Escapism

By Abarna N

Holding my throbbing head , I let out a cry

Long gone was the me , who always try

A sad smile makes it way to my face

Hand goes to punch myself in the face

I stopped my hand in the mid air

Looking straightly at the mirror

Took a stroll down the memory lane

To keep myself sane

All I did was getting lost in the moment

Thought it was far better than living in the present

Thought my new addictions were escape

A part of me questions , was it really an escape

Came here for losing myself in the moment

An escape from the present

Reality was worst

Thought ignoring it was best

Addictions became escapism

For coping up with realism

But hey , hold on ain’t we losing our focus here

We are just the same as we are when we came here

Healing happened , No

Feelings improved , No

Also why the problems didn’t gone away

Instead stayed and started coming again in my way

Then why I have to stay here , a part of my brain screams lately

Why I felt caged here

Thought it was place of comfort here

A little part of me drowning in the guilt

Hoping for someone to pull me out from the trench I built

Slowly falling into this Abyss

Which was once my bliss

Addictions became comfort

But that comfort was a lie

Though as hard as to face the bitter truth

I don’t want myself drowning in the comfortable lie

With a deep sigh , took a look of whatever that broke me

Going to try mending the broken pieces of me

Tears falling freely from my eyes

Waiting for someone to wipe’em from my eyes

And later only I realized ,

The one who wants me to come out of this side of me

The one who wants me to live the most of me

The one who wants me to keep the sane version of me

The one who needs the most of me

Is not someone , but me.

Maybe one day , I can let go of everything

With a smile , I can say I felt them ,

Yay , They were part of me

May be stumbled myself on the way

But hey ,They made me who I am today

Stumbling while looking for directions felt okay

But staying simply in the escapism never felt okay

Let’s take a step out of here to see

To Whatever that will become of me.

By Abarna N