Domestic Bliss

By Javeria Ahmed

While being a mother is one of the most satisfying jobs, it’s also the toughest. The thought of bringing and then raising another human being in the world can be a bit overwhelming. In spite of the highs and lows, almost every woman aspires to experience that as womanhood and motherhood are considered two sides of the same coin, especially in our part of the world. It has been deeply rooted in our minds since ages that a woman’s primary purpose in life is to be a wife, a homemaker and a mother. There is, of course, nothing wrong with being that as motherhood is indeed magical but is it unjustified to want more?

A lot of women find solace in domestic bliss but what about those who wish to explore what lies beyond this safe haven. If we consider our ‘desi’ setup then we can see how mothers completely immerse themselves in this role and often end up entirely giving up personal aims and ambitions. Why is that? Why is it expected of them to be just mothers and no one else?

Fathers can try different stints so why can’t mothers do that? Women are great at multitasking so why can’t they acquire multiple roles? They should, at the very least, have the freedom to look for other means of fulfilment if they want to accomplish something solely for their own selves.

The confinement conundrum sometimes presents itself much later in life. Eastern Women usually spend their entire adult lives looking after the husband and children and give up so much down the road to selflessness that when their children become grown individuals and find their own paths in life, mothers somehow feel they have no purpose anymore as independent adults, their children don’t need them like they used to when they were younger. Despite mutual emotional dependency, mothers find it hard to actually cut the umbilical cord as it’s a different dynamic altogether. The problem usually transforms into a conflict when a new person comes into the picture, usually as a spouse of their child. Mothers, who spent better part of their youth, time and energy in raising the children find it difficult to fathom that the child has a partner now and they ought to have a family and life of their own and thus begins a vicious cycle of resentment, coupled with jealousy and cold war of possession and ownership from both sides. It has been prevalent since ages and it’s not going away anytime soon unless we try to find a way out.

While motherhood is no doubt one of the most phenomenal experiences for a woman but it’s surely not the only one and nowhere does it mean that a woman has to stop being herself just because she is someone’s primary caregiver. Females must realise that they should keep their individuality intact ,they must pursue their personal ambitions, a hobby and an activity which is solely for themselves. They should not feel guilty if they look outside the domestic realms to find contentment and happiness or when they win laurels for their professional achievements. It is healthy for their emotional well being and bears fruit in the long run. They can be good mothers and have personal goals, they can satisfy their maternal instincts and be a professional at the same time, therefore they should have hobbies and leisure activities to occupy their time. In all probability, they won’t resent anyone if they feel a sense of purpose and utility, this determination can act as a driving force and help them in reaching personal milestones. Maybe my oversimplified Freudian analysis, so to speak,  is inaccurate but I strongly feel that women have to break this societal mould and carve their own niche, let go of stereotypes and make up their own rules. Women are strong and can be independent thinkers, social activists, mothers, space scientists, teachers, homemakers and so much more!

There is no stopping them….

“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style”

By Javeria Ahmed