An Esoteric

By Madonna D'Souza

Twice do my eyes blink

At the sight of you in front of me

Different than what I saw before

Youth and emotions galore

I still imagine if you and I were a folklore

Where all did I have to go to find you again

Depths of my mind, heart, soul

Maybe till the ends of the earth

In daunting and excruciating pain

My immortal self too is now damaged

Oh how terrible and selfish of you!

To make me believe in love

To make me fight for you

To make me die for you

To make me struggle for you

To make me wail for you

To make me lonely for you

To make me live for you

And yet I can't seem to get off its high

Even though I try and try

Cause all of me belongs to you

Maybe that's why I never can die

You live through me

Your memories, your laughs, your cries,

Your everything now resides in me

Were you ever actually tangible

Or a fallacy I pulled through

Why did you leave so soon

Abrupt and left me alone

And yet despite all of this

I love you always and forevermore

The most painful journey on earth

Is of a mortal and immortal one

You could be around calling for me

And I'd be sprinting to find your existence

You could see me in my full glory

And I die here for at least a glimpse of you

I miss the meadows of trust we sowed

Where I wait for you and you for me

And here you are in front of me

My bleeding soul finally heals

Look where I am

Look how far I've come

From you holding my hand

To me holding my sword

Life wasn't kind to me

But at least it spared me a moment with you

I know I am angry but I die to feel you

Your smile gently sutures up my wound

My Achilles’ heel seems hidden no more

I want nothing but the best for you

I promise this is the last time

And then my soul will wait for you

Even though we know I'm lying

My soul can never be fulfilled for you

I hope you are proud of me

I pray I didn't upset you

I'm sorry for being so naive

I wish I grew a brain to save you

Time changes when you're here

It never ends or never begins

Because your presence is effervescent dear

I see you speak to me

All the memories we lived through

All the laughs we shared

All the protectiveness and care

I forgot who you actually are now

I lived all of them with you again

I forgot where you are now

Emboldening was it to hear you again

Let me hold you one last time

Of my many last times

I feel you fade, I feel you snatching my heart

I blink thrice and I see you gone

Once again do I realise

Life hasn't ended for me

I drag myself awake and tall

Numbing myself to your arcane presence

My mortal body once again wonders

About a hallucinating gaze on me

My soul silently chuckles at her

Whilst meeting the stares ever so gladly

An esoteric rendezvous a part of me never knows

An esoteric rendezvous a part of me always stubbornly forgoes

By Madonna D'Souza