Being a Mother

By Pranay Sagar Anumalasetty

There is always sweetness in the motherhood. Mother’s love is sweet and pure. All these days I experienced this eternal feeling from the love of my mother. I came to know from my mother that there is much more happiness in giving love than taking it. I too want to experience motherhood.

My wishes came true. I became pregnant. I am so happy. I can’t even express that in words.

My Baby… My Baby… My baby’s birth process started in my womb. Till that time I never cared about my health. But now, my baby’s health depends on mine. At Least for the baby’s sake I need to take necessary measures. Everyday I used to gain weight, still I was so happy. Why because I can see my baby’s growth in that weight. Day by day my womb is getting larger. Even though it’s painful, it is still less than the amount of happiness I have. I don't have any mood for eating. Always there used to be uneasiness. I can bear my hunger but my baby can’t. Even though it’s difficult, I still have to eat for my baby. After a few months I can sense the movements of my baby. When the baby is kicking in my womb, it’s both painful and happy at the same time. My baby taught me to take care of my health. Like this 9 months passed. Pain started as the date of delivery arrived. I was taken to the hospital. Doctors took me to the operation theatre. I was laid down on the hospital bed. I was bearing my pain, at the same time bearing happiness also. In sometime my baby is going to arrive in this world. Doctor gave me anaesthesia. I slowly became unconscious and closed my eyes with hope of happiness. After a few hours I came to my consciousness. Hospital room was empty and no one was around me. I saw my baby in the cradle beside me. I want to look at my baby but it's hard for me to move. I gained all my strength and struggled to reach my baby and I did it. Once I reached my baby I forgot all my pains and I stared at my baby for a while. I touched my baby and that sensitive touch made me feel great. I took the baby in my hands and looked towards it. My baby is sleeping but not waking up. I don't know what happened. I want my baby to look at me but the baby is not opening its eyes. Then I realised that my baby doesn't want to wake up forever. I was in a shock. I tried to play with my baby's hand but it was so lifeless. My baby left me. All my dreams shattered. It took me many months to get over from that shock.

After a few years I became pregnant. I was happy for a while but suddenly it reminded me of the tragic past where I lost my precious. Last time I was excited but this time I am frightened about the future after 9 months. I have mixed feelings. Sometimes I was happy, sometimes I was frightened and sad thinking about the future but hoping for a different future this time. I took so much care for my baby who is resting in my Womb. Every act of my baby in the womb reminded me the previous. 9 months have passed with fear and some hope. Reached the hospital. The doctors arranged everything. This time my fear is more than pain and happiness. They gave me anaesthesia. Slowly going into an unconscious state. My previous baby's face was frozen in my mind. Few hours passed. I came to my consciousness. No one is around me except my baby in that cradle. I was shocked as the same scene is being repeated. Baby is not crying. Still I want to look at my baby. I tried to reach my baby. My body is shivering as it doesn't want to accept the same past in this different future again. I reached my baby and held it In My hands. Baby is sleeping and I don't know whether it is temporary or……. Silence covered the entire room and it's frightening. The only sound I can hear is my heart beat. But there was some small sound. It was of heartbeat but not mine. No one is around. Then whom it can be. Is it ….is it...is it my baby's??. To hear it clearly I bring my ear near my baby's heart. I can hear a perfect healthy heart beat. Tears rolled out from my eyes. One of the droplets fell on my baby's face and the baby woke up with a cute yawning.

That's how our new life started.

By Pranay Sagar Anumalasetty