A Sorted Dreamer

By Anu Abraham

Crime- how do you define a crime ?

The intentional commission of an act usually deemed socially harmful or dangerous. It can be made by the most terribly notorious person of the society or by a school teacher who plays the major role in forming a character of a child.

One of the most heinous crimes an adult can commit, I believe, is publicly ridiculing a child especially in the presence of his classmates or peers, for whatever reason, which makes the child feel worthless and self-pity. Not every child is a genius in studies, not every child beats the competition to be the best in school. Not every child understands a seemingly simple math problem even after the 10th time of explaining it. Not every child would raise the hand to answer a question in a full classroom. School education has a vital role in building a person’s character. My teachers always made me feel pathetic. I was a very below average student who was laughed at and humiliated every single day. I was good in extracurricular activities, especially dancing was my passion, but the school always picked fair and beautiful looking kids to be on stage. I was dark and ugly as per my teachers. Thereafter dance, as an art, became the most hated thing for me forever. I somehow survived the hatred of those teachers whom I still bump into here and there in the city I live in, but feel no guilt when I walk away ignoring them.

I am a dreamer by choice, drenched in guilt, enfolded in derogation and abused mentally in humiliation from the very basic start of my life.

I was admitted to a convent school by my parents, the best convent school of our city. Convent schools are known for its discipline and conduct, where students learn to grow beautifully with grace and love. The fact that they also have a darker side can be comprehended only by those unfortunates who have carried the wounds of such horrendous experience into their adulthood.

It has been 15 years down the memory lane, but I still carry the negativity from that school in me. Back then I was a quiet, shy, insecure child who wouldn’t express her feelings to anyone for the fear of being humiliated. I started imagining teachers as bad as I can, and me as good as possible. I was satisfied as I can live as I wished in my dreams. I would end my thoughts with happy endings like in the movies. Crazy, but that made me happy and peaceful. I realised it often that thinking bad about teachers is a sin but then soon accepted that nothing should cost more than your inner peace.

The habit of dreaming about everything that I was unhappy with, made me a dreamer by choice. Today a mother of two, I feel my life is sorted and settled because I deal every situation with ease. Good people make me happy, bad people make me a dreamer again!!!

By Anu Abraham