Doing It In Love

By Vanshika Gupta

When they screamed at you, slapped you in the face, broke things, even hit you with a broom and kicked you to the floor. They came down hard on you, my girl. Your world was crumbled into pieces, and a little of you was gone. My darling, remember then I taught you it’s a one-time thing, and this too will pass.

And then, and then my girl, you were at their mercy, again. You were begging, and they hit you even harder. Your lips were bleeding, and your limbs hurt. It was something trivial, which you don’t remember. But they were furious. And their fellow feeling gave you scars. Those scars to you were healed, but not the the scars on your heart. My darling, I urged you to close your mouth and to join your hands, to give them everything you have. Their ego crushed your self-esteem, even after knowing that every punch, every kick was like a stone shattering glass, yet they were your honour, I told you. But, my love, I should have warned you that all you will receive in return is a slap, a punch, a kick or a threat to be killed.

They called you a whore, bitch, liar and fat. They rubbed salt to your wounds and blamed you for it. They pulled out your fingernails and chopped off your big toe. No one ever found out. And if you’d stated otherwise, they’d have told everyone you're full of lies. Everyone would’ve believed them, our leaders would’ve remained silent, our people would’ve fought for the one who committed this, our temples would’ve reek of blood and rot. Because it's plain to see that you're the one who’s insane here, not they. My darling, I know this isn't loving. I know you were weak, yet I was unable to assist you. I should have taught you that this world is not meant for the generosities of you; innocence has no place here. Our words had no meaning in their red eyes. I should've warned you a long time ago that this world is built for the people like them. I should've starved you myself. You should've gotten used to the feel of my dupatta snatching away your breath. I should've taught you to bear the pain that comes with being stoned, comes with being you. My darling, I should've to hidden you behind myself since the day you were born, just as I stay hidden behind your father. It's safe that way. I swore. I can see the truth behind those scars, the mask to hide your soul.

No, why don't you listen to me? It feels as if I'm ordering you to speak with your tongue cut, it feels as if I'm asking you to swallow cement, I know it feels as if we're killing the light in you, but why don't you understand? These people can't see light. All they can see is fire. It's safe behind me, I promise. I've stayed hidden for years. I'm sorry, I didn't teach you that you are here to placate them, that you my child, will never be the person you were destined to be because they’ll scratch your magic from your bones, pull it from your spirit, and strangle it from your body. You will not become who you are because they will kill you long before you try and they’ll not regret it “because they could”, and it would be solely your fault. They’ll laugh while holding a knife to your throat. They’ll rape and bugger you.

They were the ones who were incapable of being human. But you loved them, and they promised to love you too. You tried to fight back but you never had a chance, their power was so strong that you were used to the attack. But you've been through enough, you’ve proven your strength this day, and now you’ve hacked you way out with a knife.

My soul, my life, my child, this was not the place for you. All the demons have converged on this place. I am sorry. I should've made you familiar with this when you were alive. Remember how I told you to go slowly and quietly encounter yourself on their thoughts because I was scared? Now, my beautiful girl, stay strong, and if they still catch you up there, set them on fire. Burn this world to the ground and let us know, heaven does not exist. Heaven does not exist...

“Monsters lurked behind closed doors, bitting, scratching, taking away all that make her, and yet, she didn’t rise against it. Because she has been trained to love no matter what.”



By Vanshika Gupta