By Sonali Sharma
4 in 1- that is what I call myself. My name is Mighty. I am not an ordinary pen. I sport multiple colors- 4 colors to be precise- Red, Green, Black and Blue. And believe me, each color of mine signifies a different emotion that I have experienced. I have seen everything in my life- from getting bitten between teeth to being flung across the room. From getting stolen to being gifted to someone, from living in pockets to staying for days in a dreary and gloomy drawer, from being sold for a hundred rupees to being sold for a pittance of ten after losing my value. Life has been very adventurous so far.
But keeping everything aside, today when I am at the brink of my death, there is only one person in my mind who I want to meet- Sujoy.
Sujoy was my best friend, my soul mate, my schoolmate, the source of my life. As a teenager, he was an exceptional person but he struggled to convey his feelings. He gave his heart to a girl, but he did not ever feel confident to express what he felt, to her. With so many emotions bottled up inside him and no one really to share them with, he was advised by his teachers to ‘pen’ down his feelings in a diary.
19 March,2001- was the day when I first met Sujoy. He took me home from the shop after paying100 rupees. I was very inexperienced and underconfident, never having used my skills before, I didn’t know how to write. But Sujoy made me realize how much potential of ink I had in me (he made me feel my inner strength). As he started writing down his secrets, his confessions, his fears, strengths, weaknesses, I became a part of him. All those unsaid things that once resided only in his heart were now a part of me as well. I was the only one in his life who knew all his rejections, every secret, every tear he shed, and every story he lived. Gradually we both became so close that I started resonating with his feelings.
When he was sad, I wrote in black color.
When he was envious or insecure, I became the green-eyed monster for him and wrote in green color.
When he was calm and at peace, the color used on the pages was blue.
And when he was full of anger or passionately in love, my choice was burning red (I wrote in red color).
That was an era when I flourished but we forget that people can change – that people can love you at one moment and forget you in the other. Human beings are particularly infamous for such behavior. Men and women for ages have been unpredictable, often flippant about emotions – craving for change. There used to be a time when I was cherished. But the moment the smartphones arrived, I was just a poor old pen. My ink has dried, my energy is flickering like a wick of a candle about to be snuffed out. I am on the verge of my death, lying in an old drawer waiting with a naive hope for Sujoy to take me in his hands again and may be refill my ink? Sujoy has grown up now and speaks on the phone with his beloved who had secretly read his diary, (hence her change of heart-she fell in love with him) which I thought, only I was privy to. He no longer uses a pen for writing anything as he has a digital diary for himself now. He no longer shares his feelings with me. Do you think I exist for him anymore? I think he has probably forgotten me.
Nevertheless, I consider myself blessed to be able to share my story with you all. Not all pens get a chance to write their own autobiography. These are probably some of the last lines that I am writing because the ink of my life is about to finish. Slowly but steadily I am losing myself in the arms of death and this is the ultimate truth that whoever has come to this world in whatever form is bound to leave this earth one day. But there is also one more truth- that as I leave, I don’t have any hard feelings for Sujoy- no resentment and no regrets. There will always be a soft corner in my heart for him. I will miss the warmth of his fingers and the tenderness with which he used to hold me. But we cannot hold onto everything, even if we want to. Some things are simply just out of our control. It is rightly said, change is the only constant in this world, and I accept that I am no longer a part of his reality now. As I sing the swan song of my life, I say being with Sujoy was my life I cherished every word I wrote, every feeling I helped express and leaving today, I say I miss him, I wish him love and happiness always….
And just like an open book
This was the beauty of my life
What matters is the journey and not the destination
Truly yours
Mighty.
By Sonali Sharma