Arjuna

By Manoj Kumar

Arjuna

My mind is dark with the thoughts of doom

Shadows of death and miseries loom

I wish I could try and fight

The stench of death and darkness of night

Many thoughts bewilder my soul

My heart bleeds through a jagged hole

Why do I have to kill to live?

Why don’t I have happiness to give?

My heart screams for an explanation

My soul cries for salvation

Why is my hand smeared in blood?

Why is everyone around me dead?

I walk through the graveyard of people I killed

Was this the death that god willed

Why was I the harbinger of death?

Why was it me who laid them to rest?

I live a life that I rather not dare

My nights are an endless nightmare

Why can’t I be released from this living hell?

Why don’t I have someone to tell?

Will I ever escape? Will I ever be free?

Will I ever be pardoned? Will my life ever be merry?

All I ask my God is sanity

All I need from me is humanity

I have killed to live, I have lived to kill

Done acts I am not proud of

Will I ever have peace to gain?

Or will I need death to live again

Tell me lord; am I not your child?

Weren’t they too, because of me who died?

Was it my fault that I had a gun?

Why didn’t I have a place to run?

Questions in my mind abound

My dreams come back at night to hound

My only release I know is death

I hope it comes soon and me it gets

When death smiles at me with all its charms

I will lie with glee in its waiting arms

Then for sure my soul will be free

And those of the people murdered by me.

By Manoj Kumar