Astrid

By Harleen Kaur

I knew we were doomed from the start.

Still I went ahead, not wanting to part.

Was I a coward for loving you?

Or selfish for keeping you?

Does love lie in letting you go?

Not fighting for an ever more?

You pushed, I pursued.

My silly heart, you misused.

You begged to let go, 

I tightened my hold.

You said no, I craved more.

Even if it meant losing my core.

It would never work, they said.

How could I not even try, Astrid?

You lit my veins in a million stars

I was high on you, floating afar.

Your touch burned me in divine ways

Your words slept with me for days.

You were an incarnation of your namesake

A beautiful goddess to bless us peasants.

You loved me, you cared, you smiled at me

And I lit up like a child on Christmas morning.

I was lost in the haze of mindless euphoria

Astrid, you made me want to be better.

I cried, I tried and I failed

You were still uncertain and afraid.

I love you but we are impossible, you said

Your lack of trust, it broke me Astrid.

I made you mine through nights long

Only to watch you step back at dawn.

I was wretched, I screamed

Like a fish in air, I floundered.

I fluttered like a bird with broken wings

My heart lay fractured in sharp glass pieces.

I limped like an animal with torn limbs

Because I was limp without you, Astrid.

You left like you came, in a whirlwind

While I was left miserable and gasping.

My tears leak like smoke from fire

I am weeping, then fuming with cold ire.

Why couldn't you fight for us, Astrid?

Didn't I deserve even a little effort?

I have lost my mind, I am unhinged

Did you want to see me hurt, Astrid?

That is the problem with me 

When I feel, I drown in it completely.

Your love, how I craved desperately!

Now I writhe in my own agony.

We can't force others to feel as deeply

That is the hard slap of cold reality.

You didn't even try to consider me

I longed for a chance of passion, truly.

Even if you chose to give up and flee, darling 

I will keep swimming in our memories, smiling.

By Harleen Kaur