Amma, Where Is God?

By Sindhu Manoj

A very curious, naughty and talkative little girl I was; ready to do anything that could make me and my friends happy! Mischievous and foodie to add to- I never let go any chance that got me some snacks, sweets and savouries anytime. Visiting people’s homes were my favourite pass time too as much as my it was to my parents. Thankful, that this part of my childhood was in an era without the television obsession creeping in. So, the entertainment was in the visits to friend’s houses that fed both my curiosity and tummy. On one such visit to a family friend, I enjoyed thoroughly the company of two friends and brothers Appu & Aniyan... whose old English bungalow had it all; garden, fountain, trees, long verandas, huge rooms and an English style bath tub. Their mom, being a great host drowned me in sweets, in particular laddoos. How I loved being there. Whenever I had to leave after the visits, I had a long face & Aunty used to give me one more laddoo to cheer me up. On one such occasion, when I cried, she consoled saying that their home was so near my school and that I can come there after school too to play on the swing in their lovely garden. I did take that idea pretty seriously, I guess; for from that day onwards I started enquiring at school whether anyone knew Appus & Aniyans bungalow. No one knew. I was sad, obviously. 

My school was very far away from my home. We had two government buses leaving from the school ground, one at 3pm and another at 4pm. Most kids left after 3pm. Only a few older ones took the second trip. I always took the 3pm trip too. It was a tiring 30–45-minute ride back home. Although I didn’t know my address, I knew the route by heart. As a second grader, that was good in fact. I knew all short cuts and bus stops as well as the names of these stops being a regular on the route. But I didn’t know where to find a bus if I missed these two trips. That never had happened and there was no reason as to why until I created one. 

On a boring day, I was having lunch with my newly made friend Shambhu. Shambhu lived in the quarters allocated for the miners who lived in lines nearby the English bungalows. He was flaunting about his adventures plucking cherries and figs from Appus gardens. I asked him whether it was the same Appu who had a brother named Aniyan. Shambhu noded with surprise and was taken aback when I said that they were my friends and I’ve visited them often. Shambhu was not so ready to believe my adventures there. But by now I had greater ideas popping up in my little mind! How about a visit to Appu & Aniyans place; Shambhu can show me the way. I can go after school & catch the second trip of the bus. 

So, that was planned for that evening. 

Shambhu agreed to show me the way to Appus bungalow and I would play in their garden, swing to my heart’s content and have some snacks too from their mom after which I would catch the second trip of the bus at 4pm. Everything was planned in my mind. 

I set off with Shambhu and his mom who picked him up every day after school towards their home walking down the lanes with trees and bushes on the sides making it darker as we walked further. Shambhus mom asked him whether I stayed nearby and if I was his new friend. I was surprised as Shambhu told yes to both. Shambhu didn’t know where I lived, I thought. To add to Shambhu told his mom that I knew Appu & Aniyans place and I was their sister. His mom looked at me with some surprise, which I didn’t understand until much later. 

As we walked down the woods the road got narrow. I heard Shambhu’s mom comment that it was a short route and she pointed towards a parallel road slightly away stating that was the usual one for commute for the vehicles. I was beginning to think that it was taking much more time to walk to Appus house than my plans. Should I drop the idea...!? Or maybe I could start back really soon to catch my second bus. To add to, my excitement was high thinking about the fun and food waiting for me ahead. I’m sure Aunty would be surprised. I loved giving surprises. But today was going to be different. Life was going to give me the surprise. As the road narrowed, it opened to a wide pukka road with bungalows on the left and right sides. At this point, I got my first surprise when Shambhu said pointing towards the left; that is the way to Appus house. You just have to take a few steps ahead to find it. We have to take the right side to go home. I’m sure you’ll find Appu & Aniyans home easily he added as he waved good bye to me along with his mom. I stood there, wondering, for yet another time whether to continue or abort this mission. The thought of laddoos, however, inspired me to continue. I took to the left and started walk trying to recollect Aniyans home and all I could see were white coloured massive bungalows hidden amongst the huge, highly overgrown gardens with many trees that obstruct my vision. Every bungalow looked the same. Now, which one was Appus home!!!? I tried closing my eyes to recollect the look of the place but I all I remembered was the verandah and the swing. I had always visited their place during the evenings and so had no idea as to how their gate or garden looked during the day. To add to all the bungalows of the officers who worked in the mines looked exactly the same with similar gates and porches. Some gates had name plates which I had ignored, because I could not read the names. After walking for a while, my back had begun to hurt with the weight of my backpack with quite a few books and lunch box in it. My search wasn’t taking me anywhere either. I began to think of really giving up. One last try, I thought, let me ask someone, looking around to find a passerby to ask. I recollected my mom’s advice; never talk to strangers. I was in a terribly confused state for a while. As I looked around, my fears doubled. There was no one around; not even an animal on the long straight road until where I could see on either side. I was terrified. Without another thought, I called off the mission- Visiting Appu & Aniyan. 

My heart was beating faster as a more dreadful thought arouse - How did I get this far and how do I reach my school ground before the last bus left. As an instant response to my thoughts, I turned around and began walking back the route I had taken as fast as I could. I was in a hurry because I didn’t want to miss the bus. I had no clue about the time. I was, probably in much rush that I missed the short way that I arrived through and walked further. After a bit, I found a pukka road towards the right. It was different from the kacha one that we had taken earlier with Shambhu and his mother. My fears were at its highest when I found no one on the path to ask for help. I was almost in tears when I saw a couple of girls wearing my school uniform walking towards me on the pukka road. They were engrossed in some kind of a discussion. As they reached closer, I mustered up some courage to ask them if the road led to my school, which I did. Thankfully. The girls looking at me with a certain amount of curiosity and sarcasm said that I was right. Thankfully again. Without another word I ran down the way not seeing anything around like the huge gateway towards the gold mines not paying attention to the 4pm sirens blowing out loudly. I had to catch my last bus. As I walked faster, the road seemed getting longer. More bungalows on both sides, Gulmohar trees everywhere shedding those lovely red petals crushed by vehicles on the road, nothing was catching my attention, not even the figs and pomegranate trees that looked similar to Aniyans place. I was on the run. As I rushed down further, I saw the huge gate of my school, now closed and locked with a really big lock. I looked towards the tree in the ground outside the gate desperate to see my bus which normally stood beside the huge Gulmohar on one end of the school ground. To my despair, there was no bus. As I rushed further, I got a faint view that sank my heart. That was my red bus moving away afar from the school and then it suddenly disappeared into a cloud of dust. I was devastated, alone and very very scared. 

It was not an era of phones. It was not an era of private transport to these places as well. What would I do now? I felt scared and helpless. I remembered my Dad telling me that I can overcome my fears if I recited the 10 names of Hanuman Ji which I did every night before bedtime. I prayed. That was probably the only thing I could do then. I prayed desperately not even knowing what to seek. Aimlessly I continued walking towards the route that my bus had taken. The roads wore a deserted look. It was only 4 pm and houses I saw were all locked. I didn’t know how to seek help. Nor to whom. I wanted to cry out loud. But how can I explain my foolishness to anyone?! I struggled to hold back my tears. As I stood there midway, I saw someone approach on a bicycle. As the person came closer, I looked at his face which was smeared with coal and his khakhis which was the uniform of the miners were shabby with muddy water. He looked scary. But he was the only one. My mind kept telling me, this is it or you’re doomed! Shamelessly, without any further thought, I just fell on my knees and yelled out aloud as the person just passed by looking with much curiosity at me. 

I cried loud closing my eyes hoping that he would ask me if I needed help. Nothing happened and he just passed by. I continued crying; louder this time. I’m not sure till today whether it was my crying or prayer that helped me that evening. In a few mins, the bicycle man, the miner, took a turn and came back to me. He then asked me in polite Tamizh “Baby, why are you standing here and crying? “ 

 Now, I did not narrate my foolishness, fortunately. I just told him that I missed my bus and had a fall running behind it. He understood quickly that I’m too small to go home alone and that I needed help. He offered to ride me home on his bicycle. He asked me the address. Now what was that…?!  My fears returned. 

All I knew was that I lived in SwarnaNagar and took my bus from the 6th cross bus stand. I told him I lived very far away. But I do know the way by heart, I said with added confidence. He looked at me with utmost concern and asked me whether I would be able sit holding tight on the carrier seat behind him on the bicycle. I had never ridden a bicycle until that day. But I had taken numerous rounds on my dad’s scooter -and thanks to that -I was not too scared to say yes quickly to his offer. Soon I found myself being carried and placed behind him, both my legs locked safely on the rest bars a front and my bag was in the basket in front of the bicycle. He then took off and told me to tell me the route as he rode. I was far too good at remembering the bus route that I had been taking to the school for the last couple of years. I kept telling him as and when to take a turn or not. This continued for about half an hour or so and I screamed with joy, literally when we approached the 6th main cross bus stop. I said loudly to him, now that I had begun addressing him as Uncle- this is my bus stop. I told him that I could walk home from there, as it took only ten minutes. But the Uncle I had found was probably God sent. He told me that he will drop me home and that I may continue to guide him. He probably thought that I’m too small and foolish to be left alone again as it was over 5pm and slowly getting dark that November evening. As instructed by Uncle, I guided him towards my house. As I neared home, I saw my mother talking to one of my school teachers and neighbours. There were a few other aunties and uncles too. My mother and all others rushed towards us when they caught a glimpse of me arriving with all smiles with this “stranger” whom I was now yelling at as “Uncle, stop, stop, that is my mom and that is my house there!!” By this time the small gathering surrounded us. I was so happy I was home and mom was now carrying me with all others talking to the stranger uncle who brought me home. Amma asked me why I did not take both the school bus trips. I had to tell her the true story about my foolishness. She was awkwardly astonished. Haven’t we taken you there so many times? Why did you go off alone; don’t you know there are thieves and kidnappers all around; and so on she kept telling me what a stupid and dangerous idea that was. I had no choice but to listen. But deep down I was filled with relief. All I told mom was that Uncle helped me reach home and that I won’t repeat it ever. 

The next thing I remember is my parents arguing as to how risky my silly adventure was. I heard my mom telling dad that the strange uncle seemed a good human and that she in a fit of worry had forgotten to call him in or thank him properly. He had left by the time she took me in and went out again, conveying regards to all through the friends who were outside. He was late to go home already. It was then that I recollected how he was smelling of dampness and soil. He was going home back from his work in the mines when he saw me. That was my lucky day, probably. I heard my mom say that she really saw God.

Later, that night, as I was lying down to fall asleep, my dad told me that God is great and that I’m safe and back home. He told me never to go anywhere from school and promised me that he would take me to Appu & Aniyans house that Sunday. I slept peacefully and happily. 

The next morning, I asked mom, Amma you said you saw God yesterday, 

Where is God? I want to see too. 

My mom smiled and told me that the strange uncle who helped me was her God. He came from nowhere, just on time to help my child in distress. He was God in disguise. I had seen God too, I thought. I was now sure, God will help if we pray with sincerity, no matter what. 

By Sindhu Manoj