him heaving and gasping for breath. The vice-like grip he had on his bedsheets loosened as he regained consciousness, sitting up slowly.

Akira sighed, brushing his sweat-drenched hair back, a few stray strands making their way back to his forehead. It was a Monday, the morning chill still setting in. As winter became more apparent, the days were colder and shorter, which would also be the reason the darkness ruled the early morning skies, although it was already 6.

As Akira would have it, the hot chocolate was served to his bedside by servants who had long started their day. “You’re up early.” his dad commented when Akira walked down the stairs slowly. “Not by choice.” Akira replied, noticing how the weather just seemed to mirror his gloomy mood. 

“Nightmare?” 

“Yeah. Can’t remember what it was about.”

Akira sighed, although he didn’t know if it was in exasperation or satisfaction, as he wolfed down the plate of hot pancakes he was served for breakfast. The maple syrup that accompanied it was apparently his dad’s new business idea, and boy Akira loved it. (And surely it wasn’t because his dad remarked that his mom had helped make it. Not at all.)

The weather did not get better at all, and as a matter of fact, it seemed like a fresh layer of gray, darker gray, had been painted over the sky. Akira chuckled at the thought that if the world decided to get any darker, even the brightest of light wouldn’t be able to lighten it. 

As Akira walked out to the bus stop, on time for once, the mist in the air clung to him as if it was his second skin. He sighed, burrowing his face deeper into his green-colored scarf, climbing onto the bus. “Not the best of days, ay?” the bus driver had asked him, to which the boy nodded.

The only thing that kept him going was the fact that he could see Illiana today. Akira’s lips quirked up into a slight smile at the thought. The boy scanned his bus card, turning to walk toward where Illiana sat, like he always did.

Funnily enough, the seat where she always sat was empty.

A frown settled onto Akira’s face, his eyes scanning the seats once again. Once he came up empty, Akira sighed, walking toward his seat, shoving the bag off his shoulders and slumping into the seat. The only good thing in his day wasn’t there.

Illiana had probably missed the bus.

That was just it.

…….

But that wasn’t just it.

Illiana was gone.

Either that, or Illiana had been missing the bus every day for the past four days. And Akira hoped to god it was the latter. The first day, he didn’t care. The second day, he was confused. The third, he was worried, and the fourth, Akira was pretty much pulling his hair out in frustration.

Curse him for not even bothering to get her number, not knowing what class she was in, and having absolutely no idea how to contact her. To think they’d known each other for weeks. Akira had waited outside the architecture building all morning, even though he hadn’t gotten kicked out of class.

He’d grabbed a few students who walked in, giving them the fright of their life, before asking if they knew which class an ‘Illiana Van’ was in. The responses he’d gotten till now were pessimistic, ranging from ‘I don’t know’ to ‘I don’t think the person you’re looking for goes here.’

The worst of them all was some guy who claimed to be the Department Representative, who told him that he knew the name of every person in every class of this department and he hadn’t ever heard the name ‘Illiana Van’ before. He had also not forgotten to add the fact that maybe he had gotten duped by some girl who tried to approach him for money.

What the guy got in return for that piece of information, was a smack to the face.

And this would explain why Akira slumped into a chair next to his friends during lunch, tears in his eyes and disappointment in his face. “What’s got you looking like a kicked puppy?” Kenzi remarked, throwing a French fry at Akira’s face, who didn’t move an inch to block it.

“...gone.” was what Kenzi and Nolan heard, even after straining their ears to hear him. “What’s gone?” Kenzi asks, making Akira slam his face onto the table. “Illiana’s gone.” he whines, voice muffled from the thick coat he wore. Nolan and Kenzi share a glance, (the former rolling his eyes), before they sigh in unison.

“Her again?” Nolan asked, somewhat disappointed in his friend for being so ‘lovesick’ as Kenzi worded it. “Mhmm.” Akira hummed, not lifting his head up from where it rested on his crossed arms. “Akii, must you be like this?” Nolan asks again, frowning. “You’ve known her for barely a few weeks.” he says.

“Yeah, dude. And we haven’t even met her yet!” Kenzi chips in.

“Kenzi hasn’t met her, and he knows everyone!” Nolan says.

Nolan gets a shove to his side.

“I’m not exaggerating this time.” Akira pipes in, finally lifting his head up. “She’s gone! I haven’t seen her anywhere in four days, 5 hours, and 42 minutes.” Akira says. “You’re counting?” Kenzi asks, incredulous. “Of course not! I just told you the first numbers that popped into my head.” Akira scoffed out.

Nolan breathes out a sigh of relief, and Akira stares at him incredulously. “You didn’t think…?” Akira started, to which Nolan nodded. “I did.” he replied gravely. Akira reached out to smack his friend in offense, but Nolan was long gone, occupying the seat next to Kenzi instead. 

Akira laughed at his friend, but then his smile slowly faded away once he remembered why Nolan wanted to make him laugh in the first place. Kenzi smiles at him bitterly, while Nolan just sighs again. “Tell me about it.” Nolan says, and that was enough for the dam to break down. “I don’t know!” Akira started.

“She was just fine when I talked to her a few days ago, and then she stopped showing up.” Akira says. Just as Kenzi opened his mouth, Akira interrupted him. “And no, Ken. I did not scare her away.” Kenzi just grins. “I haven’t heard from her ever since. I even tried asking around the architecture department, but no one knows her.” Akira says.

The boy lets out a long sigh.

Nolan frowns. “No one knows her?” he asks. “Yeah. No one does. One guy even had the gall to tell me that she might have approached me for money.” Akira scoffs out. Nolan’s frown deepens, and he shares another glance with Kenzi. This time, however, it does not go unnoticed by Akira. “What? What are you thinking?” Akira asks, eyes shifting between his two friends.

“Akii…” Nolan starts, gesturing at Kenzi to continue, but the boy shakes his head, gesturing for Nolan to continue his own sentence, muttering something about ‘Listening to Ms. Juneth’s advice’. “Spit it out.” Akira says, eyes sharpening. “I think… we think what that guy said was right.” Nolan finished, voice going soft, as if to ease the blow of his words.

Akira goes silent for a minute, processing what his friends just said. Once he did, he scoffs. “No.” he declares, shaking his head violently and leaning back. “She’s not like that. I can guarantee you that.” Akira says, going on the defensive. Nolan notices the change in his friend’s demeanor, nudging Kenzi to say something. 

“Akii, she might have lied about herself.” Kenzi says, the usual playfulness in his voice long gone. “It could be why no one knows about her.” Nolan pitches in. “No.” Akira scowls. “Illiana is not a liar.” he says. “Every liar says they haven’t lied.” Kenzi says again, reaching his hand out to place it on Akira’s shoulder.

Kenzi’s hand gets rudely shrugged off, and the boy stares at Akira in shock. “S-sorry.” he stutters out, before sighing. “Guys, just take my word for it. She was genuine.” Akira says, before the bell rings, ushering all the students out and boldly declaring that the world was to move again. The ravenette frowns, standing up from his seat.

Akira mutters a small ‘Bye’ to his friends, turning to walk away. 

“Akira.” he hears before he feels a hand on his wrist, stopping him. Akira turns to look at Nolan, who slowly releases his arm. “We–” he started, before looking at Kenzi, who gave him a nod. “We can ask around, if you want.” Nolan continues. “Yeah.” Kenzi says. “We can try to search her up on the student database.” 

Akira’s eyes widened at the last statement. “You have access to the database?” he asks, impressed. “Nolan does.” Kenzi says, grinning. “Having friends in the student council really does give you benefits.” he continues, nudging Nolan on his side. The said boy just buries his face into his hands in embarrassment. 

“Thank you.” Akira lets out softly, making his friends look at him. “Don’t mention it.” Nolan says, at the same time Kenzi says, “Any favor I do you now results in a favor from you later!” The two look at each other, contemplating the difference between their answers.

Akira waves at his friends, walking away.

…….

“Damn it.” Akira cursed.

He’d just stepped into a puddle of water.

Akira slows down for a moment, examining his soaked shoe, before realizing there was no saving it. He sighs, wiggling his leg for a minute, before speeding up again, his previous jog becoming a fast-paced run. He’d woken up to the sound of his ringtone in the morning today, and Akira was pissed. 

His reflex compelled him to shout at the caller, cursing him or her out for ruining his sleep, although it hadn’t been one of the best. And yes, Akira was susceptible to temptation, and so, when he picked up the phone, the first thing he wanted to say was ‘Are you stupid?!’. Fortunately, the boy didn’t even get to open his mouth.

“I think we found her.”

Nolan’s words echoed through his mind once again, the meaning ringing in his ear louder than the cold wind that blew past him. Although his legs were burning with exhaustion, Akira still ran, hurried breaths coming out as little clouds.

“Me and Nolan searched through the student database, and Akii, prepare yourself.” Kenzi says. “Prepare myself for what?” Akira remembers asking. Nolan sighed. “For one, Illiana Van didn’t lie about who she was.” Nolan said, making Akira smile a little. “I told you so.” chastises Akira, but there was no humor from his friend’s side.

“Yeah, you did.” Kenzi remarked from the side. “Illiana Van is a student at our school. Or, was.” Nolan said, making Akira’s smile fade away. “What do you mean?” Akira had asked, confused. And the confusion had lingered, all the way till a few hours later, even when the ravenette was running faster than his body could handle. 

“Illiana Van was a student here eight years ago.”

Akira’s heart dropped to his stomach. “W-what do you mean?” “I mean exactly what I said, Akii. Illiana studied here eight years ago, before she dropped out in the middle of her last year. There’s no reason mentioned here.” Kenzi speaks, as if he was reading out from her profile then and there.

Akira couldn’t bear it anymore.

His legs hurt.

The boy came to an abrupt stop, hands on his knees, and he was panting, gasping for breath. His lungs burned from lack of air, his legs burned from the lack of rest. And still, the fire in his eyes hadn’t burned out. Akira grunted in pain when he tried to move again, but he bore with it, dragging his legs along as he fast-walked to his destination.

Akira glanced at his phone one more time, confirming if he was going in the right direction, before turning his last right and coming to a stop in front of a house. He caught his breath again, huffing out small, white clouds. His hair was drenched, but the boy didn’t know if it was from the running or the chill that clung onto him.

“There’s an address here. But, I wouldn’t be too sure about this, Akii.”

Those words.

Those few words were enough to have him stumble out of bed and barrel his way here in a hurry, forgetting that he owned a bike, which would have been a more efficient mode of transport than running here with his lower-than-rock bottom stamina. But it was okay, it was worth it. Anything was worth it if he could just find something, anything, about Illiana. 

Akira calmed himself down and made him presentable to the best of his abilities before stalking down the driveway of the house. It was a beautiful house, Akira noted. It was the kind he’d like to live in sometime in his life, a contrast to his modern and high-technological house. It was painted a light pink, contrasting the lush green of the garden outside.

Although, if he had to change one aspect of it, he would change the length of the driveway, because it sure as hell wasn’t long enough for Akira to get his thoughts in order. Akira shook his head lightly, reminding himself of the reason he was here. Akira knocked on the door and waited.

Akira thought he expected nothing.

But maybe, somewhere deep within, he did.

Maybe he expected Illiana’s family to have moved out of this house, or maybe he expected Illiana to have simply gone away. Or maybe he expected her to open the door, and everything would be magically alright. But out of everything he’d expected, a woman holding the door open and staring at him impatiently, was nowhere near his expectations.

The woman looked to be about his mother’s age, or maybe older, and held an uncanny resemblance to the girl he’d been looking for. “Yes?” The woman asked once she noticed the boy wasn’t speaking. Akira snapped out of his trance, taking a minute to form his words.

“Um, hello.” he said, voice shivering, and he hoped the woman thought it was from the cold. The woman nodded, eyes sparkling in confusion. “Sorry to disturb you, but may I ask if this is the house of Illiana Van?” Akira asks, smiling apologetically. The woman’s eyes widened in recognition before she looked down, avoiding eye contact.

“No, I don’t know anyone by that name.” she said, moving backward to shut the door. Akira jammed his leg into the doorframe, wincing once the door slams into his feet. “I believe you do know someone by that name.” Akira says, covering up the pain in his voice with a smile on his face. 

The woman struggled to close the door for a few more seconds before she gave in, letting Akira push the door open with his feet. “How do you know Illiana?” Akira asks, eyes throwing daggers at the woman. The woman stills, and then she scoffs. “I should be asking you that question.” the woman says.

“How do you know my daughter?”

“Your… daughter?”

Akira froze where he stood, and it sure as hell had nothing to do with the chill outside. “Yes, my daughter.” the woman says. “You’re Illiana’s mother?” Akira asks carefully, brain still not processing the newest fact he'd learnt. “Noemi Van.” the woman introduces herself, eyebrows raised at the lack of introduction on Akira’s part.

“Akira.” The boy introduced. The woman stared at him in amusement. “Last name?” she asks. God, the mother and daughter were truly similar. “Akira Azrael.” he said, because somehow Akira deduced that Noemi wouldn’t be as kind to jokes as her daughter was. “Like the millionaires?” Ms. Van asks.

“Exactly like the millionaires.” Akira confirms.

Noemi Van smiles bitterly, shaking her head. “How do you know my daughter? I’m sure I’d have known if she had friends like you.” Ms. Van says. Akira chuckles. “I was her friend.” Akira says, a smile on his face. “Were you?” Ms. Van asks, mirroring the smile on Akira’s face. “Why the visit after so long?” Ms. Van asks, her smile slowly turning bitter.

So long?

To Akira it seemed as if… as if she meant too long as more than a few days ago. “I was wondering if I could see her. Illiana, I mean.” Akira says, the smile on his face becoming bigger. Although the woman couldn’t mirror his expression this time; Ms. Van’s smile faded away. “Is this a joke?” she asks, eyes sharpening.

“No? Why would it be a joke?” Akira asks, confused. “If this is your idea of a joke, Akira,” Noemi spits out his name with venom. “You are a cruel, cruel human being.” she says. The green in her eyes just seemed to glow brighter, just like when Akira first met Illiana.

“I really don’t know what you mean.” Akira said, eyes burning with innocence. And somehow, the woman seemed to pick up on his genuine confusion. “Oh.” she let out softly, the eyes which were burning in anger now cooled into sadness. “You didn’t know.” Ms. Van said again.

“What? What didn’t I know?” Akira asks, eyes searching the woman for answers. Ms. Van’s eyes never betrayed her, and Akira watched as her face stoned. The winter seemed to drop fifty degrees, making the boy almost freeze to death. And the stinging silence did nothing to help that. “I’m sorry Akira.” Noemi Van whispered.

“What are you sorry for?”

“My daughter, Illiana, died eight years ago.”

…….

It wasn’t a sunny day.

Not by a lot.

The winds blew harsh, and not even the thick trees that adorned the sides of the road could hide the dark clouds looming in the sky, waiting, screaming to let the rain down, washing away all that the world needed to hide. All the pain, all the sadness, all the hurt.

But it stood. It stood scarily still, as if the world was on pause, and once someone hits the button, the sky would shatter into pieces. The pieces would fall, stabbing through each one’s heart, ripping their soul out. The pain would overflow and spill, like a dam once broken.

Akira slammed the door of his car shut, the sound muted by the wind. 

His black hair flew around with the wind, matching his dark outfit. The chill winter had finally set in, and it did not make getting out of bed any easier. Akira tucked the bouquet he held under his arm, rubbing his hands together to scrape up any warmth he had left in his body. It did not work in the least.

The ravenette sighed, his breath coming out in small puffs. 

He pulls the coat around him tighter before walking down the lane and then onto the grass. Rows of beautifully arranged gray on green stared back at him, the beauty of the green grass hiding the ghastly sight under it. Names were carved on each stone, some with great care and some without the least. 

After walking for a minute or so, Akira comes to a stop in front of a headstone, one of many that took up space in this graveyard. He smiles lightly at the name that had been carved on it, the same one which had carved itself onto his heart. 

In loving memory of,

Illiana Roselyn Van

(1997-2016)

The boy slumped onto the ground, his black coat now dirtied with grass. Akira pushed the wilted flowers away, placing his fresh set onto the ground. “You weren’t allergic to flowers after all, Roselyn.” Akira chuckles at his own joke. His laughter echoed through the eerie silence.

At first, Akira didn’t know what to make of this situation. 

He couldn’t feel anything. He wasn’t sad, he wasn’t happy, he wasn’t hurt. It was as if his mind still hadn’t registered the fact that Illiana was dead, long, long before he knew her. The boy knew better than to question what had happened and drive himself crazy over it.

Because Akira knew Illiana. Whoever she was, whatever she was, they had laughed together, they had smiled together. And Akira had been genuinely happy when they spent time together. And thinking about it, Illiana had been spending more time than she had. And that was all there was to it. The winds blew and the time flew, and before he knew it, Akira had been there for hours.  

“Until next time, then.” Akira bid farewell, standing up and getting ready to walk away. Just as he took his first step, he glanced back, only to notice a small piece of paper near Illiana’s headstone. Confused, the boy bent down, grabbing the paper and unfolding it.

Akira’s breath hitched.

It wasn’t some small receipt; it wasn’t a letter written for her; it wasn’t something someone had dropped on a visit. It was a drawing of Akira, hair flying, eyes glowing, and a fancy-looking car in the background. The same one Illiana drew. Except now, the rough sketch of the car had been completed, a carbon copy of the one he’d driven to come here. 

It was as beautiful as the first time Akira set his eyes on it. 

How was it– how was it here?

“I-it’s beautiful.” he remembers telling Illiana, along with the fact that she should erase the car rather than complete it, but the brunette had always been headstrong and always did what she wanted. Akira smiled bitterly.

A crease on the paper had Akira flipping it over, the words written on it catching his eyes. Akira grinned at what was written, a stray tear dropping from his eye. “Only she would do something like this.” he laughed, although the sound was filled with pain. 

Akira grabbed a pen he’d shoved into his pocket, writing something on the paper before folding it and putting it back where he found it. Funnily enough, writing seemed to be much harder when the tears blurred his eyes. Akira glanced at Illiana’s grave one last time before he turned around, walking far, far away.

‘I wonder how someone dead could bring something to life.’ She had written.

‘You are only dead if you are forgotten.’ He had replied.

…….

By Pooranie B