Conversation

By Sameerah Nisha Sultana

He came into my life after my mother left me that night. It happened so fast. She was gone, and it built a big hole in my heart you know..."

I look at the ground and shake my head trying to clear something away from my mind.

"She was gone, but then he was there and it got all out of hand. I used all the ways to cover that aching hole in me. Have you ever done that? Used alcohol or ice-cream to fill in something you don't want to feel? Oh sorry! Obviously, you'll not know about it. But that's what I did but on an extreme level. I couldn't handle losing my mother. But then he was there, like a band-aid."

"Things were going good between us until they weren't, when... when last summer I had a breakdown and he decided to take a leave from our relationship because he thought I need some "me-time" to accept my mother's loss. I don't blame him for leaving me. He was right. I was a wreck at that time. I haven't experienced the feeling of loss cause all this time I tried to avoid it. So I took my time and let myself feel her loss. And, gradually, the loss of my mother became a dull ache of a sharp sorrow."

"But when I went back to him, it was too late. He started a new life, a new job and a new family. I understood. So, I came back home and made myself feel another loss. I understood, I understood the true meaning of 'pain'. Pain, the most beautiful and powerful feeling, and it helped me to grow."

I smile and angle my head to catch the full light of the sun on my face as the morning fog begins to dissipate, and excitement filling the air, thick as marmalade, I sit outside my house in the meadow surrounded with golden daffodils and white tulips enjoying the morning scene. The morning breeze sways off the flower petals as their scent wafts in the air. I look down at my shoulder, holding my 6 months old daughter as she rests her head on my chest and shoulder, curling her tiny fingers around my finger.

"I wasn't ready to have you, but I guess sometimes the choices we're not prepared for are the best choices that we'll ever make. You fit into my life better than anyone I've ever met. You my sweet little girl, will always be loved and cared. I'm going to be here for you every step of the way. I promise you, and to myself that you'd not grow up like I did. Mumma will love and protect you always and forever."

THE END

By Sameerah Nisha Sultana