Carnaby Street, London

By Saransh Baranwal

It was that day in November when everyone was a little more cautious with the way they dressed. That day, everyone had dorn an extra layer of warm clothes than the usual cold days. Thomas, a 27-year-old man with a stocky build of a rugby player, was standing on the balcony of a rented apartment on the 16th floor of a 22-storeyed building.

While sipping his steaming cup of coffee, his eyes were navigating through the buzzing streets of his neighbourhood. He wondered if he was oblivious to some kind of energy drink that people possessed; because if not, then it was next to impossible for him to find even a single drop of sense behind people stepping out of their houses on a Sunday, and that too in winters.

Momentarily, his smartphone rang. It was a reminder set by him to work on his unfinished presentations that were needed by his Boss for a meeting the next day. Though he was too much of a sloth to get the task done, since he was on the waiting list for a promotion, he didn’t want to be one of the bad apples in his superior’s eyes.

He immediately walked into his hall, shut the sliding glass doors behind and sat on his lilac couch to get on with his work. While he was typing on his laptop’s keyboard, his eyes wandered off the screen and locked themselves on the 14th floor of a 24-storeyed building on the opposite lane. The greenish-blue curtains of that apartment were the only section that was visible to Thomas, which prompted him to name that place- The Ocean! Two or maybe three times a year, its owner visited that apartment to check on that vacant place. During those visits, the curtains would be drawn open and that uninhabited residence would let Thomas into the fascination that the 27-year-old had built around it.

While his obsessed head was getting pulled towards The Ocean, its curtains were drawn open by the owner, that Sunday. On that visit, he was accompanied by an elderly couple, which took Thomas by sudden surprise. He stood from his couch and began gazing out of the huge glass door, guarding his balcony. He noticed that the owner was showing the elderly couple around, who he assumed to be in their 70s. He kept watching across the lane with a tinge of agitation, until the owner, along with the couple, left the house with smiles on their respective faces.

He once again sat down on his couch and began drinking his coffee. It was just a matter of a few minutes before he was deeply immersed in his thoughts. Since the time he had moved into his apartment, three years ago; he had developed a habit of gazing at those greenish-blue curtains for hours. Whether he was feeling stressed, sad or happy; looking at those curtains would almost always transform those feelings into an unimaginable soothing experience. He would always compare that serene state with the calmness of the breeze that comes hurling from the ocean.

The extent of tranquillity could be assessed by the fact that he was able to write five-and-a-half songs and even managed to compose music for three of them. His guitar skills came in handy, only after moving into the apartment opposite The Ocean. But after becoming mindful of the fact that someone would come in and make that apartment their home, sent disturbing ripples in his rather calm river of mind.

Soon, Tuesday arrived and he came back home at 11.00 p.m. It was one of the busiest days at work. There were nonstop meetings with clients, loads of files and an abundance of caffeine intake. So, to calm down his nerves, he drew his curtains open to look at The Ocean, but he met with utter disappointment when he found out that the elderly couple were already setting up the house. His mood, which was already in a grey area, instantaneously leaped into the dark region.

But the inquisitiveness to see how those new residents would arrange the apartment he was so invested in, led him to amass the residual strength to prepare his dinner quickly and then sit back on his couch, followed by staring at The Ocean. Once he was done cooking his meal, he rolled the two curtains towards each other, leaving behind a little space between them. That small room between those curtains provided him with an adequate field of view to keep looking at the opposite apartment, while successfully preventing the creepiness from seeping into the new residents of The Ocean. That small gap shielded that old couple from getting to know a stranger, who soaked in the pleasure of watching them setting up their own house. But that gazing section of the night soon came to an end for Thomas and he went to sleep, out of extreme exhaustion.

That month of November passed by, as fast as a gazelle being chased by a leopard. Thomas’s daily routine didn't turn upside down with the arrival of that elderly couple. He hardly managed to find some time to take a sneak peek at the opposite apartment, as he was too occupied with the work at his office. But amidst the swamp of files and client meetings, one thought kept lingering inside his head- what would happen, when he would finally have the time to realise that some strangers were residing in the place, that he had spent hours thinking out! How would he be able to compose songs, knowing that someone inhabited his inspiration? It was that empty house, which gave wings to his creative songwriting. All of his creations had remnants of some imaginary but joyful incidents taking place in that apartment. He might have never visited down there, but he had efficiently managed to create music that would enigmatically propel the listeners into believing that The Ocean was a dream house to live in!

All of those thoughts began to grow like a creeper when Christmas arrived. There was no office for another week, and it was his first Christmas away from his parents. To sway away the settling boredom, he invited some of his colleagues to his apartment for a Christmas party. The booze and some chatting helped him send those unsettling thoughts to the hind side of his brain.

Later in the party, he played some of his songs, to which everyone cheered and danced. But what caught his attention was the old couple in The Ocean dancing hand-in-hand to some music, which was being played on an antique Gramophone. Until that very moment, he had imagined the couple to be as dry as dust and to be way less romantic than they were, while dancing. His preconception of the couple turning out to be a stain on the lustrous apartment, took a major blow when those cute but graceful dance moves took over his senses.

And that altered perception of the old couple grew stronger day by day when he encountered them doing all the romantic things that he thought they might never do. They had candlelight dinners together, they danced to their favourite songs together, they cooked together, they watched TV together and that too, under the warmth of a single blanket. He managed to notice all of this from the comfort of his apartment, as the old couple never bothered to shut down their curtains, except during the night when they slept. This was unusual and a little weird for Thomas, but he never actually cared for an answer, because the strange behaviour of the elderly couple gave him absolute freedom to look at The Ocean, without putting in the extra effort.

Soon, a year went by. Thomas became habitual of watching the old couple on a daily basis. He had even bought a pair of binoculars to sometimes look at The Ocean, with better visibility. He knew that it was creepy, but he never really bothered about it, since he found no behavioural change in the old couple. He thus gradually became fond of them and had developed a special spot for that 'sweet and romantic old couple of The Ocean' in his heart.

In the meantime, he got promoted as well and also got romantically involved with his old school friend, Tanya, whom he met during a marathon, at the beginning of the year. Everything was finally falling into place for him. He was content with his newfound life and thus slowly began detaching from the constant need to look out at The Ocean.

Another six months passed by, and by then, he was just seldomly glancing at The Ocean, twice a month. But somewhere deep down, he used to root for the older couple and always wished well for them. One night, when he was watching his favourite sitcom- F.R.I.E.N.D.S, while sitting on his couch, he looked at the opposite apartment. But before he could turn his eyes back to his laptop’s screen, he noticed something unusual- the old man was coughing out blood. He brought out his binoculars to get a better look at The Ocean, and what he noticed were some blood-soaked napkins lying on the floor of the bedroom.

That abrupt view sent some chills down his spine. He couldn't comprehend what his eyes just saw and in that aggravated situation, he made a call to his girlfriend. But sadly, she wasn't available on the receiving end. Before he could figure out his next move, the old lady shut down the curtains and switched off the lights. This escalated his concern for the older couple, but not being able to figure out what to do next, made him furious about his incompetent approach to that situation. He lay down on his couch, with random scenarios about that older couple, hopping like a rabbit in his head. A moment arrived, when his head began hurting due to all the overthinking, so he closed his eyes and gradually let sleep take over his bursting head.

The next morning when he woke up, he saw innumerable missed calls from his girlfriend. He called her back instantaneously, out of sheer perplexity. But it wasn’t Tanya who picked up the call; it was her best friend. And what set his alarm level at the highest tier, was the tone of her voice. He began panicking. He queried about the whereabouts of his girlfriend, but what he kept hearing from the other side was, “Come to Wales. She is fine. But you need to come!” Without even giving it a second thought, he packed his bags and decided to drive to Tanya’s best friend’s house in Wales. He was in such a state of hurry, that he didn’t even bother to look at The Ocean. He was out in his car, in no time.

Two days later, Thomas came back to his London house, with an engagement ring shining brightly on his finger! He was still in awe of what his girlfriend did, over the course of two days. She meticulously planned and called her boyfriend, as well as his parents to Wales, without letting them know about each other’s arrival. Meeting his parents at the most unexpected location was the very first surprise for Thomas. Then what came next was meeting his girlfriend’s parents at the same location. At that moment, he was kind of getting to terms with what was going to happen. And then, it happened- Tanya went on her knees and asked Thomas if he would marry her! Tears began brimming up on the edge of his eyes. It was unanticipated, but a heavenly experience for him!

Obviously, he said yes, but what took everyone present there by surprise, was his next move. He took out his wallet and from one of its pockets appeared a diamond ring, the size of his girlfriend’s finger. It was then when that moment felt complete. It was then that they finally ended up kissing each other!

While Thomas was still engrossed with his dreamy proposal, his eyes unconsciously wandered off to the sight of The Ocean. He noticed that the old lady was lying on the bed, unaccompanied. He suddenly remembered the upsetting view of the old man coughing out some blood. But before he could even move on to his next thought, his doorbell rang. It was Tanya at the door.

Within a week, there were boxes with Tanya’s name written over them, lying all over the floor of his house. The couple had mutually decided to start living together since they were already engaged. Now, Thomas’s days belonged to his workplace and his nights and weekends belonged to his beloved fiancé. He was living his dream, and in those dreams, The Ocean couldn’t find a large spot to fit in.

He knew for a fact that the old man was no longer a resident of The Ocean, but out of the utter need to protect his sanity from thinking the worst for the old couple, he successfully led himself into believing that the old man might be in the hospital getting some treatment for his blood coughing condition. Whenever his head tried to delve into a dark spiral, he would skilfully pull it out and enclose it in the cage of the reality he wanted to believe in.

The following weekend, he had to board a flight to Paris for his business trip. Before leaving his apartment for the airport, he looked out at The Ocean and saw the old lady setting up a plaque of the old man on the top of a cabinet and later lighting some candles in front of it. His worst nightmare suddenly became a daunting reality; the reality he had been walking away from, since the very beginning! He wanted to go to that old lady’s apartment and hug her out. He wanted to finally let her know that for all this time, he was watching them dance, having dinner and whatnot, but he couldn’t. Being late for the airport was just a convenient cover-up for his inability to face the old lady and come to terms with the gritty truth!

Two days later, at noon, he rang the doorbell of his house in London. Tanya answered the door and immediately hugged her fiancé, out of sheer joy. But Thomas hugged her back as if he was in some hurry to get done with that embrace! He immediately walked up to the glass door of his balcony and drew the curtains open. He saw the old lady lying on the couch, showing no movements. The first thought that struck his head was that she might be in deep sleep. But deep down he knew that this might not be true. He wanted to give up on that gloomy thought, but this time around, he didn’t.

He ran downstairs and then into the opposite building. He requested the guard of the building to unlock the apartment on the 14th floor. After some insisting, the guard agreed to do so. The moment he entered the apartment, he checked on the old lady. There was no pulse, no breathing and no movements. She was dead!

He froze then and there. He could neither believe his eyes, for what they just saw nor his hands, for what they just felt. He went into sudden denial of his senses. But then a diary lying beside the old lady caught his sight. This time, instead of denying his sense of vision, he believed what he saw and took the hold of that diary. He saw ‘Helen’ engraved over the cover page of that diary and before he could open it, he was interrupted by the guard of the building, who was more concerned with what to do about the dead old lady.

Thomas then stood up and tried to find a mobile phone. He stumbled upon an old Nokia phone lying on the bed, which he thought probably belonged to the old lady. He looked up the contact list of that phone and to his surprise, there were only two contacts saved. One was that of the owner of the house and the other was saved as ‘Son.’ He dialled the second contact number and the moment he did that, the sound of another phone ringing in the house hit his ears. He was startled, but he kept calling on that number, until he located that sound coming from one of the drawers of a small cabinet, beside the bed. He found an old iPhone in that drawer. He pressed the power button of that phone and saw a wallpaper of a man, who appeared to be in his 40s, dressed in the uniform of British Police on the lock screen. He also noticed ‘Tyler’s iPhone’ being displayed on the top left corner of the screen.

He easily unlocked the phone, as there was no passcode set. The Home Screen wallpaper was that of the old lady and old man dancing together, near a fireplace of a house. He then went through the photo gallery of the phone and saw multiple pictures of Tyler in his uniform. But then, there were no photos after one point. He then opened the call logs and saw 200 missed calls from a contact saved as ‘Mom.’ The latest was five minutes ago. His hands began shivering, not due to cold, but out of utter shock. He sat down on a corner of the bed and kept gazing at the screen. Then, a drop of tears fell on the mobile screen. He couldn’t fathom the loneliness that had existed in the residents of The Ocean.

While tears were welling up in his eyes, he scrolled through the contact list and found a contact saved as ‘Buddy.’ He then rubbed his eyes with his fingers, and got rid of the tears. He then called that number but no one answered. He then tried three times more, but still didn’t get any response. He then took out his smartphone and dialled that number from his phone. After two rings, someone with a husky voice said, “Hello!”

“Is this Tyler’s buddy speaking?” Asked Thomas.

The person from the other side said, “Who’s this?”

Thomas then narrated the whole situation. The guy from the other side then said, “Oh, that is so sad! May their souls rest in peace.” He then took a brief pause and said, “When I received calls from Tyler’s phone, I got confused as well as scared. How could a person who is no longer in this world, make a call?”

“Tyler is no more?” Thomas asked with his voice cracking.

“He left us two years back. I was his partner in London Police. One day, we were chasing some local gang members in one of the shady areas of London. Then, out of nowhere a man appeared and stabbed Tyler to death. It was horrendous.”

“Oh.” Thomas almost lost his voice.

“It’s so sad. No one from his family survived!”

Thomas gathered some of his residual strength to ask his next question, “Tyler didn’t marry?”

“No, he didn’t. His parents kept asking him to marry someone, but he decided not to. No reasons given.”

“Oh.”

“So, have you planned for her funeral?”

“No,” Thomas said, with a lump in his throat.

“Okay. You send me the address. I will arrange everything.”

The moment he hung up the call, he began crying out loud. Tears that had welled up in his eyes began rolling down his cheeks, in a stream. Tanya then appeared in that bedroom and saw her partner cry like a toddler. She sat beside him and rested his head on her shoulder. Thomas then wrapped her in his arms, and this was the moment when his cry became uncontrollable. Tanya, being clueless, was just patting and rubbing his back, to provide him with some comfort. She had never seen her partner in that state before.

Once Thomas got back in control of his emotional state, he stood up and walked towards Helen. He glanced at her and then held that diary and went straight to the balcony. In between, he informed her fiancé about the funeral arrangements, so that she could go and talk to the guard of the building.

On the very first page he opened, he saw this written- "To the guy, in the opposite apartment or 'The Binoculars guy' as I and John referred to you."

This opening note took him by storm. He immediately flipped to the next page and saw this-

Dear Binoculars guy,

First of all, you creeped us out during our initial days in this apartment. We almost called the police, but didn't do so and I still don't know why!

Anyway, we knew that you didn't know, that we knew you were watching us! You see the wordplay I just did there. Well, it's inspired by F.R.I.E.N.D.S., which is our favourite show!

So Binoculars guy, once we settled down on the fact that you didn't mean any harm to us and you were just fond of looking at us, then we kind of cooled down and went back to our happy place.

And this assurance was established the day you held a party at your home and spent almost an hour looking at us dancing. That night, we knew you were rooting for us; you were happy for us!

Son, as an old couple with no one to look out for us in this huge unknown city, it was nice to find someone, who constantly kept an eye on us, that too literally! We made ourselves believe that you were looking at us with good intent. Call this our naivety or whatever, but we believed that, because it provided us with a sense of safety and warmth, during our old days.

We had a son, but he couldn’t stay with us for long. He was a good son. And I hope, just like him, you turn out to be a good son to your parents too.

I was never into writing stuff but when John left my side, I didn’t have anything better to do. My son had gifted me this diary with my name engraved on the front, on my 70th birthday. So, I finally found a reason to use it. And by my handwriting, you might have already understood that I am struggling with holding a pen. I feel very weak. I feel alone!

By the way, I saw a girl in your apartment. I had seen her many more times in the past, but this time around, I saw some brown boxes lying on the floor. I believe she moved in with you. She is gorgeous. God bless you and your partner, son!

Now, let me tell you something- One day, John coughed out some blood. I was terrified. And when his reports came, my stress shot up the roof. He was diagnosed with Lung Cancer. The Doctors told us to admit him to the hospital for treatment, but he insisted on staying back at home, with his sweetheart. He even refused to take the treatment. He was aware of what those cancer drugs do to a person. He didn’t want to go through all of that.

You would think how could I let that happen, but I don’t know why I got on board with his decision almost immediately. Maybe I knew he was about to go and I wanted him to go in peace. Maybe!

But to tell you, he would sleep almost all day long, but whenever he would see your apartment’s lights turning on at night, he would stand on his feet and get a bit active. He told me that he wanted to let you know that he was doing okay. He wanted to meet you, but sadly that never happened.

By this paragraph, Thomas’s vision blurred due to the tears that had accumulated in his eyes. A few drops of them even fell on the page of the diary. He somehow managed to clear those tears with the palm of his hand, and continued reading.

One day, he calmly made me sit beside him and said, "Darling, I have lived long enough. And the only reason that I am saying so, is because you made every day a worthy experience. And for that, I will always be grateful. But now, I feel weak at my feet and just can't be a burden for you, anymore. You have grown old too. Well, not for me; actually, never for me, but still!"

He went on and on like this, for almost an hour. We both had tears in our eyes by the end of it. I had never thought that I would be hearing this from him. And then, that very evening, he met with the ultimate destiny of a human being- the inevitable Death!

The tears that were held behind the barrage suddenly broke its walls and fled down his cheeks, as a waterfall. He closed the diary and brought out his handkerchief to soak in the pool of tears. Reading those lines was like an arrow piercing through his chest. It was devastating; it was soul-crushing!

He flipped through the rest of the pages and saw only a few of them had something written over. He managed to barely fix the broken walls of the barrage and dived into the remaining pages.

Son, that night, I gathered the very last drop of strength that was left in me, to visit you at your apartment. I had come with high hopes at your door. But you weren't there. I found a note on the door, which said 'In Wales. If you must, then call me on my number!' Since then, I just lie in bed all day. And to pass time, I make entries in this diary and cook some food.

One day, I even placed a framed photograph of my husband in clear sight of your apartment. I had some hope left. I thought you might notice it and give me a visit. But that never happened, and that was the last time I had hopes in my life.

I waited for you to visit us one day; just one day, but that never happened. I don't know why, but it never did. And that makes me very sad. John was even sadder. You were the only one, who we could rely on, during our last days. But no issues! Maybe it was not meant for us to meet in this lifetime.

Son, I feel very weak in my hands today. I think it's my time too! Thank you for being there as a son, when we were grieving the loss of our son; our Tyler. Thank you for looking out for an old couple, who you never met or knew. And thank you, for making us feel at home! I wish I had met you! And oh dear, will we miss you!

~Your Helen

The tears were at the edge of his eyes, but he tried his best to hold them up. He closed the diary and walked off the balcony, straight to Helen. He sat beside her. Tanya had entered the hall too. He held her cold, wrinkled hand in his palms and said, “I am sorry!” And then he let go of the tears that he was tightly holding in. He began hyperventilating and bubbles from his nose kept growing larger & smaller, in intervals. His eyes had turned red and his cheeks were drenched in tears, that were continuously flowing down his cheeks. He was inconsolable. The pain; the regret, had started beating his chest to an extent that it had started hurting him literally.

He somehow sailed through all of that and then looked at Helen, while still sobbing, and said, “I wanted to come. I came. But it was too late. It’s my fault and I will have to live with this guilt, all my life. I am sorry!” By then, it had become so exhausting for his body to keep up with all the crying, that he wanted to lie down. But the mess in his head didn’t let him do that.

The funeral was then performed and was attended by Thomas, his wife, Tyler’s friend and the owner. At night, Thomas stood on his balcony, looking over The Ocean. He was joined by Tanya, who stood beside him holding his hand. Thomas then said, “You know, I used to write songs, with that apartment as my inspiration. Then, Helen and John came and made that place their home. After that, I never wrote a song.”

Tanya asked softly, “Why?”

“I don’t know actually. I think I wrote those songs about that empty apartment because I never knew what it would be like to live there. The fascination was the root of my imagination. But when they arrived, it got real. I could see how that apartment treated its residents. And I believe, none of my songs ever had the essence of what I saw in reality. I saw a fairy tale love playing before my eyes. And I don’t think so, my writings could ever do justice to the bond they had. It’s rare; it’s gold!”

By Saransh Baranwal