Book Club

By Aaditya Modi

Raj could never decide whether the light in the dining hall cum kitchen cum living room was too harsh or too dull. Certainly it felt too harsh whenever he was just lounging about with his roommate but it was too dull when he wanted to read or really, do anything other than lounge around. 

Raza’s views on the light were much clearer. It was far too harsh. Then again, he did spend a majority of his day lounging around until recently.

The two of them stood around their dining table which was an arm’s length away from their kitchen – that is, if a microwave on an elevated surface is enough to christen a portion of one’s home as a kitchen – waiting for the pizza they had just ordered to arrive. Many times, Raj and Raza had been told that making food on your own is much cheaper than ordering out every meal. However, the people who said that never had a generous benefactor in the form of Raza’s sister.

“Are you seriously trying to convince me that Jane Austen is not a good writer?” Raj asked Raza.

“No, it’s not a question of good or bad writing, I’m just saying that she popularised all the tropes and gimmicks that I hate in modern romance literature. I mean, if I have to read another book about a girl falling in love with a bad boy with a heart of gold, I’ll gouge my eyes out,” Raza replied.

“Well, you don’t have to read them. I don’t recall anyone putting a gun at your temple and telling you to read ‘E Equals Love Squared’”

“You may as well have,” Raza took a small sip of his water, closing his eyes and pretending it was beer.

“How?”

“You said ‘I’m reading this really cute book, do you want to borrow it?’”

“And that is the same as putting a gun to your temple?”

“Precisely,”

“You’re just pretentious,”

“Oh, I’m sorry, is it pretentious to want to read books where I feel like the author actually put in some effort instead of a beat for beat rip off of Pride and Prejudice?” Raza looked offended.

“Yes,”

“To each their own, I suppose,”

The doorbell rang and Raj walked over to open the door, hoping it was the pizza. Instead it was their neighbor and landlord, Ramaswamy with beer.

“If you make me read a book like that again, I’ll terminate your lease and that’s a promise,” He said, pushing past Raj and making his way over to the table where Raza was waiting for the beer.

“Charming as ever,” Raj mumbled before joining Ramaswamy and Raza.

“I mean, what a ridiculous premise! Falling in love while pursuing engineering. If God wanted engineers to fall in love, he would have made them doctors,” Ramaswamy continued his tirade.

“Didn’t you say you met your wife in an IIT?” Raj asked

“Your point?”

“Nothing,”

Raza took a sip of the beer.

“This is flat. And warm. And frankly, not very good,” He stated, matter-of-factly.

“Oh, does it not please Your Majesty? Why don’t you try and tell my wife that the fridge is meant for beer and not flowers,”

“Why are there flowers in your fridge?” Raj asked.

“I don’t know,”

“Well, I’m calling my sister and telling her to get beer that actually tastes good,” Raza said.

“How does someone living in this matchbox have such expensive taste, it makes no sense,”

As Raza walked off to call his sister, the doorbell rang again. Raj went to open the door once more. This time, it was the pizza delivery. Without having to be asked, Ramaswamy walked up to the door and paid the delivery man before collecting the pizzas and placing them on the table.

“Why do you think pizza got so famous all around the world?” Raj asked.

“I don’t know but I’m sure Raza has some unnecessarily detailed answer,” Ramaswamy replied. “Speaking of, how do you live with him?”

“What do you mean?” Raj started opening up the topmost carton of pizza. “I like the guy in small doses but I think I would shoot myself if I had to live with him. I know for a fact he barely contributes to the rent and I doubt that he contributes anything to any other essential service. You’d probably have a lower cost of living if you lived alone. You’d save on food, electricity and water,”

“You know, I almost forget that you’re a bloodsucking leech until you say things like that,”

“Oh god, this again. Look, I provide people with a place to live,”

“No, you charge people for a something they absolutely need to survive,”

As the tension started to heighten, Raza walked back into the room. “Ramizah is on her way with the beers,” He announced.

By the time Ramizah joined the trio and made it a quartet, the conversation had once again reached the topic of pizza.

“I’ll tell you why they’re so popular. They’re cheap, easy to make, versatile and customizable,” Raza declared proudly.

“So is roti!” Ramaswamy argued.

“Roti is bread! Are you going to try and convince me that bread isn’t popular?!”

“Pizza is bread too!”

“No, it isn’t, you complete waste of human flesh! It’s bread with toppings!”

“So is roti! I dare you, nay, I double dare you to have a roti without some kind of vegetable or meat!”

“That doesn’t even make sense!”

“Why did you invite me to this again?” Ramizah asked Raj.

“I don’t even remember anymore,” Raj replied. “How’d you like the book though?”“I thought it was actually quite cute. I mean, it’s not exactly Shakespeare but not everything has to be Shakespeare,”

“Wait, you actually liked it?”

“Yes, I think the two main characters really worked well together. And I’m always a sucker for when the girl falls for her brother’s best friend,” Ramizah looked at Raj expectantly.

“Huh, I didn’t know that about you,”

“Yeah… The way the main characters met also reminds me of how we met, no?”

“We didn’t go to engineering school,”Ramizah wondered how exactly someone could be so dense.

“Yes, but we met in college and I was a year ahead of you,” Ramizah continued. “And at first we didn’t get along… Do you see where I’m going with this?”“Oh, I guess it is kind of similar,”

“Listen here, Ramaswamy, you won’t know how and you won’t know when but I will have my revenge. That is a promise,” Raza shouted at his landlord.

“Oh really? How will you fund the revenge? Will it be sponsored by Raj or Ramizah? Or maybe it’ll be the Italian government since you love their food so much!” Ramaswamy replied with as much intensity.

“Are you sure getting them beer was a good idea?” Ramizah asked Raj.

“Yeah, it usually calms them both down,” Raj replied.

He was right too. Four cans in and Ramaswamy, along with Raza started to talk about how the former would run away from his failing clinic and marriage to open an Indian restaurant in Taiwan. Raza replied by promising to join him in this endeavor. The two of them were lying on the floor just away from the table at which Ramizah and Raj were standing.

“And that is why I don’t drink,” Raj said.

“So you don’t lose control of yourself?” Ramizah asked.

“No, so I don’t accidentally enjoy a landlord’s company,”

Ramizah laughed.

“He is right though, about my brother. Your cost of living would go down by a lot if you just… Stopped supporting him,”

“Really? And who paid Ramaswamy back for our pizzas tonight?” Raj asked, stuffing his face with a slice of plain cheese as he spoke.

“That’s because I don’t want you to go broke supporting him,”“That’s still paying his half, just indirectly,” 

“You want me to stop?”“That’s not what I’m saying. I’m just saying that he is a nice guy and he’s trying. He even has a job now,”

“And I’m not saying you shouldn’t help him, I’m just saying no one would have blamed you for losing your patience with him,” Ramizah had a slice of the same pizza.

“No one blamed anyone for losing patience with him, that’s why we are where we are. No one blamed the mosque for alienating him, his parents for not understanding him or his friends for abandoning him when he needed them most,”

“I’m glad you’re in his life, you know that?”“It’s not like he doesn’t bring value to mine,”“Just take the compliment, why don’t you?”

“Alright, alright,”

After what seemed like only ten minutes, all the pizza boxes and beer cans were empty. Raza and Ramaswamy had passed out on the floor while Ramizah and Raj continued talking.

“I really don’t remember any of this happening,” Raj said in response to a story involving his friends in college that Ramizah seemed to know better than he did.

“Nonsense, there is no way you forgot any of this,” Ramizah replied.

“I’m being serious,”

“You really don’t remember Serena and Chiran’s breakup?”

“Honest to God, I do not. There was just so much relationship drama back then that I thought it was better to just stay out of it,”

“And what about now?”“What about now?”

“Still keeping your nose out of relationships?”“I mean, I can hardly get into a relationship now, can I? Who would want to come home to this?” Raj gestured towards the tiny house with only two rooms including just one bedroom which he shared with Raza.

“I mean, no one’s saying you have to marry the person,”

“Dating for anything other than marriage is just setting yourself up for heartbreak and wasting your time,”“Well, what if there was someone who didn’t mind the home and was also looking to date for marriage?”“I don’t know, I’m not great with new people,”“That’s the best part, you’ve known her for years,”“Well, once she crosses over into the real world, I’ll be sure to ask her out,”

Ramizah stares at Raj, dumbfounded. 

“Wait, are you talking about yourself?” Raj asked, suddenly getting an epiphany.

Ramizah took a deep breath, inhaling through her nose before exhaling through her mouth. 

“Yes,” She replied, avoiding any eye contact.

“Oh,”

“It’s alright, you don’t have to-”“No, I want to,”

“Huh?”“Would you like to go out with me?”

By Aaditya Modi