Dear Phantom Lover

By Shrishti Bangera Kanekal

I’ve always known not to trust you,

your horrendous face, which imitated my own.

They said it was my reflection,

but I knew better━

eyes unblinking, smile lingering wrong,

something hidden behind a face that surely,

surely couldn’t be my own.

Even now, I always try to avoid your stare.

I keep mirrors closed and covered, blinding you away from me.

And yet, by what could be a hex,

you manage to find me,

in windows and spoons,

The dark gloss of a phone gone black.

You persist.

I slowly become weak to you.

At every dawn, I uncover the blinds,

you stand━

my doppelgänger,

my stalker, 

my haunting.

Your fingers rise a breath before mine,

but slower, always slower,

as if you are savoring the delay.

I should run.

I should smash the mirror,

scatter your body into a million sharp pieces,

pieces which will pierce me if I dare to touch.

Why do I lean closer?

Heart stuttering as your lips part half a second after mine.

You frighten me, do you realize?

You are my nightmare,

the being who learned my face.

But why?Why do I love the way you watch me?

The way your silence courses through me, the way your gaze stabs me.

You look at me in a way no one else can.

Perhaps one day,

you’ll stop pretending.

Perhaps one day,

my hand won’t hesitate away from yours.

Perhaps one day,

your smile won’t be an impersonation of mine.

The glass keeping your skin away from mine will crack,

and you shall sheep through.

And when it happens,

I shall let you approach me.

I fear you most,

but I crave you more.

By Shrishti Bangera Kanekal