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Crush - A Dream

By Varshini

Having Crush on a person is really a strange feeling! We know that this person is not going to like us or worse, wouldn’t even know that we exist! But still, we care about them, have feelings for them! Maybe that’s why they are called ‘Crush’!

Well here’s the story of an introvert girl who has a big crush on an introvert guy! Let me start this story from that girl’s point of view!

I have three friends with whom I’ll spend most of my time! We all belong to the same team, eat lunch together and spend our leisure times sitting on the lawn or at the canteen. Yes, the canteen, that’s where I saw him first! But I didn’t notice much of him at that time. I didn’t know that this person was going to be the ‘Crush’ part of my life at that time. Then I used to see him at the canteen often, and then daily. Mostly he used to sit alone, go through his mobile, play chess in his mobile(which I once noticed unintentionally).

I still do not know why he caught my eyes despite the large crowd at the canteen. To be frank, he isn’t so handsome! Maybe I felt sorry for him spending his time alone mostly since I’m an introvert and I even used to spend some time alone. So this became my curiosity. I just wanted to know him.

Finally, I came to know his name! Thanks to Google, you can find everything about a person when you just type their name.

My thoughts after the search: “Wow, he takes good pictures, might be a photographer. He writes blogs too. He even likes cricket just like me!!!”

Now, after gathering a lot of courage, I sent him a facebook request, not sure whether he will accept it or not! And I won’t be surprised if he doesn’t accept it, since he doesn’t know me! Days passed, and he didn't accept my request. I lost hope. “Yeah, who’s gonna accept a stranger’s request?!”

Few days later, early in the morning, I got a notification from FB. With eyes barely open, I looked into it. My hands trembled with excitement. “Maybe this is a dream, am I dreaming?” was my thought. I again squeezed my eyes to see that notification. He accepted my request. “Wow, what just happened?!” I was not dreaming and it was real. I jumped out of my bed in joy! I really wanted to message him immediately, but was a little hesitant. What if he doesn’t reply to me?! Maybe I should just ask my friends for help.

My friends were so excited like me. They wanted me to message him immediately, but we didn’t know what to message. I don’t want to be awkward before him. There were many suggestions on the first message.

Friend1: “You need to start with a simple ‘Hello’”

Friend2: “That's so old yaar. Maybe you should try something different, so that he gets impressed immediately.”

Friend3: “What if you start with, ‘Hi, do you know me?’”

Friend1: “Oh god, you are the one who sends a message first and you want to ask him about you? Grow up guys!”

Friend2: “Maybe you should just be frank like ‘We work in same office and I would like to know more about you.’”

Friend3: “That sounds so needy yaar. You don’t want him to think about you like that. It would be best if he thinks that you are friendly with everyone and lovable.”

Me: “I’m just going to start with ‘Hi’. If he replies, then we’ll think what to reply next.”

After a lot of thinking, I replied ‘Hi’. No reply. Two days passed. Three days passed. No reply. Once again I lost my hope. “Maybe it was a bad idea to message him”, I thought.

One week later, the moment came! He finally replied to me!!!

He: “Hi”

Me: “Have you seen me in the office?” (Oh god! Who asks such a weird question?! Silly me! *Facepalm*)

He: “Yeah I’ve seen you a few times in the canteen” (Wow he noticed me! *Jumps in joy*)

Me: “Me too! I’ve seen you in the canteen. Have you been to Coimbatore?” (Again yet another silly one)

He: “Nope”

Me: “I’m from Coimbatore, and I feel like I’ve seen you before. That’s why I messaged you!” (So cliché yaar, you could do better!)

He: “I’m from Madurai, and I haven’t seen you before”

Me: “You look like my friend who’s from Coimbatore” (Now you look so needy *Facepalm*)

He: “I am not him”. (Great, you made him irritated, let’s divert this topic)

Me: “So where are you staying here?”

No reply. I waited and waited. I just made him feel uncomfortable! What can I do, I just wanted to make a prolonged conversation, but it failed!

Few days later, I saw him in the canteen! I wanted to wave hi at him but he didn’t look at me. So I messaged him “Hi”. As usual, he was looking into his mobile, but no reply. Then after a few minutes, he walked away. I felt so sad! I just shut myself down that whole day, thinking about how to make it right. Next day, I saw him in the canteen again. I messaged him “Hi” as usual, but no reply. This went on for one week. I felt so disappointed.

One day, I even sent him a message like “Hey I saw you today at the canteen”, but still no reply. I was absolutely devastated! “Where did I go wrong? Was I so desperate? Did I look so needy to him? Or did he take everything the wrong way? I just wanted to be friends with him, not more than that. But why is he not replying? Maybe he doesn’t like me?” 1000's of thoughts were running inside me. Then I decided, “Fine, let’s give him some space. I don’t want to look so desperate for his friendship!” Then for a few days, I didn’t message him. I didn’t even look at him when he was there. I just wanted to ignore him, forget him and move on. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. The more I moved away, the more disappointment was built inside me.

One day, this disappointment turned into anger. I just wanted to ask him everything that was on my mind. I just typed, “Why are you not messaging me? I just wanted to be friendly and I really don’t have any other intentions on you. If I’ve ever disturbed you or hurted you, I’m so sorry” and hit send. Few minutes later, I got a message from him.

He: “Hey chill. I saw your message but I forgot to reply to you. Sorry!”

I was like, “What kind of excuse is this? How can someone forget to reply as soon as they see the message?”. But I just kept that to myself and then said, “It's okay. No problem”. I didn’t know what else to say, since I really couldn’t buy his reasons, it sounds silly.

Next day, as usual, I messaged him “Hi”. Again no reply. Now that was the last message I sent him till now. It’s really difficult for me to just see that person without expressing my feelings. That was the main reason I wanted to message him and be friends with him. Unfortunately, he didn’t want to. And you can’t force anyone to be friends with you.

Just to control myself from messaging him again, I unfriended him on FB. Even now I see him occasionally, but I just avoid his contact. Believe me, it’s really difficult!

By Varshini

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