Doomed

By Ashik

He walks through the street crossing tea stalls, street dogs, children’s park and cafés only to stop at a side street. He looks around trying to find out where he is but he couldn’t care less, he continues to walk. Its just his music and him against the world. He keeps changing songs because, he’s heard them all a million times and he’s growing numb. He keeps fidgeting with his phone and stops the music. He stands still in silence waiting to feel something within. The silence is growing heavy for him to handle and he’s fighting the urge to play music to fill the void. He swiftly opens all his social media apps. Doom scrolling could not last 2 mins and he’s still standing at the same spot. He clicks a picture and posts it online with a caption that says, “Should I move?”. He puts his phone back inside his pocket. Weirdly his mind thinks that he needs a purpose to put his foot forward. His favourite line from a movie or book he can’t recall runs inside his head, “Life has no meaning so make the most of it”. And that took him a few steps ahead and he stops again. He tells himself that he’s being dramatic for no reason but his mind is split between, “What’s the point ?” And “Why a point ?”. He wants to scream his lungs out but at the same time he has no energy to do so. The sun sets and it is becoming dark yet the inner quest for purpose has not come to halt. He has never been possessed by an immediate urge like this ever before.

He wants to figure out something that takes a whole lifetime before he could make his next step forward right then and there. He hates deep thoughts but at the same time couldn’t stop meddling with them. He longs for a simple mind but that longing makes him wonder if he thinks he’s above all. If so, what could quench such superiority complex’s thirst he ponders. Disgusted by his thought, he slaps himself and continues to stick to his initial dilemma. He checks his phone to see how long has gone by since he posted that picture and it has only been ten minutes. People walking past him start to notice him and he realises it. With every head that turns in his direction, the urge to solve the mystery weakens. And one woman stops to ask him if he is alright. Suddenly the urge becomes an obsolete thing to think about and his legs finally began to move and in no time he walked past all those people to another street and booked a bike cab to go home.

He wears the helmet and sits behind the driver as he confirms the OTP, the bike starts to move ahead. As the wind hits his face, he leans on the drivers back and realises that the fear of being judged is stronger than the fear of living without a purpose.

By Ashik