Doesn't Matter

By Gaayathri Arasakumar

It was finally my turn,

To do what every other girl

Spends days and nights dreaming of,

Shopping for her wedding trousseau.

Pieces of nine yards of brilliance lay,

In heaps of soft silk that waited to 

Cover my skin on the one day,

The one day I never thought possible. 

Yet another piece was taken off the shelves,

Ready for me to nitpick or to be deemed worthy of being the most precious and significant wear 

Of my lifetime.

I ran my fingers down the threads,

The threads of gold and silk 

That had been spun magnificently 

Into the most stunning piece of cloth. 

Picking up the gorgeous silk, I turned around

To face the man without whom,

I would not have had the opportunity to 

Be a bride, a wife, a lover.

Inching towards him, I whispered into his ears 

Asking if he thought the piece sufficient

For our nuptials that were to be 

In the coming month. 

Just as he had the previous times, he nodded

With a big grin and a reassuring look,

Suggesting that this saree, too, was appropriate

For the most important day of our lives. 

With another exasperated look,

And a loud sigh, I put the heavy piece down

Before turning to face him 

With the one question that I had in mind.

How is everything I pick up 

Good enough for our wedding day?

Tell me which one triumphs the others 

So I may wear that.

Leaning further back against the wall,

He crossed his hands tightly across his chest,

The chest I could not wait to lean against 

For the rest of my life.

He looked me straight in

My eyes and spoke in a hushed tone,

So that no one may catch his words,

Just for my private consumption.

Does it really matter what prints cover 

Your saree? 

Is it important what coloured silks 

Were used to weave this piece of cloth? 

It matters not to me what saree 

You pick,

For you stun not just my eyes, 

But my heart. 

It does not matter which of these 

Precious silks you choose,

For the love I hold in my heart views you 

With a perpetual pair of rose-coloured glasses.

I pulled in a sharp breath,

For this man always uttered the words 

That made my heart flutter,

That made my soul blush. 

In that quick moment, 

I made a silent prayer of gratitude.

God, forgive me for ever doubting you,

For this man is more than I could have imagined.

Perhaps, it no longer mattered

That it took long, lonely, and painful thirty years for God to put this man in my path.

It no longer mattered, I thought with a sigh.

Whoever would have thought,

A man I made up in my dreams and visions 

Could have appeared in flesh,

For me to love, touch, and keep for eternity. 

It doesn’t matter what 

Choice of wedding saree you make,

For my biggest goal is not 

To enjoy looking at you wrapped in this silk. 

I looked quizzingly at the handsome face 

Of the man I had sworn to love for life. 

Raising my eyebrows,

I expressed my confusion at his words.

My love, it doesn’t matter what you wear

That night,

For whatever you adorn, I am waiting to peel away from you, for you to be bare.

My biggest goal is to get you to bare your body,

Just as you have bared your soul to me,

Just for you to understand that henceforth, 

I will love your body as I have loved your soul. 

By Gaayathri Arasakumar