Finally , It Was Home

By Sharmistha Kamat

Today I feel like an open end of a circle, which travels all around but has to come back to its own origin to complete itself .

No matter how far you go in search of all you want in life , there is one place in the universe which cant be recreated and neither can be replicated , it is like a cocoon, in the vicinity of which you feel cared, you feel protected and you feel to stay , its our home.

Everything in this place is so much nurtured , and unique , every step and breath you take here it soothes you...reiterates you your seedbed. Every gush of wind caresses you ,whispers in your ears 'Welcome'...

Someone had verily said 'the most lovable thing in your life is not as lovable until it is taken away...' until we lose something our inept brain does not let you realize , how much you loved it , how much it was your and how much you have lost it...

Until I was in my home , it was never a thing i would miss so deeply , but now when I go back for countable days my inner me wishes to hold every moment and live it to more than the fullest ..everything of the place seems special now . All those little unbothered things are now a major missing...The speed of my own room's fan well adjusted, which I find difficult to get the exact speed in any of my stays. Whistle of the pressure cooker with a slight aroma of the dal cooking , makes my morning, that feels like home. Morning door bells ringing one after another sometimes newspaper, sometimes milk , laundry, neighbors...

These doorbells never was a thing I would cherish for days back...but now it echoes in my ears and make my home so homely...

Lazy mornings and mom's scolding feels like the happy crunch of a butterscotch ice-cream...I see my room ,look around for the reminiscence of those days when I yearned to go far in chase of something that world told me was important - money ,job ...Now when I possess what I was in search of ...it feels worthless ,and today again I feel nowhere , every attainment is sensed undersized in comparison to what is left behind...

Still I smile outside ,but the inner voice hushes so loudly and questions me why do I had to leave, stay back...I try not hear, I try to hush and indeed its lost in the family giggles and laughing...

Kitchen used to be my most go to place ,which used to tempt me with the aroma of food...it was then that i had to fight to get my favorite dish cooked on some days .And now what i see ,all cooking is done for me , all that what I love , all done unsaid ...

There was that side of the dining table , where I could lean on to wall, I sit back there and relax , have my exaggerated lunch ...right spices , subtle yet delicious. And there are never ending laughs and gossips over the table ... I feel after such a long time I am eating without a smart device being my partner ...No matter how much ever I am ready to pay, a date of this kind can't be imitated...

Everywhere I go , I try to make my home ...I try to replicate every corner of the place which I have seen growning up..Every single day I feel something's missing and it remains missing....I fill my walls with different paintings, decorate it with beautiful and costly stuffs and every single day what I try to recreate is still felt not so homely...

There can only be one place in the whole world and only one corner in your house which is your perfect corner, which makes you fall asleep with the warmth of love and care ...where bad dreams cannot touch you ...and you dont get up in the middle of night ...you just sleep with peace ...

This place you are in , you can't be forever ,because you chose to leave , I chose to leave , I chose to career when good life was what I yearned for ...so I had to leave...packup and leave ...

I am ready to leave, but not my heart ,not my will...I am walking towards the door, taking baby steps and every step is like something pulling me back ,its getting difficult to take those few steps towards exit...my Heart sinks now .... I can see my mom sad ,standing, giving me blessings, telling me everything but not what my heart is aching for ...I want someone to call out and say 'Stay dear , you belong here'...I listen to each word what every one has to say but none matcing the words what my ears are waiting for ...realisation leaves me in a painful condition...and I ask myself is it too late to come back?

It's time I leave, bid every one good bye with hope of meeting again...

The butterfly left her cocoon to show the world all her colors ...world cherishes her, but she still misses the cocoon, the warmth of it , the care and love ...She tries to find it , confuses every other cocoon as her own , and the search goes on...but she will find a way back ....

By Sharmistha Kamat