Dragonflies

By Mallika Kanneganti

It was a sacred tree, and we were told never to climb it.

That was the one rule we always lived by. Otherwise, life in the Zhanti tribe left us with all the freedom we could have ever wanted. We didn't need police or laws, because we just trusted that everyone in the tribe would be a good person, and so far no one had betrayed that trust.

Some of us, including me, had known the outside world before we came here, and we didn't miss it. We could be happy without cars or the internet. We shared some similarities with the outside world though; we spoke the same language as the rest of the country, and some people had brought board games and books from the outside world to entertain us.

The Zhanti were progressive, more so than most societies on Earth. They didn't discriminate against people or put labels on them. I was born a girl in the outside world, but as I grew older, I began to grow facial hair that distinguished me from other girls. I was cruelly berated about this trait, because according to the outsiders, people have to be either boys or girls. No one wanted anything to do with anyone who was in between.

But the Zhanti were different. They told me that I didn't have to be a boy or girl, that I could just be. So I was happy being neither a boy nor a girl.

I had joined the Zhanti when I was about thirteen, and now I was nearing my twenties. I didn’t really talk much to anyone my ageThe other young people in the tribe were polite to me, but I could tell that they thought I was strange. They never invited me to hang out with them and they were always short in their conversations. They were better than the people I was around before I ran away, but I still didn't like being around them when they alienated me like that.

I only had one friend in the Zhanti, and that was enough. He was a senior citizen, and I would have preferred someone my age, but he was the only one in the tribe who seemed to not mind being around me.

I am strange, I admit it. Not because of my gender, but I have these strange episodes. I would try to go about my life like normal, but every now and again I would feel myself being transported back to a familiar, albeit terrifying place. I would see her, throwing things at me, holding a knife, wrapping her hands around me. I could see the hatred in her eyes. I felt an equal amount of hatred, but also the same amount of fear. I would start shaking and crying and then be transported back to the Zhanti. Then I would have to pretend not to notice everyone staring at me with a scared look on their face like I was a freak show.

Khuni, the aforementioned village elder, always helped me feel better after an episode. He usually didn't say much, but he would hold my hand while I cried and cut fruit for me.

Every now and again he would tell me stories of how the tribe was founded. Two men were tired of being ostracized by society, so they ran away with their family who was like them. One of them was battling brain cancer at the time, but he had decided to stop the treatments because they weren't working. He requested for a tree to be planted above his grave when he died. That tree was the sacred tree. No one climbed it out of respect. Its fruits were eaten every spring, and they were thought to bless us with good luck for the year.

Khuni told me something else that no one else seemed to know. He told me that once every generation, someone special would climb the tree and find their destiny. It made me tempted to try, but I was always scared of getting caught.

When Khuni died, I was devastated. He was very old and it was probably his time, but I now had no one to help me through the pain, no one who didn't think I was a nutcase. The night of his funeral, I tossed and turned, wondering how I could survive in the Zhanti without him and where else I could go.

Hands wringing my neck, fingernails digging into me. I sat up on my sleeping mat, shaking and whimpering. I felt something creeping through my body. It was anger, more than anger; it was rage.

Who was I angry at? Was it her for trying to hurt me? The Zhanti kids who refused to treat me with even the slightest bit of sympathy? The universe, for taking Khuni away from me? Myself, for not being able to be normal? All of the above?

The rage filled me with a sense of daring. I looked up at the night sky and saw the moon behind the branches of the sacred tree. I stood up slowly, careful not to awaken anyone sleeping around me.

I tiptoed towards the tree, the rage ebbing away from me. All I could think about was how beautiful the moon looked and how I had to get closer to it. I grabbed the lowest branch, putting my foot on the trunk and hoisting myself up. I repeated the process over and over until I was so far from the ground, the rest of the sleeping Zhanti looked the size of roaches. I looked up, and the moonlit view was so beautiful it made me catch my breath.

Something fluttered by and landed on my arm. It probably wasn't anything too out of the ordinary, but it felt magical to me. It was the biggest, most beautiful dragonfly I had ever seen.

"I'm going to name you Ernie," I whispered to it, smiling.

Ernie began to flutter away. I couldn't let him go; I had to follow him. I had only seen something like him once in my life; he had to mean something.

I scrambled down the tree, jumping when I got to the third lowest branch. Ernie was still there, resting on the trunk. He seemed to be waiting for me. His wings began fluttering and he began to move once more.

I ran after him. I've never been a fast runner, but I didn't have any trouble keeping up. As I ran, I felt an ethereal feeling. I didn't feel the ground under my feet; it felt like it was flying.

Ernie stopped again at the lake, hovering above the water. He began to move towards the land on the other side. I slowly waded into the water and began to swim after him, thinking that I was probably crazy for following him that far, but I just had to see it through until he showed me whatever he wanted to show me.

I reached the other side in what seemed like no time. As I emerged into the shore, soaked, I lost sight of Ernie but something else caught my attention--a sound.

Sobbing.

I followed the sound, going into a forest. I saw someone sitting on the ground, with their back against a tree, and their head buried in their hands. I felt shy, but I had to help. I mustered the strength to speak.

"Hi," I said softly.

She looked up, hyperventilating for a moment until the tears stopped flowing.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No," she sobbed.

"Wanna talk about it?" I sat down across from them.

"Okay," she said, calmer now. "I don't know where to start."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"Zora. What's yours?"

I hesitated. I never liked my name, and always felt awkward introducing myself by it.

"I don't like my name," I confessed.

"Why not?" Zora asked.

"My parents gave it to me, but we hate each other, so I don't like going by the name they gave me." It felt awkward confessing that to a stranger, but good at the same time. It made me feel lighter.

"Hmmm--you could make up a new name," she suggested.

I nodded. I could have changed my name when I joined the Zhanti, but the thought had never occurred to me.

"Okay." I thought for a second. "I like 'Myra'."

I had read the name in a book and thought it sounded pretty.

"Okay, Myra." Zora smiled. "Also, I'm sorry about your parents. That's something we have in common. That's actually why I'm here. I was trying to get away from them."

"I ran away from my parents too, years ago. I think I was about thirteen at the time. I found other people to live with. They're better than my parents, but I still don't really like them."

She moved next to me and held my hand.

We stayed up until sunrise talking. I was nervous opening up about something that had gotten me ostracized by everyone I ever met except for one person, but I told Zora about her. Zora was sympathetic, and told me that she had the same sort of episodes when she was around her parents. I told her about my gender identity, and she was accepting; she didn’t tease me like the kids did at my old school. She even told me that she felt somewhat the same way about her gender, although she never minded being called a girl. We talked about our favorite books, and we told each other silly puns.

Around the time that dawn started creeping up on us, she laid her head on my shoulder and closed her eyes, still holding my hand. I studied our intertwined hands, with my dark skin contrasting against her light skin. A moment later, I closed my eyes too. As I drifted off into sleep, I thought, I just met her, and Zora’s already the best friend I’ve had in my life.

I awoke in what looked like the early afternoon. Zora was already awake, still sitting next to me.

“Hey,” I croaked, rubbing my eyes.

“Hey,” Zora said. She looked as if she was about to cry.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I don’t want to go back to my parents,” she sobbed.

“You don’t have to,” I said, hoping it would comfort her.

“Where would I go?” she asked dejectedly.

“You can come live with me and my tribe,” I offered. I thought about it for a minute and grew excited. “You really should, it’ll be great.”

She grinned.

“I’d love that!” She threw her arms around me. I grinned too. She moved her arms, cupping her hands around my face, and kissed me. She pulled away.

“Sorry,” she mumbled, looking nervous again. “Is it okay that I did that?”

I grinned and nodded.

“More than okay.”

“Awesome,” she said. “So how do we get back to your tribe?”

I told her that we had to swim across the lake, which led her to change her mind about coming with me. She couldn’t swim. I offered to teach her to swim, but she refused, too afraid to try.

“Maybe we shouldn’t go back there,” I said, resigned. “It’s probably for the best. Only one person in the entire tribe was decent to me, and he died. The rest of them are kind of assholes.”

“Then where would we go?” Zora asked.

“We’ll figure something out.” I thought for a moment. “Aren’t there shelters in the city?”

“I don’t want you to be homeless because of me,” she said, a disappointed look on her face. “You should go back to your tribe without me. I’ll figure out somewhere to go.”

“I don’t want to leave you,” I told her. She looked at me.

“I know this sounds crazy since we just met,” I continued, “but you’re already the best friend I’ve ever had. Probably my only friend, actually.”

Zora grinned again.

“You’re mine, too.” She hugged me again.

“We should get going,” I said, as I stood up and stretched.

“To where?” she inquired with a confused look on her face.

“To the city, so we can find a shelter.” I helped her up. “Show me the way. I’ve never been here before.”

We walked until we found roads and buildings. I hadn’t seen either of those things in years, and it was shocking to see them again. We went inside the buildings and asked about shelters, until one lady told us about a youth shelter she knew called Sanctum House, and even gave us directions. The walk was several miles, but I didn’t mind because I was so excited for this new life.

When we got to the shelter, the perky lady in charge asked us some intake questions, such as what led to us coming there. She said that the shelter could help find us jobs, so we could save up for an apartment. The offer seemed too good to be true, and my excitement grew more and more as we talked to them. She gave us toiletries and a fresh set of clothes and sent us to bed.

Zora and I weren’t able to room together, but we sat together at dinner, along with a few others. Their names were Zach, Brian, Dave, Lyla, and Brittany. They told us their stories too. Zach had recently aged out of the foster care system. He had a job, and was close to getting an apartment. Brian and Lyla were working on getting disability benefits. Dave had been to college briefly, but dropped out. Brittany had given birth as a teenager, and was trying to get back custody of her son. None of them had gotten along with their parents either, and we bonded over that. It felt so cathartic to vent to people who actually understood.

That night, I went to bed smiling for what felt like the first time in my life. I thought back to before I had run away and joined the Zhanti. I had lived in a literal mansion, but I had never felt safe there, because of her. I thought of something she once said to me.

“You put a pig in a palace and it doesn’t know the value.”

I never wanted a palace. I wanted safety and love. I valued those things above the size of my house and how much money my parents had. I had those things now. For the first time, I had a family.

I thought back to how I only met Zora and came here because I had climbed the tree. I rolled over in my bed and looked out the window, when something caught my eye. A dragonfly was perched on the windowsill. I decided then that that had to mean that dragonflies meant that good things were coming.

Ever since that night, I’ve always looked out for dragonflies, and I have never regretted following one.

By Mallika Kanneganti