Being lost in the dark abyss

By Reyana Shokeen

A small light cast a gentle glow on my head while reflecting from the mirror as I sat on the bathroom floor, the light emitting a soft glow amidst the darkness. My heart dropped to my stomach, causing my whole body to tense up and make my leg jerk up and down. I felt that creeping, always-present feeling of panic and misery engulf me. I was being pulled deeper into the empty abyss of emptiness by realisation. My breathing gradually changed from calm to one that was somewhat more alarming as I bounced my leg and my right hand clicked the pen top, increasing my level of panic.

In a little area of my consciousness, those words keep repeating and echoing in all directions. I knew I knew that voice, it was mine. It was the same voice that repeatedly voiced every problem within me, that same voice that made me feel like I was nothing. It teased me. Making me feel like a coward. the air seemed to be running out, making it difficult to take a breath. I realised there was no turning back; I just knew it. Coming to terms with who I was and whom I loved and there was nothing scarier than coming to that realisation, and even though alarms were going off in my head, I slowly smiled. Tears streamed down my cheeks, some from fear and some from happiness from finally realising what that emotion—that feeling of confusion—meant. and amid all that gloom, I turned toward the faint light that was shining and moved in its direction to bring myself back to reality.

By Reyana Shokeen