Forgiveness

By Dr Avlokita Sharma

This basic human value would surely be powerful, else would not have stayed relevant in every culture and religion. 

In Hinduism, penance and forgiveness are the best means to attain self-purification.

क्षमा बलमशक्तानाम् शक्तानाम् भूषणम् क्षमा। 

क्षमा वशीकृते लोके क्षमयाः किम् न सिद्ध्यति॥ 

Meaning - Forgiveness is the power of powerless. Forgiveness adorns the powerful. 

Most often, the cause of hurt is an act of insecurity, jealousy, or even self-doubt. Whether the hurt is malicious, deliberate, or unintentional, it still comes with cause and effect. It is tough to forgive in daily life and is nearly impossible to let go because not every time the subliminal ego is the reason for hurt. Mercy cannot be comprehended by hearts wounded by deceit and souls scythed by misdeeds.

The harm caused by nursing a grudge is greater than the pain itself. One is vulnerable to feeling resentment and bitterness. The indignation is like a fire that consumes itself. The one who feels the pain of heartbreak almost is swallowed by it. Hatred left unguarded obstructs the path, obscures the purpose of life, affects progress, and takes away some of the pleasures life can provide. Hatred may appear to decrease pain, but it actually intensifies it. It may also seem that while one is struggling to move on, the perpetrators are on enjoying a never-ending picnic. One is caught in an infinite loop of dwelling in hurtful situations, feeling bitter, and recalling the hurt.

Forgiveness leads to relief in an organic way. The soothing balm that all mortals seek is forgiveness. Tranquility is a result of Forgiveness. Both are interconnected and interwoven. While anger emphasizes hurt, forgiveness expedites healing. 

“The weak can never forgive. 

Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong”. Mahatma Gandhi

Understandably, it is not an easy feat to master this virtue. One needs a strong mind, spiritual prowess, and constant practice. Forgiveness brings reprieve and equanimity to the mind. It helps in keeping one's sanity intact. Sadly, this core value has turned into a game. The one who forgives is believed to be a loser. 

However, no one ever told what all should be forgiven. Are heinous crimes against humanity to be covered under forgiveness, or should forgiveness only be limited to insignificant issues. It is unclear how much should be forgiven and how much should be simply forgotten.

Additionally, in the process of forgiving others, we often forget to forgive ourselves. Every person has to make a difficult choice at some point in his or her life. As an example, not being capable of meeting the demands of elderly parents or not standing up for someone dear to you or choosing to concentrate on personal accomplishments instead of reaching out to a friend in distress, being unable to make enough money or dedicate enough time to one's children.  

We try to balance it out by oversharing, overindulging, or accumulating material possessions in the hope of being forgiven. 

We cannot forgive others while we are being weighed down with self-pity. 

We all need to understand that we are all sum total of our circumstances, experiences and suffering, just like everyone else.

By Dr Avlokita Sharma