Barred By Tag: Not So Normal Anymore

By Tamasi Biswas

“Who would decide what’s legitimate and what’s not? You think our love is wrong and yours fit to the society well and good and that’s what makes us unacceptable. I strongly hope you would be correct. But can you kindly do me the favor of pointing out where my love went wrong! I have the same desires that you have. I have the same satisfaction on a bad day when I hug my love that you feel. Then where did it go wrong? The difference lies in just choosing a partner… isn’t it? Now, that’s what decides my legitimacy. I have heard you people say, ‘LOVE IS BLIND’. But, you see, the moment I fell in love with a person of same sex; or the moment I fell in love with a transgender person; or the moment I fell in love with a older man; or the moment I fell in Love with a man who’s 10 years younger to me; or the moment I fell in love with a person of different community, my love went wrong! Ironically … If your love can be blind, why does my love have to get eyes? The feeling is genuine… isn’t that enough? We are adults… we decide to be together for the rest f our lives… isn’t that enough? I don’t advocate for anybody out there, I don’t want to be a social activist. I don’t want recognition. All I WANT is ‘A DIGNIFIED LIFE THAT I DESERVE’ not the ‘JUDGMENTAL NOTIONS” that you all give me. I, strongly believe that ‘LIBERAL’ is not just a term, it’s a feeling, an expression, an opinion and for some people it’s their way of hope. Being liberal can give you wings and wings are gifted by almighty so that you can fly.” Thereby, Rounak concluded his speech. Rounak Mehra, is a student of Post Graduation, at this moment, a speaker of the Inter College Elocution Competition. Almost everybody in the Auditorium believes that he’s a great speaker but he’s so sure of the fact that he wouldn’t be grabbing the trophy today.

‘May be ages after, when the society understands him he’ll be recognised for being himself’ he hoped. He is in a relationship with Glitter and that’s what makes him different. Glitter is his art teacher. Glitter is a Male. And he’s bisexual. Yes, Rounak is gay. Now, you understand why he wouldn’t be grabbing the trophy. Isn’t it? He is not being hated now. Because being homophobic is no more trendy. But, obviously, he is being judged. The boys of his class thinks and talks behind his back that they can be taken advantage of.

Until some days ago, when Rounak was uncertain about life and his status he wondered, looking at the fan late at night, “When Rohini talks with Biplab, he doesn’t seem to be vulnerable and when other girls look at the handsome and cool Fahad, he enjoys their look and gossips. Then why people around me feel vulnerable when they are talking to me? I am committed. Does being gay in any way means that I am meant to be a disloyal partner?”

He has a million questions. Every weird look he gains which he doesn’t deserves brings around million of queries which are so efficient in breaking down his confidence. He came out to his family last year, once it was obvious that he loved Glitter. His father had said’ “It’s too early to decide anything. This is your first relationship. You have a lot more time ahead.” He understands. Parents need time. May be his parents reaction was far better than a million out their struggling.

“But why do we need to come out?” Rounak asked Glitter. “Have you ever heard a straight guy standing in front of their parents and asking them- ‘Dad, I am in love with a girl. Would you hate me for this?’ Why do all the uncertainties descends in our share?” He hugged Glitter and said out whispering into his ears, “Let’s UNTAG ourselves. I am no more a gay. You are no more a bisexual. We are just two souls who make the better half of each other.”

In the midst of all his thoughts, Rounak realized a tap on his shoulder. Glitter came by and held his hand sitting beside him. “You were superb” he whispered into his ears. That’s no less than a TROPHY for Rounak. The Relation that they shared was of friendship, of dignity and of unconditional love. They were sitting behind the crowd, feeling content. Uncertainties around touched them, affected them but nonetheless NEVER BROKE them. Glitter bends his neck to reach Rounak’s shoulder. He laid there for more than an hour, relaxed. Hands held behind the crowd where nobody can see them.

The Inter College Elocution concluded on a very dignified note. All the speakers were awesome and almost everyone spoke up about social dysfunctions. Now, that it’s time to announce the name of the awardees, everybody’s heart beat was dropping around the room.

The Chief Guest came up to the stage for announcing the results. The honor of being felicitated was received by the Dean of the Institution. Thereon, the Chief Guest stated “Good Speakers are made! But the most beautiful speakers are born out of indulgences. The pain of being a change can only be transmitted when you yourself have experienced the pain”. He took a breath. “Should I announce the name of the winner?”

The Crowd behind cheered, “Yes, Sir”.

“Any guesses?” He played with the crowd, raising the level of excitement.

“Krittika Iyengar” cheered some of them. “Gaurav Sahani” cheered other lot. Yet again “Danish Biswas” cheered a handful of the crowd.

A curvy and wicked smile ran through the chief guest’s lips. “The most expected answers, I guess”. He gasped, “But this time can it be different? Not so obvious. This time let the limelight fall on a person who is not only soothing to ears, but shows us the reality of the toughest struggles. This time let the limelight be stolen by somebody who have seen the struggle and has very comfortably put forth his struggle in the most beautiful way possible. LET’S REALLY LIBERATE OURSELVES AND PUT A FOOT FORWARD”. He took another long breath, before he spoke again, “Mr. Rounak Mehra, Would you do the kind gracious of walking to the stage?”

Rounak jerked his shoulder, awaking Glitter. ‘What now?’ Glitter gestured through mid sleep way drive. “They are calling me by my name”. He pointed to the stage and gasped whisperingly.

“Mr. Rounak Mehra… Are you still in the Auditorium?” the chief guest called once again.

“Go” irritatingly whispered Glitter. He could not understand why his boyfriend’s hand turned cold. “Are you Afraid?” Glitter asked crunching his eyebrows. No offence. Glitter never saw his boyfriend being afraid in this type of occasions. Rather he’s an excellent speaker. Other than the fact, that Rounak never got appreciated because of his choices; he’s a born speaker. That’s his genre. He never gets afraid of Stage. Then, what went wrong today? Glitter literally forced Rounak to get up and pushed him into the crowd towards the STAGE. He walked slowly through the crowd. The crowd looked at him. Rounak felt so uncertain, afraid. He was trembling. He clutched his fist, with the hope of getting mental strength. Today felt different. Today felt exceptional. He had been waiting for this day since years. Now that it’s happening and he is realizing it happen, he’s worried… dead worried. He walked very slowly.

“There you are… Mr. Rounak Mehra” the Chief Guest was excited and it was evident in his tone. “Please do me the honor of occupying the stage”. He invited Rounak upon the stage. Rounak went up the stairs of the stage and stood at the corner of the stage taking support of the corner bar. He was feeling light and everything around him seemed blurring.

“Mr. Rounak Mehra, We declare you the winner of this Inter College Elocution Competition. And we believe this is the initiation of your excellent times.” The chief guest rewarded him with a token of appreciation and was going to hand him a Trophy which said ‘THE EXCELLENT SPEAKER’.

“Just a sec., Sir”, Rounak interrupted. “I have something to say.” The chief guest handed the mike to Rounak. ‘Speak up’ he gestured.

“The journey from BEHIND THE CROWD to THIS STAGE, where everybody is silently witnessing me to receive recognition was LONG AND TOUGH. I would have lost patience unless this man, MY LOVE, wouldn’t have been there beside me. He has been struggling with me since long. The day I didn’t receive the Trophy or the Medal, it was his ‘WHISPERING APPRECIATION’ that made me SMILE. He is my COFIDENCE. He is my APPRECIATION. He is my NORMAL LIFE in the midst of Abnormalities. I would want to share my trophy with MY BETTER HALF, MR. GLITTER GOSWASMI. That’s it. Thank you.”

Glitter rose up from his seat walked up to the stage. They both received the trophy from the Chief Guest. THE COUPLE STANDING TALL OVER THE STAGE SMILED. Happy. Content. The entire Auditorium learnt “LIBERATING THEMSELVES”. The Chief Guest was “THE CUPID FOR THE COUPLE”.

The hands that were held behind the crowd, now is held up high in the stage. Chin up. Shoulder straight. Head held up high. A dignified life… that’s all what every individual wants and deserves… Isn’t It?

By Tamasi Biswas