ANXIETY- A MONOLOGUE

By T. Pratiksha Reddy

Hello!

I knew I'd find you here again.

You have been staying in here

Since, forever?

It has been a while, hasn't it?

About six months?

How have I been?

Oh well, you know the usual.

There are somedays when

I sip a cup of coffee

Wondering how my day will go.

I scribble on a piece of paper

Making plans for the week

dedicated to follow them all.

I sleep eight hours a day,

Have meals all three

And spend some quality time alone.

Then there are the other days

I have these racing thoughts

And Pondering doubts

Like the tiny waves at the seashore

That fall upon on another

But never stop.

I struggle with:

Should I wake up at 6 or 7? Or

Did mum give me a chore to finish?

Or Should I do Botany first or Zoology?

Maybe both, or none.

Or I can just take a break And watch some TV.

No, maybe I should do both..

Wait....

Somedays, I answer easy

But then there are the others.

Oh you know. The ones when you visit

for a long term stay.

And I begin to ask myself if I am doing it right.

Or Am I messing it up?

Maybe it is... Right?

What's that? Oh yes,

It does gets intense with each day.

Like the time when someone

Called me crazy for a unique

sketch I drew

And I kept asking myself

For the next few weeks if it was true.

Or when a woman walking across the street

Looked at me for a couple of Minutes

before turning away

And I spent an hour and a half

In front of the mirror

Watching myself, trying to look For the obvious flaw.

Did I find any?

Maybe. Maybe not?

I think I did... I am not sure.

Oh!

I forgot the special days

When the veins in my body

Play their own music

Like a musician passionately

plucking each string in the harp

And he feels, he feels

it's powerful vibrations through out his body

And these thoughts in my head

Race against each other

Finding ways to get out of the maze

Afraid to be lost in there forever.

Or when my eyes go blurry

And my tear glands work so hard

That it hurts.

I can't breathe, nor can I talk

Because there's a lump,

Thats the size of an apple

Down my throat

And it hurts.

You see, Anxiety,

You are like a candle flame.

You come In small, accidentally

Touching the delicate places

And by the time I get the fire extinguisher

You have spread in so many places

That it's impossible to let you out

In the end, when I reach

it's too late

The house is all burned down.

By T. Pratiksha Reddy